the untold saga of pauses

i miss little miss ana

2010-10-27T23:21:00.004+01:00

i just miss my funny, free-spirited and talented one and only sister.

i could use some of her energy in the house right now.

***

adrian and i loved it when she was here.

she just fitted in, like she lived here for ages. in the country, and in our home.

i cant wait to have her again in 2012.

by then, id be energised to do alot of the beautiful things i was surrounded by when she was here: make-up, photography, theatre, dressing-up, museum trawling, bookstore hopping, stationary smooching, and food feasting.

im so excited with the thought of surrounding myself with those girly luxuries when she's here.

*praying to heavens*

***

{photo: thats her, Ana, just outside our favourite Fortnum and Mason store..after that,we had Knickerbocker glory ice cream in their parlour and a mini shop of a book she found (which she left here by the way)...its nice to have a sister who's such an individual and so different from you, yet so much the same as well}

ex-deal

2010-10-21T22:58:00.003+01:00

will do art for food..

***

i am in the stage i can't wait to finish this research i am doing. its not even the last research i will be doing. this one's just a baby.

once i'm finished, i can do the thing that i love..working with patients.

by then, i am off to work my tooshie off once again even more, but this time, in practice.

***

i thank diversions, and hobbies. it makes me attuned and connected to the outside world.

and gives my tired soul some rest.

**

and i thank the sanctuary of prayer.

it gives me the peace to calm down my nerves .

=)

i wish

2010-10-21T11:53:00.003+01:00

..i could finish my report now, so i could stay in my room and cry my heart out. right now, im soooo busy to think and have any other emotions other than think of QT data and comparative analysis. honestly..i cant cry even if i wanted to..i just wish i could to stop this searing pain in my chest.

i have a burden that i carry, regarding some news i just got. its so disheartening when you're not included in decisions, when all you do is include such persons in all your life-changing decisions.

maybe i should do the same.

maybe i should just stop caring.

maybe i should just..

***

am i wrong in feeling this way? maybe i am.

maybe its time for me to do some life changing decisions too without considering other people,huh?

i wonder how that feels?

***

and probably, if i don't care much, maybe, i will stop this nonsense too. i wouldn't be working so hard, i wouldnt be working my ass off like i'm a machine made of steel.

**

if i had to give myself an advice right now, i would probably say " enjoy life, and stop caring too much".

maybe i should do just that.

or maybe, i could just go and top myself. (sounds like the very easiest option, to be honest).

**

you see, i was alright the last could of weeks. you dont mind hard work when its rewarded with love and mutual respect.

but if you see otherwise, you wonder, 'what am i doing this all for?'

**

i wish you all a better day than what im having;

a better life than what i have at the moment.

tagay ta na!

missing moments with her

2010-10-18T19:39:00.005+01:00

someone asked me where i get the energy to listen to people's aggros and problems and make them laugh.

in truth, i do have that energy because there is someone in my life, who listens to my shallowness, my whines, and very own aggravation.

my best friend, Kharla.

she listens to my dramas, my problems (true and self-inflicted,haha) without any judgement ,with all ears, also in the end she prays with/and for me.

in other words, she is my shrink. by being so, she gives me all the energy (and sanity) to cope with homesickness and some more extra.

so having her here in my house as my treat was nothing to me. it was nothing for the big and great things this woman has done for me.

i miss her. and i look forward when she could come back and i could treat her special once again.

***

waiting for the train

another train ride with the best friend i am lucky to have been given

the day we saw the Pope..

do you miss your best friend?

mini-dates are a lifeline

2010-10-16T23:58:00.006+01:00

..it makes life better.

it makes relationships better.

it makes our hearts go round.

it makes us a better husband and wife team..=)

***

i took adrian to a mini date this afternoon for just a little recoupe and regrouping.

adrian and i do this regroup and reconvening away from home, away from the energy of work, and the mundane..and away from the computer, because when were at home, him and i are at our respective computers typing away (him on his work), while i, on my research (or Facebook,haha).

so today, we had a little date. not planned. not organised. just a "come,lets go, lets make an ordinary saturday evening special by chatting".

so we did.

my date

the place..cafe rouge

chatter chatter chatter

pleased missus...

***

on another note:

a few saturdays ago, i attended a first year old's birthday party. she is my grandniece Anya=)

my!! this little madam is now growing..why do i say so? she now knows she's being photographed..just look at the head tilt=)

such a tease=)..

im her grantie ragen, and adrian is the grancle=)

i dont mind being a grantie at all=)

**

have a beautiful sunday my loves.

stories untold

2010-10-13T13:26:00.002+01:00

one day, i will write my story.

some chapters i have deleted here for now, because they're delicate and the writer still fragile to be asked about them.

right now, lets just say, i'm in some weird hazy planet and i'm stuck there for the meantime.

the light is near,to get to that light is quite a journey (not without hissy fits, bruising and crying..and doctor's appointments,crazy schedules, overfilled diaries,and ginormous love-hate moments with the ever understanding husband).

i know when i've crossed the bridge, i will be a better woman for it all.

one day i will write these chapters.

my story.

wistful

2010-10-10T20:21:00.003+01:00

sometimes i find myself wistful and a little bit sad when i realise, im spending more time burrowed in books on my free time (when not working for my livelihood), instead of going out and enjoying the sun, and taking photographs.

and then when i realise that i'm already on the verge of my end goal, i stop being sad. i know, when i finish being too busy for photography, i will have ample time (and focus) to do exactly just that.

for the meantime, i sit, (read and work) and practise patience.

soon, i will reap my rewards.

**

how about you? are you holding out for something?

whatever it is, wait it out with me..we will soon be given our dues.

{photo: a tourist bus by somerset house from the jubilee bridge}

birthday celebrations

2010-10-06T17:27:00.005+01:00

every year, i find birthday celebrations quite redundant.

dont get me wrong, i find that mine or my love one's birthdays are one of my most favourite days of the year, but celebrating it is sometimes a dilemma as you have so many friends and as much as you want to celebrate it with all of them, trying to squeeze everyone in for your birthday date has to be arranged 3 months in advance.

that pressures me to arrange something 3 months before, which i find too boring when celebrating birthdays. birthday parties should be (if you must, but not necessarily) spontaneous, and requires less arranging if you have to have one.

more often than not, Adrian and i celebrate birthdays with just the very immediate of his family and or very closest (who might be busy too).

this year, i had the stress-free thought that my birthday is just me, Adrian and a very special family member Kharla.

initially, the plan was to spend it in a cottage somewhere in the middle of the country, together with good friends Cheryl and Glen, but they were in Brussels the time we planned the cottage holiday. (not to mention i was doing a research in the middle of it all) so that plan was scrapped.

the next best thing to do was to have the celebration with just the three of us in london in the usual way, a nice dinner in one of our favourite restaurants and a show too.

Adrian booked the Mamma Mia musical for the three of us on the Saturday (a day before my bithday), and a dinner at San Francesco--one of the best Italian resto's in London (a must try) just near the Westend..

And the next day, we spent another dinner in one of the INdian resto's locally after a (rainy) day in Maldon estuary to do some sightseeing for our very special guest.

Here are some photos from my canon compact (i couldt bring an SLR to the show) to remind me of the days...

just before we started..this was how close we were..=)

she's excited to see her first Westend show. (and it wont be her last, i promised her)

squirming in her seat from the cold

during the intermission..grabbing soem drinks at the lobby

mr. and mrs. shot

the birthday made special because she was there=)

having some ice cream

the ending of the show

i did this discreetly. i was still approached by one of the attendants (*ulk*)

by the billboard...it was so sunny on that saturday

suroy suroy around shaftsbury avenue

the obligatory touristy stops..chinatown

on the way to covent garden..we bumped into a happy group of hen partygoers

they were enjoying too much, i must say

at Covent garden, the square...

watching the show down below

the greatest friend anyone could wish for

two of my greatest allies..=)

birthday girl..=)

listening to Adrian's silly stories

how was the calamaris?

tiny restaurant..cozy,and owned by a proper italian gentleman

the rule is: no digging in, before the shot=)

kharla's order: pasta in white wine sauce

by leicester square...the temperature getting too cold at this time.

we all love the National Gallery..its such a beautiful building, dont you agree?

there was something going on in Trafalgar square the next day

coffee break and people watching at a coffee shop across Trafalgar Square before we head home:-)

**

the only evidence of the next night..after a tour around maldon estuary and got drenched in the rain...

we had dinner at an Indian restaurant...our favourite Masala Hut..

she enjoyed her first authentic indian/punjabi meal..

bless, look at our drenched faces.haha..

***

our friends cheryl and glen were booked to see us that same week for another night of wine and food to celebrate my birthday and for them to officially meet Kharla, but then the next day after my birthday, we found out Glen had a heart attack.

Kharla had to meet my best buddies in the hospital.

i was so sad because of Glen's illness, but thankfully, he's had an op and it was successful.

its a happy birthday overall =)

unbelievable

2010-10-03T01:16:00.003+01:00

i cannot believe that at almost 2 am, saturday night, i am still awake because i am doing a part of a research proposal which i need to submit tomorrow to my groupmates.

yes, tomorrow---sunday.

i am driving an hour and a half to university on a sunday.

i am this close to cracking up.

a big part of the 'real' me, wants to leave and quit.

but the 'adult' me is as stubborn as a bull and just gets on and whip this research black and blue til its the one which raises the white flag up.

i chant to myself these words: 'no pain, no gain'..

chant with me. loudly please.

there are not enough hours

2010-10-02T09:16:00.004+01:00

...to do all the things i want to do in my day.

if i could switch research and reading academic books to blogging i would. but i cant. (for now).

i feel cruel, to say the least, when i look at this online journal i call my blog, and that the last update was in a different month.

the most recent notable thing that happened to me was my birthday. (dont ask how old i am, i stopped counting at 26).

[the weird part,i also have to pause to really think of my real age. for now, my mom is the only person who knows it, but she's on good stipend to keep mum on it, and its stipulated on our contract to never give it away,haha]. *joke*

before i digress even further, the recent birthday was really a beautiful one. because it was the one, in the last 7 years which i spent with Adrian and someone from my family. since i moved to this country i have been celebrating my birthdays with newly-formed friendships,and new acquaintances (not bad either), as all my love ones are back home. (although, not to discount the fact, my husband,Adrian is always there, he also realises that i crave that familial ties on birthdays).

this year was different. my cousin Karla and my bestest friend in the planet flew all the way from cebu for it. we started celebrating on a Saturday (my birthday was on the Sunday), with a show at the Westend. Mamma Mia was a great show. It was a treat from Adrian, and a dinner at one of our fave Italian near Drury Lane, San Francesco's. Then on a rainy windy Sunday, celebrated with mass, a birthday brunch and a tour around Maldon estuary.

On the saturday celebration, the three of us enjoyed Mamma Mia, and the dinner, not to mention the late night walkabout Trafalgar square and Victoria. London was abuzz that night, amidst the chilly wind.

We got home just before midnight. And by midnight, i was handed a really special present from all my family.

It was in DVD form. And i was truly chuffed to say the least.

My sister edited the video (hurriedly) i might add, to send to me,just before Karla was leaving for the UK.

its such a beautiful birthday present. The humor, and love, i could feel from it so abundantly.

***

Starring:

Mama, Jojo my brother), Roi (brother), Joan and Sean (cousin/cousin-in-law), AUntie Libeth and Uncle Victor, Tonyrose (cousin), Tita Tootsie, Suzette, Auntie Teresa, RUby and Ana..and Bob (the dog).

Birthday video , birthday gift from my family (2010) from chelo aviso-stevart on Vimeo.

***

thank you's are very much in call for:

Aileen Siroy- for that beautiful birthday blog..and to be amongst your friends who are such admirable people, i feel like im not worthy to be amongst them in the same page. (but so privileged to be).Thanks Ai.. Your friendship and love, i will treasure and take care forever=)

Therese Habana- the phonecalls to greet me (at 3 am UK time!,haha)..greatly appreciated and much adored. And to hear Mr. Habana (who was a classmate in HS of mine) greet me was such bonus=) I still had to pinch myself thats it indeed the two of you together. Beautiful tandem you two=)

Lynette- beautiful postcards from her part of the world and a card. How awesome to be remembered that way? Thank you Nette, you definitely are not only thoughtful, you have a very sensitive and loving soul..=)

Multiply, Twitter and FB messages- thank you from the very bottom of my heart . Waking up to birthday messages are such wonderful platform to spring from.

***

Thank you, all of you, for making this girl a happy bunny:-)

old photos

2010-09-10T00:00:00.003+01:00

i came back from my indian holiday to see this on my mama's FB page, as she was tagged by my cousin who scanned some photos of her mum and mine..

this is the reason, why we have to take pictures of ourselves as much as we could.

it doesnt mean much to us now, but give it 20-30 years, they're worth gold to y/our children.

**

my mama, when she was 16 years old..

..and speaking of

2010-09-09T03:45:00.002+01:00

..dolphins.

i just thought i want to share this...

...lets help save the dolphins.

*from elephants,to dolphins..i wonder,what i'll talk about next..* :-)

the elephant story (Lost in Translation)

2010-09-09T02:14:00.004+01:00

for a very long time,i always wanted to see and touch an elephant.

as far as i could remember since i started dj-ing in my teens, there was a radio talk show i hosted,and all of the dj's and listeners who were phoning in were asked what animals they wanted as a pet that they couldnt have: i chose, dolphins and elephant.

i suppose, i always think they have so much of the characteristics of humans. dolphins are one of the most intelligent animals in the planet,and has high emotional intelligence,and very playful.

while the elephant, i always have a soft spot for them since i was a kid from watching the movie Dumbo, and apart from looking very cute and cuddly, they are so loyal to their mates, that they mate forever with the same partner. if the partner dies, they will not go and look around for a replacement. (read that somewhere)

One of my so called bucket list in life is to swim with dolphins (yet to be granted) and to touch them.

Another is to see, touch and cuddle an elephant. Not once in that dream did i wish, and think of riding one, as i really felt sorry for them if i did.

I was able to touch, cuddle and bathe an elephant, but before doing that, i was also able to ride one.

I admit, I was pushed into it, as i was told, it was part of the tour package when we came in.

here is the story.

**

we went into the elephant camp, and we were immediately told how their animals are very much well-fed,and they have loads of them, in rotation so one elephant isnt overworked.

so,here i was,a tourist, knowing full too well, alot of the people in the group wanted to ride an elephant, bar me and adrian,who felt uncomfortable of the idea mounting a poor animal (esp with our sizes), decided, we will just sit it out and take pictures and play with the elephants.

we were sitting in one of the elevated huts, me, ready to take a photo. the guide, herded us to move closer to the elephant, and one by one, started to gesture for us to mount the animal.

i was telling the man, "no, thank you" and i gestured a camera clicking. he smiled and nodded. i said, "pictures only" with matching, camera clicking gesticulations,he smiled, "yes pictures!".

little did i know,he thought, i was asking him to take photos of me.

Adrian refused to be herded into mounting the elephant, but the man gesticulated "pictures" so we thought, he wants us to sit on it for picture-taking purposes, and then dismount.

But alas, when adrian sat first, i was asked to sit too. i said, "no" and gesticulated my being overweight and they laugh, and said, "no, not worry, elephant strong",and made actions of the elephant pulling down a massive 2 story house. so i said, why not? me sitting down for photos for a minute wouldn't harm an elephant.

so i did.

and waahhh, adrian and i held on to one another because the moment we did, the man clicked his tongue,and the very burly animal walked off with us on his back.

imagine a grown plump woman,and a man with a ponytail, shouting in broken english to "stop!", and "go back".

but the guide thought it was funny,and moved on, kept smiling and laughing, and gesticulated, he will turn at the end of the small stretch (maybe because it was the part large enough for the animal to turn).

we suffered those few minutes. well i did, as adrian was leaning on to me, and i was hanging on to dear life,haha. we were trying to not be as heavy that moment, and i thought of all the idly's we ate for breakfast,and the marsala chicken we had, and the poor elephant had to carry us on his back. i kept saying 'sorry' to the elephant, and darn wished, the guides werent too much of a mischief that they sometimes pretend they dont understand you.

we turned, and deposited Adrian back at the elevated hut, as this time, all the people in our group cajoled me, "go on, the elephant is a strong animal. it could carry a few trunks of trees, so it could carry you". and i thought, damn, why the hell not.

with my guide looking sheepishly pleased with himself (knowing too well he was bound to get a tip from a satisfied customer), clicked his tongue and took me for a 30 minute ride inside the jungle, and showed me the spices that were growing along the path, from pepper and to cardamom, it was a ride, i still remember until now.

and this time, he did do some real "ah,yes, pictures!' in between stops for me.

***

me, coming back, to everyone's applause..

i was laughing here, because the tour guide would point at every plant visible. "pepper", then he'd open a seed and let me taste one..then he'd say 'cardamom", then let me have the pip, then he'd point to a "papaya"..i didnt know how to tell him we had loads of that in the back of our house,haha.

uncomfortable in all levels. legs opened wide, yet my adductor muscles still had to grip so i dont fall sideays.

such a big strong weighty animal...and the elephant too, hehe.

i got the privilege of hugging its trunk

and the best part, i got to wash him

and hug him...ahhh, i was in love.

i think this (visit to the elephant camp) was one of the highlights our trip.

india thru my compact

2010-09-07T14:21:00.009+01:00

i have so much pictures from my recent trip (India and Dubai) but to encapsulate the entire trip, i must as well post photos from my G10 and coolpix compacts so to not leave them under the rug.

i thought as i was looking thru the photos, they were slices and condensed version of the entire trip ( a few hit and miss here and there).

***

My indian album: via my compacts..

we arrived in india, at 3AM. the airport at Thrivananthapuram (old name: Trivandum, easier to pronounce,hehe).

their airport was much smaller than any airport that ive been to ( bar caticlan's).

we were so tired from the flight, that we couldnt care anymore of how we look

as soon as we got out, this was waiting for us.."Mr. Ragen Stevart",lol.

that's Vivek, the groom's brother, and who was also the groom on the second week..

we arrived before the groom in India. we arrived on Sunday morning, while he got there the next day.

their airport was quite busy too at such early in the morning.

we travelled for more than 3 hours from the airport to the lodge where the groom booked for us..

we ate breakfast bread and jam groggily in the lodge , and went to sleep, for 4 hours to get some energy..

***

around 5 pm, we decided to roam the town for some good indian grub.

we had some dahl and chappatis

and this was the vegetarian restaurant we went in.

this one's their breakfast special..the "puto" looking one is called idly. they have that for breakfast.

***

by the evening, we had food at one of the hotels..

right now, im salivating thinking of the parathas, masala chicken and fish fry's ive had.

***

the town we stayed at was Tamil Nadu. Its the very tip point of India so its near the coastline.

Tamil Nadu is known for its sunsets and sunrise. apart from Cape Town, apparently, they have the best sunrise and sunsets as consistenly perfect.

a few blocks from where our lodge was, was the coast, so we went and saw their beachline.

just across these waters is Sri Lanka..we could have hired a boat, and went there, but obviously,we were advised not to.

remember the big tsunami of 2004? this coastal town was hit by it too. hundreds of people died during that tsunami, but it wasnt as mentioned in the news as there werent much tourists there compared to Thailand and the rest of the Tsunami hit countries.

***

We also celebrated Phillip's birthday, one of Chelson's mountain climbing friends who attended the wedding at Chelson's/Thilak's house.

we had a cake and all... (phillip said it was his first birthday with a curry as food).

***

we toured around (South) India in between weddings.

our first trip was to a town called Cochin.

on the way there, we sampled some great restaurants..

this photo was after sampling a rooftop restaurant that featured mutton lamb curry..i also first tasted Lime Soda here.

we watched the Kathakali show which was an ancient show in Kerala, quite popular for its ancient history and lessons. its similar to the Kabuki (it doesnt feature any female actor, only a male actor could take part and do even female characters), and it was alot of drumming, singing by background voices/instrument,while the actor do acting by pantomime.

the next day was a stop at another town, and a visit to the viceroy's museum..

**

and we went to the mountains..

we went to the tea plantation and stayed in a mountain hotel.

we also went to tea museums, sampled some good cardamom tea, and went around the mountain towns.

back in our hotel, thats how haggard we looked. drenched from the rain too.

..

more sightseeeing the next day: tea plantations everywhere

in this trip,we were told to bring garments that will be cool enough for india's hot climate, as well as something to wrap us warm, when we were up the mountains..a schizoprenic advise on clothing for this holiday will end up someone looking like that.:-)

Adrian doesnt feel the cold.

we went to see the Kovalam river and dam

awww..

oops! this wasnt me getting angered by a local..thats me winning over everyone's lousy shot. there was a ten-rupee game, where you get to shoot balloons and you get to use the air rifle. everyone, joined in including our young driver, and played the game, but i came out top by hitting three balloons out of 5 shots. the young driver hit 2 balloons, and elaine shot 1.

everyone cheered. little do they know i have aversion to guns for that matter. i think it sends wrong messages to anyone.

we also ate at the most unusual places (using our hand)..this one was a typical meal in the region..banana leaf, rice, papads, and mini servings of different veggie dishes.

we were having it everyday..i must say, i got used to it in the end..

**

after the mountain trip we stayed in a wildlife reserve. the hotel was in the middle of the reserve,

and there was advise not to come out after 6 pm due to tigers might harm us. we were scared, but that did not stop our driver from taking us out of the gates to see a show,lol. and no, i havent seen any tiger.

i did however saw bisson's, deer, antlers, and wild boar.. no tigers in the reserve.

we saw those animals when we we joined a two hour river boat trip on the reserve.

we had to run really fast to catch this boat. they were closing the gates by the time we got in.

the good thing about riverboat trips in India, they always ask everyone to wear a life jacket. no lifejacket, no ride.

those are antlers.

we also fondled and befriended elephants. (more story about the elephant adventure).

and we hired a boathouse, which has three airconditioned bedrooms, and staff.the river boathouse sailed in Vempanad lake, the biggest lake in India, and we had breakfast,lunch, dinner,and breakfast in the place.

it was an experience which capped off the 6 day trip beautifully.

on the way home, our driver for the trip, said he will introduce us to his parents (thats how hospitable they are).

the next day, we went home, and had a relaxing day, to get ready for Vivek's wedding.

thats Binyl and his parents.they were so nice, they fed us tea and cake.

the driver's mum showed us how to wear a saree.

..but we also had a stopover for saree and clothes shopping to wear for his wedding.

**

the next day, i shot the wedding.

me, wearing a Punjab outfit for the wedding..

us, trying to dress like the locals.

the whole day was spent at the wedding reception and in the evening, at the evening reception at the groom's house.

**

the next day,we flew for Dubai.

last minute hi-ho

2010-08-13T16:26:00.009+01:00

on my last day before we fly,im supposed to be packing and arranging the last minute stuff. but here i am answering phone calls and emails from my university. they have emailed me regarding my essay (remember the dining table saga?), well i got really good feedback (and grade! woohoo!!) from that, and im absolutely ecstatic.

also, a phone call asking me if im interested in working in Learning Disabilities for Adults. DUh! would i just! absolutely, i am! Jobs like these comes once in a blue moon, and the learning opportunities are massive=) i spoke with the Clinical Lead and she told me the benefits and the responsibilutities,but i was too excited to concentrate. besides, the lady said, she thinks its tailor-made for me, *happy*.

the catch? i had to submit my application ASAP, as the deadline is the week after (and im in India). so the moment we ended the phone call, i had to submit my CV and the tedious process of filling up forms online.

talk about BUSY, i am really not exaggerating.

The good thing too, that means, i will have more time to entertain Kharla when she's here in September while waiting for the things to get finalized! (WOohoo again!)! September, roll on in=)

Technically, i dont have THE job thats being offered yet (as the powers that be has to go through red tape) , but its not a worry, as i currently am still working (well semi working as im in university too),and if i get the job, i will just slide into the new one from the old one. Praying it will be given to me too, as one of their requirement was flexibility working in the weekends (if needed, but swapped with weekday off), which can be a tough case, but lets see.

So, in between, answering emails, sending job applications,tidying up, blogging,haha and banking transactions, life is hectic..yet, life is good.

***

Flying to India in a few hours...

Excited for the possibilities that await me.

***

Things im looking forward to in this trip:

-a whole body massage at an Ayurvedic centre in one of the lodges we will be staying at

-Elephant safari

-the Keralan backwaters (which i heard is an out-of-this world experience)

-the safari lodge where we are booked to stay at

-the Tea plantation in one of India's peaks

-the authentic Indian food we will be served from our hosts

-the weddings im attending (and capturing,be still my heart, and Lord, please help me rise to the challenge)

-the Riverboat lodge cruising through the backwaters, where we are also billeted for two nights

-the castles and museums that were booked to see

-Ashrams were planning to visit and meditate at

-the Kathakali cultural show-- a highly costumed stage play reenacting the triumph of Good over Bad (the make up and costumes, i am so looking forward to see)

-the backstreets of a very rural Indian town

-the culture that im about to sample and witness (disclaimer: but obviously thru a visitors eyes)

-although i am sad, i wont be able to see jaipur and the pink city and the Taj Mahal, but i hope there will be a next time to visit it. for the meantime, i will be concentrating on the Southern part of India (the not so often featured part of India and apparently has the best seafood) specifically Kerala and Tamil Nadu, its food,its colours, its smells (Aileen, i will bring the pinchers as promised,haha),and its taste..

I am grateful for all the good things i am given, i just wish i can take you all with me=)

**

Thank you heavens, for always for knowing what i need before i do.

Thank you family and friends, for always being there.

x

Eat,Pray, Love (ok, copyright to Ms.Gilbert,haha).

The Rage
x

***

this is a sample of a video i saw for Kerala--often called as God's Own Country

copyright to ClaudioSilvano's Youtube account

iphone pics of the week..and the Pamela Wan saga

2010-08-09T01:56:00.008+01:00

if i want to remember what i did for the past few days, i get a reminder thru the pics on my iphone..

the photos on our phone are swatches of what happened during the week, as theyre the easiest and handiest photographic tool one is carrying these days.

i wanted to organise what i did this week, but i was thrown off by the anniversary date, in between events that happened before and after that.thank goodness from phone cameras, most especially, big storage in phones.

here are some photos from the phone (interspersed with photos from my Dinky Niki phone)..

ebi katsu from Wagamama meal Adrian and i enjoyed over last weekend..(iphone)

and the yummy chcken katsu curry...(iphone)

coming out of the resto/wagamamaplace, this was the lakeside 's array of restaurants.. (Nikon coolpix)

a view of how busy a weekend meal could mean...(Nikon coolpix)

*

also, i did a make up job this week, for a friend of mine.She is the mother of the bride.

she was quite happy with her make-up..For someone who doesnt wear make up, she asked me to have look that will look fresh and stay the whole afternoon til the wee hours of the morning.

(iphone)

(iphone)

(iphone)

Lisa was so happy most of all, because of her eyerows. She didnt know anyone who could draw her eyebrows the way she wanted it. She has barely there/to none eyebrows as its very thin and the colour is so fair. I had to literally draw eyebrows over and above the original one, to lift out her eyes. Yes, ladies, age is not kind to us..No matter how beautiful our features are, gravity gets to us, and it sucks..Thank you Lord for make-up.

The photo was done hours before the wedding as i had a prior engagement on the same day.

***

and then on friday, a late lunch with Bing. a filipina friend, my first ever filipina friend, when i moved to england, and who is just like my second mother. we had to squeeze a lunch meet-up because she was turning a year older this Thursday (12th) but i wont be able to see her.

We had lunch at Las Iguanas..we ordered the same exact food Ana and i ordered when the sis was here to visit me. I didnt take a photo of Bings and mine's lunch, but here's a phonecam photo of Ana and mine's lunch in May at Las Iguanas..

it was my birthday treat to a friend who is much like family to me. and we hardly see one another considering were just a few blocks away from eachother. we had to schedule meeting one another..

(iphone)

here's Bing during the ice cream dessert. This was her treat for me, and who am i to say No to ice cream?

(iphone)

***

And last night, a birthday party for Glen and Lionel at the local TGIF.

Lionel who's office is in Brussels likes TGIF for some reason (there must be no TGIF in Brussels,haha), requested to have the dinner there.

So off we went last night.

(Nikon coolpix)

(Nikon coolpix)

Heres the two..

both had birthdays together..one was the day before, one was the same exact date we celebrated.
both are South Africans..and gosh theyre like family to us..

after desserts we proceeded to more drinking and karaoke at Cheryl's house.

this is a photo of Cheryl, Pamela, and Glen, saying goodbye to us.. it was around 3AM. they were about to sing (and dance) the song Pamela Wan to me as a goodbye song. (i know theyre the craziest and funniest bunch..South Africans are the best party animals there are).

At the karaoke:

They asked me to sing the song Pamela Wan. They love it even if they cant read the lyrics nor sing it. They just loved that song because it has the name Pamela on it, which is Pam's complete name.

The whole night of the karaoke, they kept asking me to sing Filipino songs, but most Filipino songs i know are in english which they felt cheated about,haha. (it made me realise, for a Filipino, im so bad, not knowing Tagalog songs much. note to self: learn more tagalog songs).

History of the Pamela Wan song: when my sister Ana visited last time, they also invited us to a karaoke party. (their karaoke machine was a gift from adrian and I from the Phils,haha). As we have turns to sing, their daughter Yentl chose to sing the Pamela Wan song to all the South African guests delight..Ana and i laughed because the daughter couldn't sing it properly,and it was weird why she was singing a filipino song.

When Ana helped her/Yentl to sing it, they asked to repeat the song for Ana to sing properly. Ana became the hero in their eyes at that instant, as they all wanted to learn the song, because everytime their whole family are together, they try to sing the song, but they dont know how.

So Ana taught them the tune, and how to pronounce the words.

How easy to make these people happy.

***

Last night they kept wishing Ana was there to sing it properly for them..I wished that too,LOL.

**

i tried singing it last night, they all loved it..even if i half guessed the tune as when that song came out in the Philippines, i was already living in the UK. i only (barely) learned the tune from Ana.

i wanted to post the video of them singing the song as a goodbye, but im so embarassed as my voice was trying to coach in the background as well. its a sound for distress i must say,haha.

**

In exchange, these South African friends of ours are also happy that we love the song we heard played on Pam's ipod one barbeque evening we attended at their house.

we loved it too much that we decided to learn the lyrics from them, and sing and dance to it.

their faces laughing but beaming with happiness that we love a SA song.

its a song called "Los Lappie"

here's the clip..

Ana and i loved it..but obviously, they were laughing because apparently it has a rude meaning. it means loose women/men,hahaha..

who knew South African-Filipino music exchange will be between rude, or crappy music, yet end up satisfying to both parties?

world peace.

***

Good night my dearest los lappies..xxx

from: Pamela Wan

and 7 years after..

2010-08-03T23:15:00.004+01:00

..we still argue about how to photograph me..

and im getting fed up by it, from the looks of it...

..and on the train..thank you heavens for one-outstretched arm, to take photos using the phone..

happy 7th year dearest hubby..

you have been the best at everything, except at taking photographs..but nevertheless, you are irreplaceable=)x

****

..he apparently just needed warming up..x

**

photos from the iphone..x

the girl who saw the doctor

2010-07-27T23:11:00.003+01:00

and was told to rest her flaming throat, and was given antibiotics.

she was also told to get much TLC and rest.

so TLC she was given.

lots and lots of it.

she was indulged in her craving for pancakes (from he Coffeehouse).

and was indulged in getting a new bedsheet for the second bedroom from Ikea. (and some smelly votives,haha).

***

some photos from my Dinky Niki coolpix whilst having brunch, after a doctor's appointment.

the one who nurses me..=)

the sick and the (un)beautiful

i slurped my coffee like a thirsty leech

i was craving for these today..out of the blue..the first thing that came up to my mind when Adrian asked me what i wanted to eat.

Adrian had the full english

something special

the place..its beautiful inside and out..

***

it was also the place where THIS happened...

bbq with friends

2010-07-26T22:14:00.004+01:00

friends came by for a bbq dinner with us.

some days deserve good food and conversations...

***

we had the Donns and their South African friend who is holidaying with them for the moment, Emil, come over for a BBQ night.

photos from the day taken by Gigi..my G10

***

this is the small invited number

...but we downed 2 bottles of champagne, 1 bottle of sparkling wine, 1 bottle of chianti, and alot of cans of Carlsberg and Strongbow.

..the master barbe-cuer

my babies: the chinese lantern..im getting another set...

stories,stories,stories

bbq lamb chops, chicken, pork belly, sausages and burger

i also made sotanghon which is Cheryl's favourite..Adrian made potato salad and coleslaw.

getting serious..everytime theyre together, there's always an argument about education, politics and healthcare.

Emil at this stage was getting emotional..too much champagne,haha..

***

i took these photos whenever i had to go back in to get something inside the house. it was hard to take photos and cater to food and drinks..

sadly, i get overwhelmed with too many things going on:-)

the girl with the chinese lantern obsession

2010-07-26T11:17:00.003+01:00

..because Adrian bought me my longed-for wish: chinese lanterns, i decided, it was time for a bbq..

i had some friends over on Saturday.

some photos taken the day after the BBQ...i wasnt able to whip out my big Nikons during the BBQ because it was hard being the host and taking photos too..

so i will be backtracking photos. the next entry will be photos from that BBQ night from my canon g10..=)

dont you think they're the cutest?

***

everyone commented on them when they came in..

last night, my stepson had a meal with us, and he also commented on these beautiful lights..

theyre tiny but they're adorable.

now, i want to send some to my little house in talisay,haha.

***

PS. i woke up so late and feverish. and again, semi-deaf in one ear. ive been getting this ear problem lately.

im sure i have an infection, nothing that a good strong antibiotic (and freshly squeezed orange juice) cant cure.

stay healthy lovelies.

xxx

thai yay yay

2010-07-24T00:38:00.007+01:00

we had a lovely lovely thai dinner. i have been imagining this meal for a long time.

the last time i had this was when Ana was here in May.

Adrian took me to Sukothai to satiate this craving. And oh so worth it.

its so nice to have a change of food not prepared by me. Thai dinner over my cooking, anytime!

Im sure the husband was thinking that too,hahaha.

***

he gets serious when it comes to food. we both do.

our usual starter.

beef with sauce, kingprawn and coriander and soy sauce, and pork in blackbean sauce (and jasmine steamed rice)

special thai rice

pad thai and pla-rad-ros...(sea bream in chilli sweet and sour sauce).

***

(the blurry overwarm food photos are from my compact coolpix).

***

we came home tired and finished with a movie at home.

we have a big weekend ahead ...

have a wonderful weekend my lovelies!

xxx

dearest

2010-07-23T02:02:00.005+01:00

(i wonder what i was thinking here...was the view nice? i doubt it. its soho downstairs for crying out loud..maybe, i was too tired sitting down, and my tight trousers were already giving me a wedgy..whatever it was,it sure wasnt me, pretending to be 'candid' on a very posed photo op, of course, i wasnt! *hehe*)

***

Dear self,

"You will get by." These words carry near your heart, and carry it tight. You will get by, because we know,certain situations aren't meant to last. Such emotions are fleeting and finicky,never lasting.

You will get by. carry these words around your neck, like an armor. You will get by because we know, no amount of feeling sorry for ourselves can change the situation, nor alter your demeanor. Laugh it out if you may.

You will get by. Carry these words, hold it to your chest, like a weapon. Kill the vanity, suck the whining, and cut the ties that drag you down. Harbor disgust for anything that shouldnt be.

You will get by. carry these words, grab it and tie it to your navel. Make it part of your system, like you were born with it. Don it like your most comfortable trousers, like the best pair of shoes you always wanted. Wear it proudly.

You will get by. Carry these words close to you, and remember them, because you will. Like you always do.

You will get by.

You will.

Do not doubt it.

Love,

you.

**

damn! ive had too much chilli tonight,haha.

sunday night, monday night,and tuesday night

2010-07-20T23:51:00.004+01:00

in my quest to be current.. here are what went on in my life since sunday night.

do not get puzzled why they are food photos. my life's centred around food.

sunday night, Adrian had his friend Pat around for desserts.

he came over at 7:30 pm, and stayed till 10pm.

Pat is a retired professor and now is enjoying life as a B & B owner at the Isle of Mull.

he and Adrian (and some others) are quite close and they always see one another at least once a year, althought they communicate regularly due to a business they have together.

here are the two, having baked apple pie and vanilla ice cream at the garden.

***

ive been having guests in the garden recently. its the only place in the house that you can breathe in, its so warm inside the house.

on monday night, i had my friend Lisa drop by and had biscuits and orange juice with me at the garden. she needed to drop by to drop off stuff i ordered from her Pampered chef party..*yaaayyy to a growing collection of bamboo cooking spoons, chef knives and some new baking tools*.

i wasnt able to take a photo of her, but i was able to take a photo of my dinner cooked by Adrian..

unfortunately, i wasnt able to take the sliced photo as i was famished by the time adrian dished out.

the cook who tended the garden before all the kitchen tasks he had to do as well. (no, im not a slave driver,really,haha).

the small yet very productive garden..we have a strawberry patch, tomato patch, an herb (rosemary, coriander, thyme) patch, carrots, potato patch, parsnip patch, plum and apple tree, blackcurrant, raspberry and blueberry bushes...as well as a flower patch, two tubs and four various little containers.

the gardener is quite a busy teacher as well, so he does what he can and i say he does a very good job=)

***

adrian's last day for work before summer holidays was today. so we met up at a coffee shop and had a 'summer plan' talk.

tonight, i was craving for something "saucy" and i was craving for roti's too, so i decided to go 'indian'.

***

hmmnnn, i wonder what tomorrow brings..

fish and chips maybe?

**

all photos (except the cofee + cake photo done by the iphone), are from my Dinky Niki (Nikon Coolpix).

film fetish,incoherence and backblogs

2010-07-18T02:07:00.002+01:00

i have two packs of these babies for my polaroid camera, and a fresh two 10 pc pack of fuji instax.

i want to use them, anticipating to do, yet, i have been holding back because im scared to waste them on useless scenery that doesnt warrant capturing (as i do on my digital slr's most of the time,*nyorknyork*)

i still have to scan alot of instants i took the day Ana was leaving for the Philippines, yet, i am bothered that my blog is neither here,there,everywhere,so inconsistent and yes, illogical.

which leads me to another point.

i envy those bloggers who are able to blog in consistent sequence with regards to their acitivites in time (Aileen, Mai,Lynette are you all reading this?).

i am not.

i still have photos from way back ancient 2008, then when my mom was here, and some photos from Ana's visit.

i worry, i will have dementia before i can get to blogging them down.

currently, i can blog about something that happened today, then post photos from way back 2007, or christmas 2009, then back to summer 2008.

it is indeed true, our blogs are a true reflection of ourselves: in my case: incoherent,oftentimes backwards, sometimes too forward, and never here.

oh well, tomorrow, i might post photos of yesterday, but then again, who knows? maybe adrian's pictures from way back 1960s.

honestly, i am as clueless as the lady who brings stale sandwhich packs to the hospital every lunch time.

the V&A museum day,etc,etc

2010-07-17T01:44:00.010+01:00

Ana and i decided to attend the Grace Kelly (dresses and costumes) exhibition at the Victoria and Albert Museum one day.

As most days, we always end up around lunch time in central london, because we dilly dally during breakfast always leaving the house at almost 11 in the morning.

I always wanted to take her (and all my guests who visit me) to Dino's one of my favourite pasta places in london, down at South kensington Station.

So i did.

It was logical as the restaurant was a walking distance from the V&A.

Here are some memorable photos that day

***

lovely embossed plates

hungry Ankai

starters that didnt even touch the table for more than a few minutes

with her ticket to get inside the viewing

'who the hell is that?'..ehem ehem..dont ask, i am a woman who loves her pasta,haha.

the foyer of the museum

the beautifully tiled hallway

at the giftshop..after the exhibit

no its not a wide angle lens..my back is indeed wide..*hehehe*

i hate this photo, only because i know, and remember the feeling i had that time..i had to hold my gut in, and pretend i didnt have a big bowl of pasta..

daghan sa Carbon anah..mas barato pa,haha

but those quilts..ahhh, i wanted to covet.

she was exhausted...can you imagine daily laag with a very demanding 'ate'? nyayks!

candid...daw!

she has very bad myopia, but she hates wearing her glasses...so the squinting

one day Turkey, i shall conquer you..just wait and see=)

some ancient costumes from Ottoman times

i have always been fascinated with arabic structures...=)

we joked that she should marry an Arabic man as she loves Arabic food...oh my word, she chews my ears just talking about the Arabian restaurant we ate at..

bowls from a certain time

getting into a cab ..to go make up shopping!!!! LOOK at that excited face=)

the driver a morose Geordie..but he was fast=)

a certain smile..

**

PS..no photos from the Grace Kelly exhibit as photography was'nt allowed..bummer!.

***
this day was a hectic day..more stories soon..x

no title

2010-07-15T01:07:00.003+01:00

just me and him.

simple as that.

it was one lazy,whatever-goes saturday..well, sort of

2010-07-11T21:07:00.003+01:00

friday night, adrian and i were too lazy to do anything after overhauling the loft (attic) as our ''day-off" chore. decluttering is one major planned activity if you live in a small space like we do here in the UK. most of our junk is in the loft, and most of my seasonal junk is in the second/guest bedroom.

after having takeaways for the night, we decided to just have takeaways and plunk in the front room and watch mindnumbing television (like you do in hot summer nights like we have been having).

we decided wake up early the next day to go to the boot fayre (fela market) and see if we fancy anything worth getting (ironic, we just took out some junk from upstairs to buy someone else's junk,haha). [you might be happy to know,we only had donuts and coffee at the fayre as it was too hot, and we went home for lunch and a looong nap].

Adrian woke me up at almost 5 pm in the afternoon and told me that we should get ready for dinner. I was feeling tired. It was still screaming hot outside. Plus, i didnt want to leave the coolness of our airconditioned bedroom.

In true chivalric Adrian style, he said, its too hot to even cook and said, he would take me out to the mall for some cooling down and have dinner at one of the restaurants. I was happy as i was craving for pasta the entire week.

***

in related news, i got these photos using my brand new Nikon Coolpix camera..a tiny pink coloured one.it still had a warranty and all. in our clearing up of boxes, Adrian said,he still has a brandnew camera he bought for me two christmasses ago but realised its not what i wanted (coz he heard me oohh-aahh-ing over a CanonG10 and was recommended by the Jessops seller what a great cam a G10 was), so he bought me the G10 instead (but he already bought the Coolpix one). So he planned to return the Coolpix after the new year..and forgot about it--so in short, it was never returned within its allowable period of 28 days.

another christmas has passed, its still sitting in one of his filing cabinet.

so who am i to say no to a camera??? its a dinky little 8megapixel one, but it works like magic. great for those restaurant moments, where i dont get self conscious taking pics.

photos from saturday night..using my Dinky Niki

at 830pm..the sun was shining and had no plans of leaving

in true world cup fever..

we stayed inside the airconditioned restaurant..the outside was very humid

'love long days like these

i cant be bothered putting on make up when its humid..i feel sticky and lazy..and i sweat alot..so just sunblock, first coat of mascara and a lipbalm, voila! looking like a fresh lola..(PS> ok,ok, a little erasure of my zits via Photoshop..but shush, its our secret)

my lovely husband...no photoshop required.haha

can you tell, i had a big nap? i was still feeling dazed at this time..

best paired with the italian pasta

our favourite starter.the classico..i swear, i wish they serve rice to pair off with my calamari's=)

my fave everywhere i go, i always have pasta gamberi..medium spicy too=)

**

we went home to our dessert: we had red wine and cheeses (brie, camembert ,stilton and mature cheddar) and bannofee pie paired with vanilla ice cream...and watched Alice in Wonderland DVD..

these are the best things that no money could account for.

time well spent, with just myself and the big A.

we are dirty in a dancing kind of way

2010-07-10T01:16:00.006+01:00

one of the things i always plan for my guests when they come here is to visit the Westend and watch a stage play.

lat year, when my family visited me, watching a stage play was one of the main plans.

we had so many options, but because Mama is not your stageplay kind of gal, we decided to book something that she would surely enjoy, as we thought "Wicked" was something too theatrical, and "Chicago" would be too girly/cabaret for Roi..we didnt worry about Ana as she is a theatre nut,LOL.

Plus it was the only stage play Adrian and i havent seen of all the things we wanted to see.(weve seen Fame, Lion King, Chicago, Wicked, Les Miserables, Billy Elliott, The Woman in Black.. there's one we hope to see: Phantom of the Opera-everytime we book it, we dont get the seat we want. we don't want to be far from the stage because i get disappointed not getting a good view..poor eyesight).

And we made the right choice..

Some photos of the night.

***

at home, prepping our looks, waiting for Adrian to start the car.

isnt she beautiful? i wish she wears make up more often to emphasize her strong features..

the brother looking more kitted for London weather

and the sis..urban goth chic chick.

***

(some more pics from the Canon G10)--

more of the sis=)

souvenir shot 1

souvenir shot 2

the Aldwych was quite small. so we were nearer to the stage than we expected

we were excited..

phototaking isn't allowed,hehe (Canon G10 without a flash--the best)

then some aftershow dinner and drinks..we went to a french restaurant near the Aldwhych

amazed at the conversation with adrian

looka looka heree

we were still talking about the show..how wonderful it was

and of course, the mr. and missus

mama exhilirated by her new experience

souvenir book/programme from the show

appetizer (i had assortment of bread and pate)

roi had the same

i think everyone had different stuff ordered but i was too busy eating, i didnt finish taking photos..

on our way home, we had a little joyride around london town to see the magical lights adorning the city at night..

one memorable night for me. i hope it was memorable for them too.

***

when are you visiting?

i'll arrange something for you..x

a tale of two barbies

2010-07-09T02:54:00.008+01:00

she was feeling down. unmotivated and just feeling overall lousy.

it was a saturday, the 3rd of july, but believing that going out and meeting friends will pick her up and put back the smile to an already 'age-ing face', she ignored her mood and gathered all selfwill left of her.

so she mustered the energy to dress up. donned on a cheap high street frock, but sunshiny enough to put a spring in her flipflopped soles.

first off was at her friend's penny's.

but because the husband forgot to bring the pressie, they headed back home again the moment they arrived in the carpark.

they bickered. like they do, on every social function they go to because somehow, one is always forgetting something, and then like every other social function they go to, they get over it once theyre out of the car, because he always say something funny that makes her laugh.

(with the birthday girl penny)

(the jampacked garden)

she met alot of familiar faces (family of penny's. and some close friends, and some acquainted over the years for that annual penny barbeque get together., ad oh, natasha and her new boyfriend was there too!).

barbeque, laugh, chat chat, laugh, introductions, laugh, chat, barbeque, then bye bye.

then afterwards, a curry and rib steak at Cheryl's to meet Emil, a visiting south african friend of Cheryl and Glens..

(cheryl and emil. emil works for a diplomatic office in SA)

(he looks very macho, but let me tell you, he is as gay as gay can be---luvverly. i was in love with him. he talks with panache and just gives that whiff of a previous life working in SA movie industry).

she and him went home at 2 am. him, worse for wear, after bottles 'strongbow' and 'carlsberg'.

she, again the chauffeur to home, tired and smiling. at last.

what it is lately

2010-07-01T22:55:00.006+01:00

Sadness overwhelms me. its quite weird because the sun is full in its shining glory from the moment you wake and up until 9pm, and i always associated my temporal sadness to this country's grey skies.

Can you imagine eating dinner when you feel like its lunch time still? the sun gives that impression. The sun has been very faithful lately and it gives you that sense of being awake, no matter how little sleep you've had the night before.

Ennui has come over me again, maybe, because i have been out of touch to alot of people dear to me, and my husband comes home to an already tired and depleted wife, while whatever energy left of him is out to tend to his garden which needs some TLC of water. The lack of rain is becoming evident, amidst adrian's blooming garden.

There is not much to do, and there is so little motivation to do it. (I was always known to be someone who cant deal with being on my own, thus maybe the demotivation). This is the cross to bear when you live far and away from people dear and close to you. The husband can only do so much with a wife who cannot be excited to do anything or motivated to be doing other than slumping infront of the television after a long day's work. Come weekend, im too exhausted to even think about socialising. Although my husband is a continuous source of joy and comfort, there is that space inside you that can only be fulfilled by family, by longtime friends, who know you inside out.

So please, bear with me the next few weeks, while i battle with my own demons. I know, sooner or later,(after some self reflection and some time with friends) my spirit would have nourished itself and it will come back in time to reclaim ME..deep down, no matter how i come across, or how i seem to be, i do care, and i am trying to be gentle with hearts close to me, no matter sometimes, taking care of mine, is put in the backdoor.

***

some pictures from the front of the house..

im showing off Adrian's hardwork (im talking about the flowers being in full bloom as he has no talent in landscaping whatsoeveer,haha). He is amazing, as he is quite a busy man, yet he has so much time for his garden, for me and for the house. Where he gets his energy i dont know.

i sometimes, wish im like him. so gallantly confident, not clingy for attention and love, not overbearing, and so kind with words.

his back garden is in full bloom with fruit and vegetable produce, and even more flowers. I will take pictures of them when ive cleared out the rockery that he still have not finished, It just looks chaos right now.

one of the many pots he revived

the side of the house is a spurt of colour...these flowers are such beautiful decoration to an ageing house

some of his blooms..he has this profound love for his plants and flowers, and you can tell that the saying that "gardening is a relaxing hobby" is true, as it extends to Adrian's personality. He is chilled and so relaxed, i envy him. i am the exact opposite. i worry about everything. i lose sleep over the most trivial of things.

***

just sharing all these..coz maybe, once i press the send button, i might feel the sun in my veins, and start reclaiming lost summer days fretting over the future which may not be mine to start with.

little nuggets

2010-06-24T12:59:00.004+01:00

(taken at Soho hotel for my sis' and i's make up mentorship training. fun, awesome day it was).

photo by the ever pretty and nifty Gigi (my canon g10)

***

i am celebrating my successful feat over a research project weighing as heavy as myself. it was 6,600 words of academic research/assignment (medical journal sites such as pubmed and medline have been my constant internet trawls of late) that i thought i will never ever make the deadline. . but i did. and the funny thing was, it was a self imposed deadline two days before the real deadline because i wanted to have two days to myself (to just space out in the world, and feel slack).

so far, im enjoying it.

***

there are simply petty things thats been bugging me lately, and maybe because i am hormonal, or maybe because i have too much time on my hands that i am becoming petty.

case number 1: online sellers who i don't know keeps inviting me to be their "friend" in multiply. i have a few real friends that does online selling too, [which i like and believe in their products] and i'm friends with them, because i'm "friends" with them. but these invites are from total strangers.

i cant believe, that everyday i have an invite who i keep ignoring, yet keeps popping up. i dont mind them inviting me, but they havent seen my face pop up in their site, so im not really interested. and whether or not, will buy their products, if i was their friend, i will accept them. but not that way.

case number 2: a few online sellers are posting things like "selling Hermes bags with slight factory defect" at affordable prices. What the! Anyone who believes them are total mugs. there is no such thing as factory defect Hermes, as Hermes bags are all handcrafted in Italy..i wonder what these sellers are thinking, they dont even know about the product theyre trying to copy..if they researched, Hermes doesnt have a chinese factory, thats why have maintained they reputation and their enormous prices...they should just sell them and market it as "Hermes knock-offs"..maybe, some die hard knock-off buyer will buyit..not.

case 3: online sellers who keep tagging friends, or myself at FB...i keep seeing friends being tagged, and it irritates me. I know people have to make money for a living, i respect that, but im sure these friends of mine would want their profiles advertisement free (especially from knock-off Hermes bags,LOL). tagging is irritating at its best anyhow, esp if you dont know what photos of you they posted. can you imagine being tagged with buying these things that are not worth your time, or knock-off watches. if my friends wanted to buy them, im sure they would keep it to themselves and not the whole facebook community know about it.

but i love it when friends get tagged for albums im not supposed to see anyway as im not friends with their friends..i get to see them in "action", if you know what i mean. LOL.

i also loved tags of myself for invites to christenings, weddings, and good natured gatherings..these are beautiful reasons to be tagged for.

case 4: librarians who keep ringing me at home for books which are due a week from when they call. really.

her reason, to give me time to arrange return of books.

gosh, how will i forget to return big academic/medical books that sits on my dining table. repulsive things.

i cant wait to get rid of them. really.

case 5: people who book you for things and do not turn up.(or in my case, call on the day that its not happening due to some minor problem).

thank you for deposits. thank you for deposits.

case 6: people who change their wedding schedules (numerous times). sadly i am a multiple-roled-individual, and i cannot be hanging around the elusive date as it affects my 'other' dates too.

first, the venue they wanted is booked. fine. the second,the grandmother has a knee op that date cant attend the wedding. third, the change of date for grandma, caused problems with venue. toinks.

3x is enough already . after this, no more.

i'm only in this for fun.

if its not fun, 'not doing it.

thats that.

***

we have an overflowing garden of strawberries.

adrian and i have been round friends to share them as we cant eat two bags of strawberries everyday.

i wish you guys are near, i will definitely be round to give you a bag of strawberries and raspberries.

***

and thats that.

x

papa talk

2010-06-20T23:33:00.005+01:00

i spoke to my mama for my regular sunday phone call with her. she told me that she and the rest of the family went to the cemetery to visit Papa's grave.

it pinched me. because God, how i wish i was with them.

my father died in January 2007,just after a great christmas holiday we spent with him, and after a promise that he was coming to visit me here in England.

but of course, he never ever had the chance to visit me. (which makes me sad). after we organised for the long arduous process of his passport, he died.

but not to dwell on my sadness, my father is a pinch in my chest. he is.

he was my first hero, and he could do no wrong in my eyes. even if he died no matter what age, whether at 100 years old, or his 57 years, he would still be a pinch in my chest to talk about and remember. people we love, we always wish and somehow mentally bestow immortality on them.

in my life as a blogger since 2004, i have spoken of my love of my father since i could remember although not solely, oftentimes my blogs are peppered with narration of adoration for the first man who had my heart.

he was and still is a pinch in my heart because apart from everything else, he was my driving force to everything i did in my life. i sought his approval for everything, from clothes, boyfriends (not that i heeded, but i sought his nod like crazy), and career choice.

my father was also my ally. my Mama and i, when we had our mini-quarrels, i ran to my papa. i always did. but my papa always sided with my mama, lol. but even then, he could do no wrong. he was still loved.

i always look forward to talking to him because he would always laugh on the other end of the line when i make jokes or make some weird comment about my new life in england and tell him of my 'weird dreams for the family'. and i love it, when he says on the phone "taod-taod na lagi ka wala katawag" / "its been some time since you phoned" even if the last time was a day ago.

and he would always say to my cousins jokingly "nindaot na lagi ka karl" "youve lost weight karl" everytime karla comes over. (he cant even see, he was blind!,LOL).

i dont know where this story is heading but this is important to me. because you, the reader has to know that for whatever i am now, and whatever i do, its all because there was a man named Celso who is beloved and is sorely missed until the day he would welcome me aboard in our maker's kingdom.

i am writing this because this makes me feel whole again.

and its because, there is one day that i am allowed to talk about the father who has long gone and yet still pinches the sore scabs of the heart left splintered the day he stopped breathing.

i miss him so much. there is not a day i am not reminded that he lived.

"The Rage" lechon manok (for T)

2010-06-17T00:52:00.007+01:00

I dont normally post recipes. First because i know, i am not a seasoned cook, and secondly, most of my recipes are hand-me-downs by my mother which i consider sacred and exclusive.

Also, i had a bad experience of giving away a recipe to a friend, and i did not only end up without a 'thank you' but criticised my recipe saying when she tried it, it wasnt as good as the one she always wanted.

But because my friend T asked me to share with her my recipe for a "senior san pedro"-like taste of a baked chicken (note: senior san pedro is a lechon manok brand popular in cebu, which is very much has a distinct taste.. i tried experimenting and replicating it until i got the taste exactly to how i wanted it, which i thought somewhat similar to the taste, so just a note of warning, this recipe is not from senior san pedro the lechon manok brand, nor do i claim its the exact taste..i just feel it tastes like the spit roasted chicken popular in my region) , i obliged. I also said i will kill her afterwards, which she said, she didn't mind,haha.. (you can tell a true blue cook and a true blue foodie, when they dont mind dying and killing for the sake of a recipe,haha).

So, i am sharing this to all the readers who happen to pass by this blog too, as its no point of sharing it to one, since i'm sharing anyway.

My husband calls this The Rage Lechon manok as he said he could eat a whole one if no one stops him.

and he is not a fan of roasted chicken, but since he had this oriental taste, he since liked roasted chicken

Also a warning: this is quite a long winded process. so you need patience to cook this.

***

what to prepare:

for a piece of Large whole chicken:

Prepare the marinade:

2 oranges squeezed

1 lyme squeezed (if in the phils, lemonsito around 2 pcs)

2 stalks of lemongrass (cut in inches)

a pinch of dried rosemary (optional)

1 cooking onion/ sliced (this tastes sweeter than the purple one but you can use the purple one too if thats the only available ..

a few cloves of garlic (crushed)

around two to three tablespoons of oyster sauce

around 2 spoonfuls of soy sauce

***

onions, cut slices of lemongrass and pinch of dried rosemary

on the left: lyme..on the right: orange (both squeezed)

crushed garlic

oyster sauce

soy sauce (i know, silver swan right?lol) i love my earls court haunts for home stuff

***

Mix all of the ingredients and sauces, in a bowl, and put your freshly washed chicken in the marinade..

fresh whole chicken (not frozen).. (note: pat dry with paper towel after you wash..or the marinade wont soak)

marinate the chicken for 30 minutes to 1 side, and another 30 minutes on the other side

***

while youre marinating, preheat your oven to 190 degrees C (fan operated)

***

After marinating the chicken, place inside the chicken all the cut onions/lemongrass/garlic..

Place the chicken on a roasting dish and put in the top tray of your oven..Cover with aluminum foil

***

Cook for an hour..but every twenty minutes, take out to baste the chicken skin with the marinade sauce

***

After an hour, take out the foil, and cook for another 45-50 minutes, depending on chicken size (but basting the chicken skin every 15 minutes).

To know whether you've cooked enough after 45 minutes, slice the side of the chicken leg near the groin area, if blood still purts out, then you have to add another 10 minutes.

***

Serve..

in my own experience, the juices that come out of the chicken everytime you slice is worth the time and effort..

very juicy and pairs well with hot rice..and steamed vegetables and roasted potatoes or a jacket potato

***

Let me know how yours ended up..

***

Sorry T, i forgot to take a photo of the chicken after i dished out, i totally forgot that i was documenting for you,LOL.

***

i was trying to erase some pics from my camera to lull me to sleep and i found the photos which reminded me to post them,LOL.

the missing link

2010-06-10T23:01:00.005+01:00

ask me how my inaanaks look like right now, and what they're busy about at this moment, i could generally tell you what they are doing. my kumares are very good at letting me know how the kids are and and are always making me part of the lives of their little ones, my inaanaks.

it also helps that i am connected with them through blogs and Facebook which makes it easy to browse through their photos and get updated.

but my niece,Mika on the other hand, who i love dearly, ask me how she is, i wouldn't be able to tell you much. ironic? say it again.

its not for the lack of trying, its just, theres not much news i could get from her parents. her dad/my brother is not the talkative type so his reporting style will be curt and short. plus, the people he talk to in the house aren't much of a reporters to me too (due to commitments). so what little they get from my brother on his visits to mama's house, it is compressed to very little back to me. my sister-in-law and my brother are at work, so she and my brother aren't on the computers much (esp. with a baby, who has the time?LOL).

in my breaks and when i have time, i continually browse through Mika's photos, old that that they are, but they're perfect for the meantime. They are something for me to hold on to, until i see her again next year.

the photos come from Ana's photos that i copied on my portable drive.

i scrounge for every piece of photos my niece has. like an addict looking for that last morsel of coke before the withdrawal symptoms kick in.

they'll do for now. they'll do for now.

India looms

2010-06-09T19:54:00.007+01:00

***

photo: my visa for india..

***

for some time, i have had reservations regarding the India trip. If you know me, one of my greatest fears is visa applications anywhere in the world.

ive always find applying for one such a nerve wracking exercise, no matter what country you're applying to especially if you have committed to alot of people and being denied one always means disappointing the people you comitted to.

i always associate my visa fears to some traumatic experiences in the past. one is the last application for my sister's and my brother's visa to come and visit me in this country. it was longwinded and just too much bureaucracy. i know we all have to do it, but if you know in your heart these people arent intending to stay in the country they're visiting and still get such treatment like an illegal immigrant, its so frustrating to say the least.

but thats not my biggest visa story. There was one application in July 2005.

My cousin Joan was getting married in August that year, and she was so sweet, she moved her wedding to August, instead of their original plan so i could attend the wedding since i intended to come home that month.

Adrian and i almost were not given the visa/stamp. We were told that i lacked 1 document, (for the year 2004) even if i have given them all my payslips in all the months of 2004, and all addressed to the same address as that of Adrian's (we were living together after all,LOL).

I was quite upset because i had all documents except just 1 minor one (a utility bill) that i lacked because i thought i have given more than enough documentation and proof.

But the man wasnt satisfied. he said he couldnt justify that Adrian and i lived together and are living as Man and wife without that gas bill under my name in year 2004. (apparently they wanted 3 utility bills, i only gave two and a handful of bank statements and the whole year of payslips which were all under the same address).

If he had some common sense, he would know we were genuine. But of course, they are very bookish, and they stick to certain rules that they need to follow and boxes to tick.

We pleaded and asked him to please just stamp the visa, and that we have a wedding to attend in Cebu the week after and i wont be able to come back to the UK if the stamp isnt given to me, as my old visa will expire.

He wouldnt have it.

You know what happened next?

It was the first time i saw Adrian tearfully pleading to anyone a man at that and pleaded with him. My heart just leaped and felt sooo sorry for him. Here was my husband who is a well respected instructor, who has pride and self-respect, would plead to man (tearfully) and begging him to consider. (it makes me tearful everytime i remember that moment).

This was happening infront of a queue of people, who could see what he and i were doing as our voices were getting louder as the man was behind a glass enclosure.

I felt sorry for Adrian and my heart just got so crushed seeing my husband like that, who i know would never do that to anyone, but he did so that time, because HE WANTED ME TO STAY in the country.

What did i do?

I scooped the semi kneeling Adrian and hugged him (i didnt care what people thought, to hell with them that time), and i said to him "honey, you didnt need to do that.you dont need to kneel down and beg anyone for my sake.. dont worry, i will just phone Joan and tell her we cant go home as i need time to process my residency. i know she will understand", and gave the man behind the counter a dagger look. Adrian wouldnt have it as he feels letting Joan down, and the option would be to let me go home and stay for a few months while sorting the permit to come back which could take months or a year!

I eventually convinced him by telling him, id rather risk the ire of my family than leaving him on his own and not be able to come back for a time just so i could sort the visa. (i knew Joan would have understood).

I hugged Adrian (i was also crying this time) and told him were leaving and didnt give the man behind the counter any courtesy as he felt he didnt deserve it.

We went out, and just by the exit area, the security guard called us back. And we were asked to go to a different desk. The man who served us was there waiting for us, and said "look, im not supposed to give you a consideration like this, but how can you get me the document within today?".

as we live just under an hour away from Croydon we told the man we could get the document within two hours, he gave us a special pass to go and come back the very same day (not a usual happening apparently).

i dont know what changed his mind, but i have realised that once we stop bending over and foregoing our principles for the sake of bureucracy, things can still go our way.

Adrian and i did our part, the hell would i let my husband ask and beg for my sake and humiliate himself? I didnt have the heart to see him do that.

But after the incident the man saw beyond what alot of people only see, the age, culture and color difference,it all means nothing. Not when love is involved.

So visa and visa applications, theyre tricky. people who have the power to stamp your passports do not only need the basic intelligence to read your documents and applications, but also the common sense to read what goes on infront of them.

***

i am getting all emotional writing this down. its another humbling reminder how such one person love me to bits. and a beautiful reminder that i love him back.

with all my heart. fiercely.

***

im tagging you to write a moment in your life where love has more than proven itself to you.

you, who care to share.

***

[edit: i am going to india to photograph my friend's wedding and his brother's wedding, and a few days to go around see some sights..and on the way back to the UK, a stopover for a few days in Dubai to see friends..*excited*].

summer envy--no more

2010-06-04T17:56:00.004+01:00

***

edited photo of my cousin K, in Boracay..(this was using the small digicam)..x

***

When my sister was here last March and April, she really was lucky to have been given a beautiful summery feel to April. (although the occasional cloudy days would resurface probably once a week/ majority of April was picnic and barbeque fun.

And then she went back home in May. The first two weeks were marred with showers and greyness. It was as if the sun hid because my smile did.

And then now, the forecasts have nothing been positive. We've been enjoying the sun eversince the start of halfterm/sembreak. Yesterday was even unbearable, we had to retreat to the mall after Adrian's minor surgery (nothing scary).

I have been having 'summer-envy' for the last few weeks, but now, its just only beach-envy.

Anyone care to bring me to the beach please?

***

We went to our GP today, for our vaccination consultation for our trip to India this August (pending on visa,haha). We were told that we need to have shots for diptheria, typhoid,tetanus,hepatitis,polio..and malaria tabs are needed too.

goodluck to my kidney and liver.

x

***

PS: do you know any acoustic band in cebu? ive googled and searched, i only came across guitarfest which is more of a rock-style acoustics.

im looking for acoustic bands/group that could play filipino/some english songs, preferrably for a wedding.

i one time saw an exhibit in SM for Cebu Guitar Association year 2002, and they had guitar players who were so talented. I wish, got their number.

No one seems to know.

wanted: japanese food partner

2010-05-26T01:07:00.003+01:00

***
my usual fare..veggie rice,prawn tempura, salmon sashimi, salmon sushi, chicken katsu.x

***

there is no denying, i am a japanese food addict.

i love it, but my husband is averse to it. (he only eats tempura and chicken katsu).

japanese food and dining is such a social experience (intimate spaces/sharing cubicles,etc), that its alot better (and tastes better too) when eaten with someone.

when my sister was here, we made a point we'd eat japanese food once a week. (no fail!,lol).

but now that she's not here, i am relegated to eating on my own again.

and its not as fun.

i eat and scurry away quickly because most often than not, i just go in, to satisfy my craving.

and not only does it make crave for it more. but crave for the company of sis as well.

so the word's out: japanese resto-hopping partner position available.

applicants are welcome to send in their CV's (preferrably in bento boxes).

the more,the merrier.

closure

2010-05-17T11:51:00.011+01:00

pastel perfect house in portobello..just like in dreams

***

this blog appeared in my dream for the last three weeks. recurrent, and persistent.

one was that i opened the blog and the colour scheme changed (from blue it turned to lavender) and i was browsing through the old blogs as if it was someone else owned it, and yet i saw photos of myself and familiar faces. entries were familiar, yet someone else owned it.

i felt a pang of jealousy there, that i remember most of that dream.

another dream was that i read a comment from someone famous. i forgot who it was now, but for the love of me, no matter what i do, the comment would not register. i kept apologising to the commentor but the commentor for some reason cannot be reached. it was frustrating that dream.

and the other night this blog reappeared again, it was owned by some old lady who had ties with the cooking world. she was a popular chef and i bumped into this blog and read through her entries only to find out, that her entries were my old entries yet people's comments were directed at her and her fabulous cooking, and her wonderful restaurant. i felt a pang of jealousy. (this blog is mine! this blog is mine!)..(oh and the fettucine they mentioned sounded divine,haha).

i know there are so many schools of thought that try to interpret dreams. interpretations of the dreams may vary from the freudian, subliminal, and to oldschool baloney but it all boils down to one thing.

i have parting issues with this blog. this was (and still is) my favourite.

i dished out alot more here and poured my heart and soul to it more than i did anywhere.

i re-read the entries here again and i have so much grown from who i was. this space has been with me all throughout bouts of sickness, travels, happiness, triumphs and a whole lot of transitions, whether internal or physical changes.

this is where i felt most vulnerable in too.

where we speak our most innermost thoughts, our most precious dreams, our most sacred thoughts, thats where vulnerability sets in. we know we can easily get attacked and when we divulge those innermost feelings--what we divulge can be used against us.

but that doesnt erase the feeling that the closure of this blog emanated from too much self consciousness.

that feeling has passed. yet i feel i cheated myself to one of the best blogs i have ever given myself.

i need closure, but i cannot give myself that.

needs must.

the saga continues.

until here...

2010-02-24T18:56:00.004Z

someone asked, was i relieved that i said my part?

there's no happiness in hurting someone you really care for, even if what you're telling them is your honest-straight-hearty-goodness emotions--because you're hurt.

so the answer is NO. i am not relieved. and i am not happy.

neither am i proud of what i did but there are things you had to do as a friend.

when you feel things might be a problem in the long run, then I'd rather be the one to tell them, than 'other' people. because i would feel that i have let other people down as a friend if someone pointed it out to them.

(really, i expect my friend to tell me if i got my knickers all knotted in the back in everyone's full view, and not wait for other people to tell me themself.)

but "where" i did it was wrong.

even if it was done in love and gently as possible, i still look like an ass.

in hindsight, i am to blame if i end up as "sheila-no-mates". i scared and yes, put off present friends of how 'overbearing' i can be with telling off friends. but i thought if i privately tell off someone, i could be accused of hurting a person, when in all truth, i was telling them off nicely. so i thought, what i can tell to one friend, i can tell everyone.

but then, we do things, thinking they were right.

no matter how the intention, it comes fall flat on your face if you do things, garishly and irrationally...things you hate in the first place.

***

but all is not lost.

the person more than redeemed themself for being humble and ever apologetic.

which in all honesty very sweet.

so there goes I feeling guilty for having done it in the first place.

and yes, feeling like an ass.

there's my piece of humble pie for you..

***

and why am i closing this blog? because i want to share soooo much but i feel a little bit self conscious.

i have just done social media suicide with my outpouring of hurts and emotions , theres also that thing called "accept the consequences of your actions".

so this is me, hanging on a piece of string, all voluptuous 86 kgs of me.

tongue hanging out and still feeling like an ass.

in prison

2010-02-16T23:38:00.004Z

the woods at work... where i normally park my car.. iphone photo, using "lomob apps"...

***

i havent been talking about my present work/placement: the prison service for alot of reasons.

i am bound by legal and ethical premise to my profession, and i really wasn't sure of what to say, without giving too much away. well, you can guess, the best bits to share, are the ones which would give away which place i am.

but me, being me, i cannot resist a good chinwag about what i am currently busy about, and getting so worked up every morning for.

so here are some interesting bits i want to remember about my current place of practice without making a distinct point to which HMP (Her Majesty's Prison) prison i am in.

-the first day i arrived at the prison, i was searched from top to toe. well everyday i am searched thoroughly. but because, my face has been familiar to the guards, they have stopped searching me like a fugitive, or someone with a plot to hostage the place.

-on the first day, i immediately learned that i am not allowed the following: mobile phone, USB drives, camera, tin foil (yes!, tinfoil!). i had to unpack my sandwhich and wrap it with a tissue, and put it in my bag (*sob*). and warned every single day that a chewing gum is not allowed in. i had to walk back to the carpark and leave the "goods"--mobile phone, USB, camera,etc..in the car.

-whenever a Vietnamese inmate sees me, they immediately speak to me in Vietnamese and think that i could immediately translate for them to the doctor. i apologize and say "im sorry,i do not speak Vietnamese. Im from the Philippines", and most often than not, they look disappointed (even annoyed) and even sometimes insist, that i should speak Vietnamese,LOL.

-i feel safe inside the confines of the prison. there are alarms and cameras everywhere. the sad thing is you cant pick your nose, or fix that knicker-wedgy lest the officers checking the cameras 24/7 will put it on YOUtube, LOL.

-eversince i started working there, i have been getting alot of water infection.

as a temporary staff, i am not given the set of keys to make me move from one part of the building to another. every part of the place has doors which are locked. if you're the secretary,and you need to photocopy some papers, you need to unlock your office to come out. once youre out, you need to shut it close and lock it with your keys. go to the end of the corridor to where the photocopier is, but in the middle of the corridor (between your office and the end of the hallway, there is another locked door, so on and so forth). you cant walk a few metres without having to unlock/lock doors.

so you can imagine how many doors we need to lock and unlock to get to the toilet to pass urine. and because i don't own a set of keys, someone has to come with me, to open and lock doors, walk to another part of the building, and lock/unlock doors again, and wait until i finish with my toilet business, and walk me down back again.

tiresome! and totally embarassing.

this made me think before drinking water (so i end up dehydrated) and i end up holding my wee until someone wants to go to the toilet. not good for someone who has diabetes.

thank goodness, i have won the hearts of the staff that they are happy to walk me through around 5 set of heavy doors, unlock and lock them, then wait for me while i pass water. oh! the joys. i know how it feels to be prisoner somewhat now. imagine not having control when to have a wee, or when to eat, or when to go out? its quite dehumanising.

-i hate closed claustrophobic work spaces. it has been a consideration eversince i started working, that i normally am better and more functional in places with access to big open windows with more light coming in. and guess what!

the health department office is quite small, and there are tiny windows. no wonder my migraine has been setting off every morning since i started in the prison service only because 'fluorescent' lights does that to me. it triggers migraine attacks. and boy do i suffer every day. no fail.

-the prison is hidden behind vast countryside, and you have to go through a walk of woods. the parking lot is quite a distance to walk to the big gates, where a guard meets you, then lets you go to another set of gates where another guard meets you, asks for your drivers license, writes your name,and asks to ring the department where you're going and asks someone to pick you up from the bottom of the building. that routine i know by heart now.

-the first few weeks when i first started working, i always walked quickly to the gate as i was scared if there was any escapee prisoner lurking around waiting to jump on me and asks me for my car keys to do a runner. now, i'm beginning to feel safe with my solitary walk.

***

a classmate of mine woke me up with a phonecall. we chatted about our present practice, AND they were worried why i erased all of them (16 classmates,and 11 schoolmates) on my FB.

i lied. i said, i'm keeping FB for family only now.

truly, i unfriended them in december because i didn't ask permission that i was going to be a week late from my placement because i was planning to overstay in cebu. i didnt want them to see photos of me happily enjoying the sun, while they were slugging themselves in the middle of winter being dedicated students. although my lecturer knew, i just felt it was too unsensitive of me, asking special consideration for a holiday while the rest aren't given he privilege.

plus, everytime they update their status' of how hardworking they are, i cannot update my status with glorious appreciation of blue waters and powdery sand. and the fear of tagged pictures of myself from my siblings looking worse for wear.

i didnt want the questions, and the reminders when i'm trying to unwind.

oh, and i think i got the second highest mark for my DVD/reflective work in december, so thank you to my lovely sister who taught me how to jazz up my DVD and my brother Roi, who was splendid actor in the DVD. (my lecturer commented: commendations to the actor who portrayed the role very well).

plus, thank you to myself, for the hardwork. *self hug*

rare, but it happens.

***

one day, i will post my video here. you'd find it funny and hopefully, informative about occupational therapy and adaptive equipment,LOL. x

i gotta ask consent from the main actor first.

its valentines day

2010-02-14T00:25:00.003Z

and i thought we were just watching dvd and a nice meal indoors.

its still very chilly outside so we are snuggled up in the front room watching a romantic dvd (oh the cheese, he has to put up with with me).

just when we paused the dvd for a tea break, he came back bearing flowers, a present and a (sweet) card.

and what does he get from me? an e card! a blog entry e-card,LOL..(well, there was the surprise homemade dinner (and the heart-shaped mashed potatoes,LOL, and the dvd.LOL).

tomorrow, we are off to london for a 'meal'...and a suroy-suroy...we dont do valentines, really, we dont.

its just one of those days, na timing lang.

well ok. we do.

for now, at least.

she's london-bound

2010-02-09T23:55:00.003Z

..and i cant wait..

***

my sister ana is coming to visit me (again).

this, after just having been here for a month last november, 2009.

she still has a few months left on her visa, i thought, might as well have her here.

i could use some inspirational company.

by the time she leaves, a few months on, my cousin Karla will be coming too (pending the visa application, because as from experience, visa for tourists can be very tricky).

im excited to have Ana here, because spring will be at its best by then, and flowers would start to blossom. and the sun will be out to play. it would at least be different to the gray skies they had when they were here in November.

that means, i will have a photography buddy with me and someone who could be my companion when adrian's busy with business.

im sure you can imagine my excitement from where you're reading this..

***

Mama has no time left on her visa because all the months that she was given was spent on waiting for Ana and Roi to receive theirs.

Roi, like Ana, still has a few months left, but is enrolled in a chef-ing course, so he wont be able to come.

Ana is the perfect visitor. By the time she goes back to Cebu in May, its enrollment for her university studies.

***

some funny moments i had with my sister..and she is my favourite.

she and her love for granny glasses

she and ruby were staying at the guest room in our house when i was in cebu in december. and her in her london clothes which she might need to dig up again..LOL

my barkadas from long way back still call her "baby ana" because she used to be so young when she used to come with us on our night-about-town..around 9 years old? LOL..i know, im a bad influence of an ate=)

and this is ruby(my cousin who is like my sister too)...my second high school graduate (soon)..she will be graduating in march

***

my siblings has such great news but that will be on the next entry..

always remember, prayers are always answered.

the auntie who clings to memories...desperately

2010-02-02T21:58:00.006Z

(my brother jojo, my sweet sister-in-law Mayel...and my favourite little person,Mika, with her tongue out,LOL..photo taken the night we arrived in cebu..sutukil dinnner)

***

goodness. i never knew i would be this attached to my niece.

every single day, her photos are such a pick-me-up after a tiring day at work (thank goodness i have hundreds in my drive stashed for sustenance,lol).

tonight, feeling emotional after a heavy day at work, adrian brought up the topic about mika and how she was such a good girl during our travels. i felt teary eyed. apart from i miss all of the people she lives with, i just miss kissing her chubby cheeks and hearing her squeal with delight.

i wish she's well and healthy, and being a good girl..

im sad i cant see her until 2011 when she's a 2 year old (bless her) by then, but i will be happy because i know she's well taken cared of by her mommy and daddy and her lola helen and her tito roi and tita ana.

***

apologies, im a first time auntie.

and yes, she is cute.

(i used to miss my other nieces/nephews,[children of my cousins] but they never stick around too long to be around me, so never found time to get to know them without their mommies and daddies..unlike Mika who has no choice but be with Adrian and i when we want to,LOL).

***

how about you? who are you missing right now?

his birthday in pictures

2010-01-31T22:57:00.004Z

thrusday night..28th of january

dinner at an oriental restaurant...with the bro and sis in law..(sorry, it was the waiter who took the photo)

indian restaurant this time ...friday night..

we love our indian food

group pic

and a karaoke party at tash's..saturday night..not part of his birthday celebration but it turned out that way, lol..

weather the weather

2010-01-31T19:02:00.004Z

this photo was taken by my brother in law Alan on December 18,2009, when we asked him to let the telephone company people to come inside the house to put up the new internet connection.

imagine our suprise when he emailed this to me and adrian and we opened the email in the middle of relaxing with family at a resort in cebu.

we laughed because the image of our house wasnt that before we left. looking at the photo, adrian's car drowned in snow, and our garden barely recognizable. my family who just visited us a few weeks before, also couldnt believe the photo.

alan went on to describe that the snow went even worse a few days after.

we couldnt feel it from where we were sitting.

something that far was hard to imagine. and now im back here, well, its a different story altogether.

***

this is simply a random post.

just something id like to share. you know, one of those things that you love to talk about, but may not have any relevance to anyone at all.

but to me,it means something to me. that that day that i received that photo, i realized how thankful i was and that there was nowhere i wanted to be than in that resort, with my love ones.

***

right now its not snowing anymore, but were still at 2 degrees/4 degrees celcius most days..

the greyness still hanging about, the wetness after rainfall still evident.

but the sun..its shining right now inside my house.

and boy, ain't it warm.

mika missing + birthday excitement

2010-01-27T23:35:00.004Z

*photo of myself and my cute niece Mika*

i really miss this babe..

i kept watching her video tucked nicely in my digicam. i have not downloaded it yet.

knowing my luck with computers, i just want it to be safe without getting it lost.

***

im supposed to be tucked in bed nicely right now, but not yet.

im secretly plotting my surprise to adrian tomorrow.

im also wrapping his presents (2 new books, which he wanted to buy for a long time but he couldnt be bothered to order).

ohhhh, i love birthdays..

especially those birthdays of people i love.

morning has broken

2010-01-26T19:03:00.005Z

(photo: a lovely cottage we passed by during our hiking jaunt

in August, 2009,

Dove Dale,Peak District)

***

you know that feeling that someone just whacked you in the head with something hard and blunt? painful?...but not too painful to kill your lights out? well, thats how i felt the day this happened.

after all the assurances of my love ones that the cousin in question was out of order, i'm beginning to feel my breathing is coming on its normal rhythm, less of the short hard gasps i was experiencing that very day.

i guess, anger does that to me. i presume, it does to everyone.

just when you get over the anger, there is sadness. sadness, that you get a reminder about family squabbles, resentment and general bad feeling, which you just started to get over from.

and even more sadness, that its not over. yet.

***

after talking to people i love, i am reassured that the outburst of that cousin was because he has been having a bad time lately. (works, and family related).

i will give him that.

i also warned them that if the cousin's mom would come and visit, they should avoid small talks and getting entrapped into a conversation that might lead being misinterpreted.

sad,isnt it? that it has come to this?

its not family anymore, if you start to be careful and be wary about what you say to them.

definitely, you should be yourself with your relatives, and be able to share freely and laugh, and joke around, but when one has to tread carefully, i dont know if that is a kind of relationship i want to keep at all.

the signs are there..

one should move on.

***

the husband is turning a year older this thursday (28th). we are off to enjoy a meal at a fine dining chinese restaurant with Mark (my stepson), and my inlaws Anne and Alan.

on Friday night, we are celebrating his birthday with friends Glenn and Cheryl at our favourite indian hangout.

oh the joys of food!

something that always make me smile.

something to definitely make me smile.

a day off for my man

2010-01-22T12:05:00.002Z

today i was told i shouldnt come in to the prison because theyre finishing off some requirements i need before i can do one-on-one client contact.

{UK prisons and hospitals are so particular with the safety of staff and inmates/patients}

so what am i to do?

go and grab the opportunity to go get something for Adrian, who is celebrating his birthday this week (28th).

here are some pics from the most generous man i know...

photos taken from the recent christmas fairies giftgiving at St.Johns community (december 2009)..

(PS: i still we all the fairies a report from the giftgiving...i will , promise!)

it will be difficult to get something for someone who is always so giving of himself to me and my family,and to all those i love.

for inspiration

2010-01-21T23:27:00.005Z

no use complaining, whining and asking heavens why certain bouts of mini 'bad luck' has been happening to me the last few days.

i am (still) so blessed.

my hiccups are nothing compared to our fellowmen in haiti, struck with the worst luck of all.

i thank you Lord.

***

how's this for inspiration?

my darling niece mika...melting my heart once again.

how's that for inspiration?

(a sure fire way to lift my spirits up)

***

just doing this blog,and posting a photo took me a loooong time.

poor laptop,has had enough of my abuse the last years.

new year, new challenge

2010-01-17T16:04:00.004Z

My placement educator,Louise, has been emailing me when i was in cebu. She was updating me on which placement i was getting for the new year that will help towards my hours of internship to complete my degree.

When i got the word from her that i was going to be assigned in a prison hall (a very popular one in the country) to do my placement, i was a little bit frazzled. One of the things i specifically asked them that im not keen to do, is a placement in prison (im scared of the aggressiveness of prison inmates. Adrian said i watched too many "Bad Girls" episode,LOL).

Succeeding emails with her, she said, that i was the one HIGHLY RECOMMENDED by our course director (our equivalent of DEAN) in the university,i felt, i needed to say 'yes'.

but truth be told, i am still nervous. flattered, but nervous.

when i got back to the UK, i spoke with my placement educator on the phone, and she said how 'all praises' the Dean was about me, and that when this placement came up to their list, the first name the dean said was my name.

I told Louise, that's very flattering, unless of course the Dean thinks i should be put in prison, i have all the reason to be highly honored.

Louise went on to explain that this placement is the hardest out of the roster this year. Apart from this placement is unique in its own sense, this placement is a ROLE EMERGING placement.

Louise said, the very reason F, the Dean, thought of me was because, a role emerging placement means the OT practiitioner has to make the OT model in the prison, and that I would have to evidence why there is a need for Occupational Therapy in the prison.

Dang.

If anything could make you sweat in the middle of winter, are words from people who will give you your grades and pressure you into something you find too daunting.

She ended our phone conversation by giving me a rundown of the responsibilities i needed to go through and a brief background of the prison.

One word: yaiks!

Tomorrow is the start of this new journey into 'knowing myself more' whether i could hack it.

You will know soon. I will be pouring my heart (and guts) in here, whether i'd love it or hate it.

Watch this space.

missing

2010-01-16T19:11:00.004Z

i am missing my love ones back home..

i just remembered all the good times weve had the past few months (including the months my family were here).

i have a treasureful of wonderful photos from the times we were together and i keep flipping through them.

Adrian and i were talking about how great it were to have them here too, with mama cooking all our favourite food.

Adrian and i couldnt wait until they come back here again.

now is the 'grace' period for me to save up for that dream.

here's a photo of Roi and Daisy (my friend's Cheryl's pet dog)in one of the parties we attended late 2009.

cute noh?...and the dog too..=) LOL

i just remembered...

2010-01-16T18:01:00.004Z

Picked up by my friend Eve, in her daughter's car one summer night to a girly outing, and i commented(whined) about how 'fat'/'oveweight' i was.

Claire, Eve's daughter (who is fabu-loptuous,in her own way), snapped back:
"Ragen, there's no use whining and complaining about it. Do something about it, instead of complaining".

I said, "but im too lazy".

"Stop complaining then. If you cant face up to the fact that you are a little over your desired weight, exercise, or diet. If you wont, then stop yapping about it!".

Well, Claire talks like that, blunt and honest, esp to us, her mom's closest.

She is right.

The very reason i stopped complaining that i am overweight, and 'heavy' since then (ok,save the occasional whining from time to time to my closest) was because of that conversation in her car...

I know why i am fat. There's no reason why i question the gods 'why?'.. It is not because i eat air for dinner. It is because i love my food, and i dont exercise much.

Period. =)

***

I mention how big i am in most conversations, or if there is a situation that calls for it, to save the other person having to describe me, painstakingly, looking for the most politically correct term for the word "fat".

I suppose, the point of this entry is, if you feel you are fat, then yes, diet, and exercise. If you're too lazy to do so (like me), shut your gob up and accept the reality that my dear, you are fat. and there's no two ways about it...

***

i humor myself most of the time, because i cant be angry at every single person who instinctively calls me such.

i have long given up my sensitivity of being called 'fat' or described as that.

and i think its time you do too.

sheep meat has high fat content...just like mine,LOL

serious

2010-01-16T04:13:00.005Z

yes, we are...

behind the scenes shots during the 2nd of january photoshoot...

it was all fun,fun,fun!

kuyaw na neh!

long vision

silky smooths

i was a mattress for the day...

chelo: "higda ta sa salog! "

aileen: "ay!! mahugaw ko, sakay lang ko sa imong back chel!"

mai: "higda nalang ta kang chelo..patong ta iya back,aileen first, then me.."

ana: "sige patong ko!"

chelo/ai/mai: "noooooo!!!"

***

we had fun...

all the sweating in the bus, the pleading with the "manong" by the junkyard to allow us to shoot inside the bus, bribing "manang" 150 pesos to let us get in the deserted derelict building, and Adrian queueing up Gaisano Tabunok at 9:00 waiting for it to open to buy the polka dotted brolly (i had no one else to ask,LOL)..all were worth it..

i cant wait for the next creative day...

blogspot,lately

2010-01-15T08:38:00.004Z

what gets my goat recently is this funny thing blogspot has been doing.

lately, there are some blogspot lay-outs that does not let me comment on their sites.

well, recently, it has not been funny anymore because youd think that it was just temporary, and that it was just on my sister's laptop(mine was still recuperating at the repair centre).

when i was holidaying in cebu, i was able to answer people's blogs via "anonymous". which means i could still comment. (i thought that was a way around the problem).

sadly no.

its been giving me problems again.

it is annoying because i get so excited reading people's entries, and although my comment may not mean that much, nor will it change what the entry means, but blogging, like any other means of communication media,is a conversation of sorts. sometimes, (or most often than not), entries deserve a comment.

but you sometimes wish, its as easy as clicking a button, type away, then voila! nuh oh.

i just wish, this will sort itself out. the sooner the better.

***

proofs. (see pictures)

so that my whining has some justification,LOL.

***

on aileen's page..

i comment..and this happens.

dang! the scroll down is a slim version of the normal ones, and does not give any option at all.

***

same with mai-mai's page

this morning's entry was something i wanted to comment on, but this happens.

frustrating.

ive tried, restarting the computer, and logging in and out, nada.

what's weird is there are times of the day that it will allow me to comment, but you just have to wait and see when it allows you to, as it is not the same times everyday.

i just wish, i have the luxury of time to do so.

***

am i the only one experiencing this?

if i am, there is really something special about me.LOL.

***

note:

i dont seem to have problems with lay-outs which allows "pop-up" comments...the "embed" comment seem to be a problem with me.

but then again, no need to change your lay-outs just because of my comments (or inability to do so)...the world doesnt end because i cant..LOL

there is something in the darkness

2010-01-13T07:17:00.005Z

there is something in the darkness that my mind seems to work more with it..

when i study for exams, and when i do projects and assignments, do research, i have to do it at such unholy hours that my husband (family) freaks out, im not getting enough sleep.

today, i woke up again, at 7am UK time.

Its still very dark outside, you'd think it was 10 oclock at night. the only resemblance to 7am is the fact that when you turn the tv on, breakfast shows start their hyperactive jingles and of course, that of the clocks insistence that it is definitely 7am.

so i turn the telly off, theres nothing to watch except stare into 42" of moving colour.

i turn my computer on, trawl on sites of my dear friends and family, checking (and hoping) they have posted something to feed my thirst for news and updates.

any updates.

anything would do me right now. a blog about their day, their angst about sinulog traffic, or a picture or two, anything would do. just for me to get that connection.

perhaps because, i am less homesick today.

in fact i am less homesick this homecoming, but i dwell on this longing to be with constant company of friends and family.

i dwell, and because it is my nature to hold on to distant pasts, and cling on to dead memories even if they are far from reviving.

there is something in the darkness that makes one remisnisce, pour emotions, and write things one should probably leave to themselves.

there is something in the darkness, that emotions are heightened, and sensitivities aroused, and cry.

i do.

***

perhaps in the darkness, our hearts see more clearly.

it is in the dark after all that we are left without noises and distractions.

isnt it in the dark that lovers consummate passion in wild abandon? isnt it in the dark that artists talk about their craft like its the new religion? isnt it at dark dingy clubs, that soul singers pour out their highest note for crowds to applause, or get imprisoned in dark solitary confinement to reflect on a grievous crime once committed?

to feel emotions, to ponder and to look back,at a heightened level, light has most often than not been on leave of absence.

definitely, the heart has night vision.

***

darkness befalls boracay...silhouette of boracay's grotto

back here

2010-01-12T07:50:00.005Z

my jetagged mind woke me up at 2:45am (UK time).

then at 3:50am.

then at 7am.

i could not resist it anymore. i stood up, drank a glass of tepid water and read the book im trying to finish.

perhaps, its about time too. the Philippines is after all 7 hours ahead of the UK so my body was pushing me to move as it still feels its at 2pm tropical heat to the 7am, darkness and chill reality i was in.

reading wasnt any success at all. i eventually relent to a blog entry.

i arrived only yesterday, monday, 11th of january, yet after reading my friends' blogs about our fun and adventure we had together,it felt like a different century has passed between here and then. the memories and laughter are still so remarkably fresh but when i try to remember the details of that day, i get some blurring on the edges.

my memory fails me sometimes (most of the time when it matters, and yet, remembers the most dire of things), and this is the very reason why i want to write.

because when i read things my friends have written, things spring up from nowhere and become triggers to a blurry vision of a not-so-distant past,making things fresher and more alive...and more painful.

aha!

there i said it. i avoid blogs, and reminiscing for now, lest i want to be reminded of the painful memory of leaving my love ones in that blasted airport.

but blogs are my saviours. and my pleasure. i crave and devour them like fillet steak to a hungry mind.

so i will, and i will write for my sake. and for my family's sake.

to continue where we have left.

there's about half a foot of snow outside, my husband sleeping peacefully at our bed, yet here i am, in my undress, writing to save my heart.

this is where the 'goodbyes' start to transcend into 'hello's'.

and 'until then's'.

a photo of myself and barely 4-month old baby niece Mika..who by the way, apart from the youngest addition to the family, is the main reason why homecoming this time for me, a beautiful and meaningful one..

last hurrah, last sleep in cebu (for now)

2010-01-09T18:40:00.006Z

its at an unholy hour in the morning yet im wide awake.

the only thing that makes this scenery im in less tragic is the absence of a bottle of alcohol and used cigarettes.

tragic.

i am tired, and sad, and already missing my home.

my bags are still unpacked, my mind bursting with emotions waiting to be written and memories needed putting into paper (or the net, in my case, these days,LOL).

today, i had a very full day. [wait! the last three and a half weeks, i had very full days, (none that includes sleeping in the list of activities), but i am not complaining.]

my stomach could say the same. my stay in cebu was a never-ending gastronomic adventure. and because my neurons seem to connect to my stomach lining's cells (avatar lingo,LOL), i have had so much adventure the past weeks.

tomorrow night, i leave with a heavy heart, not-so-heavy luggage, but memory chest full of treasures. and its bound to carry your faces in it.

***

last memories etched in my heart:

goodbye dinner at Grand Convention's buffet and coffee afters at Coffee Bean..

dinner with the family and close relatives
..missing tony and joan who had a (grand ) wedding at Imperial Palace. Sean was there to represent Joan..

my lola visiting from Butuan...with my aunties: Teresa and Josephine..my lola Anita and Mama

Coffee Bean, Adrian's choice of coffee

my adopted brother Rey took time to say goodbye to me...he's so sweet

showing our true selves

Christmas Thank YOU's...

2009-12-27T11:55:00.009Z

{Note: Apologies if some of the "thank you's" are late (from receipt of gifts). You were not forgotten nor deliberately unacknowledged, as most of you know, that being in the Philippines entail more than the 24 hours allocated by nature, and without any internet connection in my own house,and my iphone does not work with my globe sim/kay libre ra baya ni sa akong UK phone provider, so its obviously locked up with them/, i am left with no devices of commmunicating my thanks...

My globe phone too has NOT been able to send text until yesterday (26th of dec), thanks to karla, she deposited my phone to the powers that be at GLobe, and had it sorted out, so as of yesterday late afternoon, i could finally text.they said it was due to the roaming services not turned off yet..}

****

I received so many gifts from Santa Claus this year=)

I am so blessed that although with the love, care and friendship i get from these people, i am also spoilt with material gifts..

Thank you to:

First off. the supergirls:

-Therese, Ayen,Fil, and Lynette for the beautiful christmas cakes..I was in Plantation Bay when i received it. I gt to see the cake on christmas eve, and had 1 sinful cup. Kusina Habana makes delicious and pretty cakes, and they deliver too..Plus these ladies, theyre so far away yet they never let us feel forgotten. SO generous and beautiful souls...So inspirational.

-Kaith- for a beautiful handbag. It looked like the Ana Sui bag i wanted to covet in Hongkong airport, and that cute silk eyepatches. How beautiful and pretty just like the giver. Whenever i see the bag hung up in my closet, i smile coz it reminds me so much of you, you who dance with alot of fun and sways to Spice girl music to such gusto,LOL. Thank you Kaith.

-Patricia- for such a creative and beautiful bookmark. I so love it. The colours and the damask (regency opulance) design is so me. You know how i treasure creative presents such as that=)To be pregnant and still have the energy to delve in creative endeavours such as those, i really am impressed Patricia. as I have said before, and i will say it again, "youre so cool!!!".

-Mimi- for such a happy and colorful necklace. It was such a wonderful surprise from you..I did not expect anything because i know you are still hurting from your dad's passing. Its a testament t your generosity that even at a time that youre supposed to be thinking of yourself, you never fail to think of your friends. Thank you Mims.

-Aileen- for giving me such well thought of surprises. A book (that everyone is in line to borrow from me and begging me to finish it so they could start reading), and that luggage tag(so timely as mine went kaput in HK airport), and my SLR necklace. gosh, i am scared to wear it lest someone scratches it or it get caught on surfaces (which happiness to me alot).I already lined up numerous outfits that will max out the impact of that necklace as that deserves a conversation of its own.

-Mai-mai- for my beautiful scarf/shawl. Not alot know that my colour is green. It suits my skin colour and tones down my personality (LOL). Plus OT's wear green, all the time,haha. Thank you for the wonderful evening at your party. I apologize for being late. It was a case of meeting (new) relatives from Butuan and Surigao (as a surprise to me and Adrian), never thinking that I have commitments prior to that.

Have i forgotten anyone? If i had, my apologies. I am slightly worse for wear, what with parties every single night, and different meet-ups with people everyday (i am not complaining though). December is a beautiful time to visit the Philippines for family celebrations an all, but not a very good time for 'rest'.

Secondly: my family:

-Karla- for the beautiful earrings and trinkets. You are my accessories fairy godmother. And oh, that diamond peel you have promised me..LOL.

-Joan- a box of couture cakes..yum!!! where could i order that?

-Auntie Libeth- for the freshly picked papaya from your backyard..can we have more please?LOL.Adrian and i love it. Nothing beats fresh papayas like that.

-Mama and Ana- for the massage treat that we have yet to claim..you are the best

-Rey and Arvy- for that gorgeous box of Cupcake Theory chocolate cake. It literally is melt-in-the-mouth goodness. When Rey came in bearing that pink box, my heart leapt, as i knew that was meant for the diabetic-cake-monster me! LOL..Thanks bro and sis! =)

***

I i wish it were christmas everyday...

Not for the pressies i get, but for the love and laugher i get to share with all these people. That is worth more than gold buillons in my opinion.

Dear Supergirls

2009-12-17T19:11:00.003Z

I will call you when i get home.

Promise.

I will be getting my new number as soon as i land.

But first things first.

When are you free? (dates please, and whether lunch or dinner)

Please text my old number, when (dates) mo free for a super(girl) christmas party..

I was thinking, dinner at a nice resto (suggestions please) then karaoke session so we can do a nice evening of giftgiving and whatever else we can think of..

Please say "yes"...

Love,

Super Rage (LOL).

and PS: i have 20th dinner, as free and 23rd dinner as free...whatchatink?

Stranded

2009-12-17T18:15:00.004Z

I am writing from a hotel room in Hongkong.

Yes, ladies and gentlemen, I now belong to the statistics of people who have had the pleasure (mispleasure) of being bumped up to a different flight because the plane you were in did not make it in time for the connecting flight.

The plane from Heathrow, left at 2:45 pm instead of 11:3- due to snow and other issues with the runway.

We arrived in Hongkong this morning, at 9:30am, and obviously missed our 9:05 am flight to cebu.

Cathay Pacific already aranged accommodation for us at the Regal Hotel Airport (the name sounds tacky, but its not that bad...I could compare it to the Renaissance Hotel in Manila..Yummy Asian banquets,LOL) for an overnight stay until our flight tomorrow at 4:00pm.

Sleepless, stressed, hungry (i cant seem to build an appetite when im flying), Adrian and I battled wills to get over the sadness and depression of a flight delayed. The thought of family waiting for you at the airport, (plus the maaaany itineraries you have already arranged for the day), and food waiting to bedevoured (sutukil tradition every pick up-at-the-airport day), (plus the pleasure of meeting my niece Mika) were so near, yet impossibly far.

Adhering to a long term commitment to seeing things at the other spectrum, we decided to maximise our stay in HK.

So what to do?

-shower (to perk us up)

-sleep...

after a sumptious Asian buffet lunch (all meals provided for us by Cathay Pacific in the hotel), Adrian and i slumbered and woke up til 6PM.

-eat

another Asian/Japanese banquet at the hotel's restaurant for dinner

-shop,shop,shop

went to Mongkok (Ladies Night Market) for the night, and waaaahh, i tell you, i know who in my family would love a tour there (hear ye Karla, Ana and Mamsy)...pag save namo daan sa inyong HK dollars,LOL.

bought some gifts to bring to my love ones.

Not bad for being stranded,really. *convincing myself*

***

Adrian and i had the opportunity to fly business class via Cathay Pacific to Hongkong in AUgust 2008. It was because we fly Cathay Pacific everytime, we earned mileage points which accummulated to a roundtrip non refundable plane ticket.

The date of the ticket was August 4,2008, right after our 5th anniversary party, but we were sidetracked with how enjoyable cebu (verytime were there) and being with love ones is, we decided not to use our tickets.

Adrian and i laughed about it today, when we remember that. I asked him "did you regret not using those tickets".

"No regrets honey, no regrets".

Pa cute gyud ni's manoy oi.

***

Tomorrow, Adrian and i are planning to go to the city. Our flight isnt until 4 pm so we have the time to dawdle in the place. But we decided to leave Disneyland off the list. Its reserved for 2012 for a 'bangka' i promised to my family (God willing).

So really, all the stress, and almost teary-eyed me, was all for nothing.

I got to eat the seafood i was craving, i got to see HK, and i had the chance to sleep and relax.

The only thing i feel cheated about, is the fact that im spending less time with my family (1 day and a half less)and that i could not kiss Mika's face sooner.

Bantay lang gyud ugma bah! Pohon,pohon...

Please pray everything goes well tomorrow.

***

Photos from today...

the Japanese buffet from the international buffet..busog na naman!!!

it feels like Colon, all of a sudden...

starbucks...to wake me up..

there's a car on top of a taxi,LOL...cute photo at the airport tonight..

this Saturday, 19th of December

2009-12-16T01:10:00.004Z

...there will be a giftgiving day at St.John's in Banawa,Cebu City..

The Christmas fairies are sponsoring a family day/christmas party at St.John's Church in Banawa.

The monks from the congregation have organised 50 families from the mountain barangays and some children from around the area for a day of giftgiving and christmas carolling/party.

The Christmas Fairies(i.e..the Supergirls) will be giving in kind, to the families and children who are picked by the monks/priests who they help in their outreach programs in those areas.

***

What can you do?

-give any spare (food/clothes/toys) to the families on the day.
-go to St.Johns on the day and attend the days festivities
-no cash are accepted please as no one is able to give an accounting for the expenditures
-if you are unable to attend, ask any of your representatives to be there to hand the gifts themselves and see (and be with) the families for yourselves/themselves having a day of fun in the name of christmas

--due to the recession, alot of us are unable to have something extra, your presence is also very much appreciated..

time is very much valued by the congregation..

--all religions welcome=)

The day's activities :

09:30-10:30am-- a talk by one of the catechists to the families (not cmpulsory for the sponsors to attend)

10:30-12:00nn--- Mass

12:00-01:00pm-- Lunch (provided for)

01:00-02:00pm-- Daygon/Carolling/program prepared by the families

02:00pm-3:30pm-- Giftgiving

***

It would be nice to see you there..

For more information please contact:

Kharla - 0917 8887547

Ana- (032) 273 7512

Happy christmas everyone!!!

dear ana, mama, and roi...i miss you

2009-12-13T22:08:00.006Z

"so soon?",you might ask...

the house feels empty (and gosh, it feels big without us making chaos everyday in it).

your rooms empty and deserted.

the kitchen is lifeless, even adrian is sombre, and has lost his sene of humor (i hope its only temporary).

we treated ourselves to some shopping (in pretense of getting clothes for our christmas there) just so we could cheer ourselves up.

shopping felt less fun today, and adrian quipped, Lakeside will not be the same again ( i agreed silently).

we both talked over coffee and cakes (our usual comfort companions in times of melancholy), and chatted over flimsy topics and mustered up wry excitement for our impending flight.

but it doesnt take away that the month you stayed with us (or two months in your case Mams), were beautiful each and every second...and i mean that.

i cant wait for 2012.

love,

C and A

***

i know this letter sounds stupid and silly when im going to see you again (pohon) this Thursday but its always like that...we are better together than apart..

and Mams, i could not find the energy to cook for myself and Adrian tonight, so Adrian and i decided to just order in from the local take-away.

incomparable to eating dinners made by you.

i cant wait to see you again in Cebu.

love,

chelski..xx

***

the "little" sis with me..

the ever wacky Roi

Mama, myself and Ana..in one of the parties held at the house..

punching a hacker

2009-12-08T08:28:00.003Z

i hate hackers. i have been a victim of hacking long time ago, so i know how it feels.

this was the closest to me punching a hacker.

i opened an old email of mine (the one linked to my high school yahoo group), and found that my friend Therese's hacker left a message for me.

so i left a message back. i let him/her know, her game's up.

From BNWs

but really, if he/she was infront of me, he/she would be getting more than just a slap on the wrist.

***

on other news, i have been extremely busy. this is my most stressful week.

my family is leaving on sunday (13th) and this week is assignment handing-in week. to put those two together is crazy.

not to mention having guests who are here for only a period of time, meant having parties every week (at least). or being invited to parties in honor of them, apart from touring them around (during the days), and me slaving at the computer (at nights where were not partying or going out).

i also have been foolish to book myself for a photographic photoshop/printing course months ago, thinking that my family would have been here and gone for their planned July trip. but the July trip was never to become and became a November-December affair. i went to the course on Saturday (5th of december) for a whole day, when i/we didnt get home til 2 am from a party the night before that was done in honor for my Mama and sibs done by my close friends the Donns(Cheryl and Glenn).

upon arriving home,after the course, i went home to a full house, as we had Adrian's son Paul and his girlfriend with us for the night to celebrate a christmas meal for the next day (with Adrian's entire family). the next day Sunday (6th) was just as exhausting as we had to be up early and do a 10 kilo organic turkey for the christmas meal (and other christmassy traditional food that came with it: gammon, mince pies, pudding, etc)we were making.

that day was a christmas party for the family as Adrian and i were not celebrating christmas in England this year. So Adrian's sons and Adrian's siblings/my inlaws were around for that. My Mama, Ana and Roi, had their first English christmas lunch and how authentic can one have it but have it in England and sharing it with the new extended family.

That day ended really late, and most late esp for me because i was buying time to do my assignments too.

Needless to say, I am so looking forward to my (well deserved) vacation in Cebu with a big grin and no worries on my mind (please God).

You know what they say, whatever doesnt kill you, makes you stronger. If i survive essays and research with christmas parties all around, and family visiting, and still enjoy it, im sure, id be enjoying my vacation even more, sans assignment deadlines, and it will be me who's being given the tour.

*looking for my sunnies*

let me tell you

2009-12-01T08:50:00.005Z

...about Adrian.

about how thankful i am to him.

about how special he makes me feel, and my family too...

and even if he says "dont go talking mush about me on your blogs" i know he says that with a smile and a blush..

i need to write it here..because there are days he can be a pain in the bum too (lol), and i will just read this and remember that he is after all, a big soft bear...

-he wrote (and pestered) our MP-

to sort out Ana's and Roi's visa because of the sham that happened in the application (they, the people in the embassy in manila, wrongly thought that Ana and Roi were husband and wife..even with all the documents both provided to apply, birth certificate and all).

Adrian wrote quite an impressionable letter to our Member of parliament ( our version of Congressman/ who represents the people under the region they represent) and pointed out how unjust, that they turn down genuine tourists (by not reading the application properly).

-he arranged for my family to go to certain parts of the country/and at least 3x weekly London trips to maximise their stay.

he finds it amusing that my mother almost always refuses the trips we offer to London as she hates walking. (tsk,tsk,tsk..all that commuting in cabs and jeepneys Mams, does not help here..London is a 'walking' destination).

he came home one day,to find Roi, Ana,mom and i, huddled watching tv in the front room, and wondered why we didnt go to London as he planned. i told him the reason: they found it too cold that day. he laughed and could not believe we prefer 'staying in' than 'going out'. (well, between 'ice cold chill' and 'warm cozy home', we prefer the latter).

- the day my laptop died (after buying the 'plug-in' internet, after days of no internet), has made me so depressed. i shed a few tears, (it was panic about some albums of photos i left there, which i have not moved to my external harddrive yet *stupid me!*, and assignments looming without a laptop),too saddend about the death of my precious laptop.

at the dinner table with Mama, he mentioned casually, that i should not be too depressed about my laptop and said that "who knows, its time to get a Macbook"..

my mama laughed when she saw my worried look, because i didnt want Adrian to give up on my laptop. it was barely 3 years old. everything was tiptop shape, and i had retrievables on it. photos which i needed (badly). my laptop was in perfect condition (if i have not overcharged it 24 hours 7 days a week,and without turning off) it might have survived. the symptoms of overheating was there. i was just plain stubborn and careless.

-every morning,he doesnt want to wake me up for him to go to work. (for those who dont know, im on leave from work; so i could concentrate on touring guests and university work). i always wake up to prepare his stuff, but he tells me to go to bed. i occasionally take his advise but normally around 4 out of 5 times, i'd jump out from bed and take the opportunity to have a morning 'chat' over his breakfast and my coffee..

-he keeps telling my family how wonderful his life has been eversince we have been together..every single day.

-last night, everyone was watching this dancing program on tv where a woman wore a sexy dance outfit, and i blurted out ,"gosh, i want to be able to wear that...well, i am allowed to, but im sure, it wouldnt have that same effect".

everyone laughed but he hugged me and kissed my forehead "i wouldn't want to change a single thing about you".

and that my dears, made me feel, like i am the cat that got the cream...and the cherry on top.

..and that the excuse to diet tomorrow, is officially postponed indefinitely,lol.

whats happening lately

2009-11-29T23:49:00.008Z

i have been relegated to giving tours to family...

...at the same time, keeping the balance between university life and my 'old' life.

i wish i can keep up doing this, but i want to buy time..

my mind is torn between enjoying, and being a party pooper..

i have university responsibilities (which i am so worried that i have been slacking on a bit).

if i get through this semester, i wouldnt say it would be unscathed...

it would be on the wings of a prayer, and caffeine-overload.

***

i am an absentee friend on your blogs. but it doesnt mean i dont know what's going on.

i still read...

just a day or two late.

*kisses*

neglectful but not out of choice..

2009-11-25T23:27:00.007Z

i'm first to admit, i have not been very diligent leaving my comments on my girls' blogs recently, but its not because i have not tried. i did. but i have two powers against me.

1st off: time.

-gosh, i never knew i thought i'd show a longing face whenever someone mention's the word "sleep". time seems to be such a commodity with me these days.

for instance, tonight, i just came back from my brother in law's birthday party. the whole afternoon today was spent out with the family buying christmas present-shopping. the morning was spent organizing my university project,and going to the hospital to borrow some equipment for my 'movie'...(re: movie: is an assignment i have been working on the last few weeks..its a DVD presentation regarding a case study).

every single day,we are out of the house doing touristy stuff. the whole weekend was spent in Stonehenge and Bath. if its not that, its in London doing touristy rites of passages: ie: the London Eye, Tower of London, Madame Tussaud's, Kensington Palace,etc..

those above, and university days, not to mention working on my essays.

during the nights, im either working on a book for research, or having tete-a-tete with visiting family, if were not out and about somewhere.

and because of time constraints, i feel im so sleep deprived.

Second: blog templates

-i have said this again, some people's blogs have 'embed' comment..i cant comment on those formats for some reason..but i can on 'pop-up' comments. (paging Aileen...i suddenly cant comment on your blog, whereas i was able to, the other night *scratches balding crown*).

***

I never thought too that I would miss my laptop this much. its suddenly when now, using Ana's laptop made me realize i had a 'good one' which loved me unconditionally. it sat here for me for ages, but i mistook it for dutiful service of a relatively expensive laptop.

but all laptops go to heaven too.

mine is in the icu (intensive care unit) for laptops.

i promise to kiss it when it comes back. Adrian asked me whether i would like a new laptop for christmas, i felt a sudden pang of missing my old one. it was still in good condition (it was just 3 years old).

when it comes back from the repair centre, i promise to appreciate what it was for--an extension of my life.

***

here's a photo of me, just in case you forgot how i look like now.LOL...

( im at least 10 pounds more heavier than in that photo..that photo was taken on 15th of November..blame it on mama's cooking).

Dear Ana, thank you

2009-11-20T21:05:00.007Z

..thank you for fixing the settings on this site.

as you probably have noticed by now, i have never been astute when it comes to following instructions, or reconfiguring settings,or in any thing for that matter.

yes Ana, i know, 21 years with your Ate, you probably know that i am incompetent with alot of things.

but it does not matter,because you're here. and that i commend myself for.

thank you, for noticing that i was quite morose the last few nights, everytime i check my blogs. that you felt, how it is not to be able to reply or comment in blogs (at least you can feel it coming from another blogger's perspective).

once again, i say "thank you" for telling me, that all i needed to do, was change the comment section into "pop-up window" instead of "embed". thank you for explaining too, that embedding codes can sometimes get really funny when there's something wrong with the cookies.

speaking of cookies, did you like the ones i left for you?

isnt it great that apart from writing you this, i can also get to share those cookies with you.

thank you,Kai..i am so glad you're here.

love,
Ate

***

i am so happy...

its amazing how settings in my blog can actually make or break how my night turns out..

happy weekend all of you my lovelies...=)

***

note: i still cant post comments to blogspots which have 'embed' type comment settings...but i can on pop-up ones=)

craaaapella

2009-11-18T22:57:00.002Z

jiiizzz wiizzz, nothing irritates me more than not being able to comment on my own blog.

this blog, i can post new updates, i can post/approve comments, but i cannot comment or reply on the blogs (i love replying to comments, as you probably now have noticed, it does not matter if people do not comment, because really, we sometimes, dont have something to say to all posts we read, but when people comment on my posts, i just find it courtesy to reply back).

(weird, coz the other site,the pansies and lilac ambitions one, i could comment there..maybe, my computer curse strikes again,huhuhu).

this site does not pull out my name even if im logged on...

i wonder if i should log out, and comment..(hmmnn, will try that after this post).

i am really annoyed, but according to my friend, if the one you're getting annoyed at will not know that you're annoyed at them,no use keeling over dead because of it. i must agree, blogspot/my template/computer will never know, that im seething with frustration here..

bless the heavily battered keyboard.

***

*currently looking for ways to sort this problem out*

***

*currently also using my sister's laptop, and the new-household favourite plug-in mobile internet*

good news; not-so-good news

2009-11-15T18:22:00.005Z

the past few weeks have been crazy, for good and bad reasons:

i need to sort out my head, so i'm writing it all down. lest someone takes heart on me...=)

***

good news:

-my mama has been with us for more than a month now, and so far,she has been enjoying it.

-my sister and brother arrived here on friday the 13th. we had a big party on the night they arrived and invited the filipino friends ive met here so they could meet my mom. it was a successful evening, and it was enjoyable one too.

- since then, weve been out and about trying to let them enjoy their stay.

bad news:

- two weeks ago (on a saturday) the internet at home packed up. a week after, it came back.

on monday (the 9th of november), it packed up again, and rang our internet provider to send a technician. thursday, the technician turned up, but said, it wasnt our modem that's problematic, but THEIR signal. (after letting us wait for days for a technician to come to the house? they knew their signal was defective, why didnt they tell us on booking for a technician's visit?? *scratching my pahak*).

the worst of all,they are not that concerned to get the signal up and running as they know that their signal was defective around our area for weeks now, they still have not done anything about it. i asked them 'when do you think this will be sorted out?". "it depends..it could be days, or weeks"...if i answered the same answer when they ask for payment, i wonder how they would feel.

-so that very same night, i had to get an internet connection! (assignments research and adrian's work depend on the internet..not to mention my need to read/answer blogs), adrian and i (and mama) went to get an internet plug-in connection. excited, we went home thinking i could get on, and read blogs, i attached the plug-in to my laptop. guess what happened next: my laptop died!!! my laptop died!!! talk about bad timing.

-adrian's desktop does not enable wireless internet, so we could not use it either.

-on saturday, we were finally able to use the plug-in internet, using Ana's laptop. (thank goodness ,Ana brought a laptop).

-for some reason, i cannot comment on my own blogs. (this blog specifically). when i need to comment on some people's blogs, certain blogspots template will not pull out my name,thus making me unable to comment on blogs. it would not budge no matter what!!! talk about "grrrrr" moment.

***

so far, i'm waiting for the people who are trying to retrieve the data on my damaged laptop.

i am so annoyed, but i guess, fate balances it out..because im enjoying so much blessings, i guess, something has got to give.

id rather it my internet connection, and laptop gone kaput, than something else.

i miss you all.

*sorry no photos yet* this is Ana's new laptop, and she has not installed the photoshop on this laptop yet.

today, the 8th of november

2009-11-08T22:06:00.004Z

after hearing mass, (and feeling enlightened by such powerful words by a charismatic priest),we took mama to a lunch at a charming little resto in leigh-on-sea.

and a little browse and smooch in battlesbridge antiques centre.

i could say it was a little quiet and laidback sunday than we normally would, but there is a reason.

the reason, will reveal to you soon.

***

i wrote this on a piece of napkin for adrian to read while we were waiting for the bill.

to which he responded with a smile and a kiss.

***

last night (the 7th), this was devoured in honor for someone's birthday.

that someone i know is an ice cream lover.

so what better way to eat ice cream in the middle of a burgeoning winter, but to celebrate someone who is so loved.

vanilla ice cream on hot belgian waffle and chocolate sauce..=)

***

its amazing that christmas is just around the corner once again.

as most of my friends know, ill be celebrating it with my family in cebu (with Adrian).

i have so many moments being acted in my mind,moments of fun, food and conversations (catching up!) that comes along with the season's celebrations.

all moments with family and friends...and i know, most of it will come true (with prayers).

my life right now is a hazy whirlwind of activities and it just gets the best of me. i am ever so grateful, and i feel so blessed.

and i know you guys will agree with me that prayers do work.

Aileen

2009-11-07T01:27:00.004Z

***

well, what can i add, except, you are the epitome of a true blue artist to me..

you've got that midas touch, and anything you put your heart and mind into,

people just seem to swarm around you and want to be you.

keep that smile, and that hearty laughter, and that tenacity to chase where light and happiness springs.

most of all, keep that spirit.

a generous heart, eyes that tell stories from childhood, and

creativity thats just borne naturally from you.

happy birthday dearest Aileen--the one who not only chases light,

but also captures it.

x

PS: remember when that photo was taken? that was pre DSLR days for all of us (if im not mistaken)..but yet, you can tell we were so into photodocumenting our every move and meet-ups, a DSLR was in order...again,we have to thank you for paving that way. letting us believe photography wasnt an alien thing.

gosh, we will be having a repeat of photoshoots like this soon.

photoshoots, that arent contrived or posed, just normal, happy documentation of our get togethers..

a bunch of girls, bound by intellectual (and sometimes, corny/funny) conversations, laughter, food and YOU.

welcoming mama

2009-11-03T01:15:00.003Z

weve had a few guests come by the house to meet mama.

this set, was special, because they're family, and to mark that occasion, we made sure,we cook them filipino dishes.

we had adrian's brothers and sister-in-law for some good filipino grub and conversations about anything under the sun.

friday night, 30th of october,2009..

there were no photos after the meal..

i was practically begging for bed.

my body's system is (definitely) older than these group of people in these photos,LOL.

dear ana, we thought of you

2009-11-01T02:35:00.003Z

..today.

mama and i amused ourselves at Covent Garden , and did some antique browsing, , buying handcreams and colognes at l'occitane (christmas gifts,LOL),and just general sightseeing.

we had a snack at Ella's Cupcakes, and thought of you.

why the hell not? when the glittering Chocolate chip oreo cupcakes had glitters that reminded us of the baubles you put on your face whenever you feel bored.

mama recounted how since a little girl she always knew you were special.

i filled her in of anecdotes she missed when she was working,and i was your nanny.

lovely that.

it was a nice afternoon of the two of us at that table, but you were definitely there.

we are missing you badly.

Ella's at Covent Garden

the chocolate was mama's.
the oreo choc chip one--i had for you..see how much ate loves you? *wink.lol*

and also, thank you for keeping the fort intact and running smoothly.

you are the replacement "ate" for the meantime.

love,

your sister who will slay sugar demons for you...=) x

***

i also met this guy called richard bridge today at calumet.

apart from being a handsome young man, he is a talented photographer (check his website).

he gave me some helpful hints about the medium format camera im eyeing.

i gave him some helpful hints about Cebu.

will you tour him for me?

x

appreciating someone who's normally there, to be here

2009-10-30T00:30:00.004Z

i always knew that she'd be there for me.

i always knew that she'd be there when im in need.

but its really different when she's physically here (to be there for me).

***

today, mama, and i did our first 'tandem' invitation to our guests John and Bing.

and for all the times i invited people over to the house for a meal, today was the very first time, i was running late with food preps. i was relying too much on her time management, while she was relying on me to be the 'leader' of time-keeping for today's preps.

we had a laugh when we suddenly realized time was catching up and we were lagging behind.

but the guests were late, so we weren't that late at all.

because of all the excitement of lunch and the wonderful storytelling and laughter over the table, i wasn't able to take photos...

i didn't mind.

were having more soon the next few weeks,LOL.

***

photos of my mama, looking so lovestruck.

thats how she looks like watching videos of her 'apo' Mika.

its so nice to finally change my wallpaper.

it used to carry a photo of a mug that said "cebu".

now it carries a shot of mama and i...

photo taken on her second day here in the UK.

somebody needs to get back to the gym

2009-10-25T19:12:00.009Z

...already!

im not gonna lie. i cant see myself doing so the next few weeks.

not when my mama is here.

im not gonna say that im going to cut down on eating.

not when my mama is here.

but, i just need to say it aloud.

so that it rings even truer.

***

dah, kaon pa'g humba!

for mimi

2009-10-25T01:26:00.002+01:00

tonight, i keep wondering how mimi is.

its not just been too long ago that i have to endure the same ordeal of having to go home and see my father in a coffin. so i (somewhat) know how it feels.

i say somewhat because i think what she is going through right at this very moment is the harder ordeal as losing a love one through an accident is the worst of all.

nothing prepares us for death, not even illness. so to even lose someone in the most unprepared way is just so unfair and just unbearable.

i keep thinking about mimi. the scenarios that went through when she arrived at her hometown. how her mom is. how her siblings are coping.

because right now, in as much as i am so over the moon that my mother is with me, a part of me feels so sad for a friend.

i hope she feels safe and comforted being with her family.

i pray that she is coping, managing right now.

i pray for her and her family for 'the now'. because i know, they will come out of this family tragedy stronger, and closer than ever.

coming from someone who has been there,and got the awful tshirt of such experience.

and when she does, us her friends are here waiting.

little tidbits

2009-10-19T21:14:00.002+01:00

She has so far complained of feeling the cold...

Other than that, she is enjoying every minute of it. (so far)

Her, in pictures.

the day she arrived. after having some rest, i took her out for some groceries and some little sight seeing around the commercial complex.

had coffee and muffins at George.

you can see she's so tired

on Saturday, took her to London town

aboard the C2C

oh, nagyawyaw nasad,LOL.

Having snacks at Harrods

nag shopping ug pasalubong...=)

***

everyday, she laughs and could not believe herself being here.

everyday i pinch myself.

i am loved by God. because i have a chance to spoil her to bits..since the very start.=)

***
(Canon G10 photos)

Patricia Alix-Villa--the birthday girl

2009-10-14T00:12:00.003+01:00

(photo stolen from Patricia's collections)

***

Patricia, you are such a remarkable woman.

I'm so honoured that you consider me a friend.

I thank the internet because if not for it, you probably would not have looked my way and took me in as a friend when we were back home. (different circles and social strata,LOL..your pedigree is of a higher status than mine, thats for sure=).

You are a blessing, an inspiration, an always a wonderful friend for coffee (which means youre a good listener apart from a great conversationalist) amongst many things friends do.

You definitely are the epitome of fun and class combined in one. Someone i admire and idolize yet, i feel comfortable at the same time.

On your birthday, I thank the heavens, I got lucky.

Its not everyday i get to befriend someone like YOU in this lifetime.

from one libran to another: keep the equilibrium rockin!

***

PS> i thank tita Loy today for bringing you into this world too...

Happy birthday Roi...

2009-10-12T00:13:00.004+01:00

let me appreciate this brother of mine today, and recount his wonderful ways. a birthday greeting to my brother Roi..

-he tells the most awesome jokes.

-everyone in the family (relatives alike) has high respects for this man.

-he bakes the tastiest cheese muffins and inherited my mom's culinary skills. --and by next year, is planning to enrol in a proper chef university.

-he has my dad's temperament

-he has the best hospitality skills.

-never a dull moment with him. he makes the best punchlines. (not as good as mine,LOL).

-he loves children, and the neighborhood children loves him back. they all come a-knocking on the door to look for "Tito Aga" (which they thought was Roi's name,LOL).

-he loves our niece Mika, so much, he has an album in his ipod called "mika" which are all baby songs,LOL.

-he is so loving to his girlfriend Suzette,and very loyal too.

-a peacemaker, and would try to resort to bringing peace in all arguments.

-he has loads of friends.

-he is Jojo's (our other brother's) bestfriend.

-he loves his sisters so much.

-he looks like my twin.

he still has 'baby hands',we tease him about that still now,LOL..and he is our MR.Clean

just like my papa, you always see him in white tshirts (to my mama's consternation, kay gasto kaayo sa chlorox,LOL)

on his "normal" behaviour.

***

Roi, my baby bro, i love you for all of the above..and alot more...

i wish you so much in this life and for you to achieve your dreams and hopes...

and Bayoi, please be healthy always...God has big plans for you (an internship here in the UK, a restaurant, a wedding (filipiniana to noh?LOL), and my future nephews and nieces..and more)...

i feel it in my gut- youre soaring to great places because of your attitude and personality.

palangga kaayo tika. but you know that already..=)

always,

imong kaluha...(pweh!,LOL)

misnomer,non!

2009-10-11T16:26:00.003+01:00

in my conversation with my sister about my supergirlfriends, i called them by their supergirl names...

"aileen is Lightchaser, Mai-the earth Goddess or the Shutterfairy, therese- mommybizniz, (you follow now?), etc, so on and so forth"..

Ana asked "ikaw teh? whats your supergirl name?"

Me: "ambot, Ragen the Virgin seems so outdated" LOL

Ana said: "ahhh i know..."

Me: "unsa man?"

Ana: "the Hidden Flippax"... [in reference to my two blogspots: flippantpages and hiddenrage..]

(laughter)

hmmmnn, i sometimes wonder whether my family truly respect me as they should,LOL.

***

the truth is, its actually true, deep down, im as crazy as a psychaedilic colours that dont match...

***

moral of the story: next time i open a blog. i'll name it something nice,LOL.

reality sinks in

2009-10-11T15:26:00.005+01:00

i have come to realize: gosh, im actually just TWO WEEKS in cebu this december. the third week in spent on a holiday in another island with family.

take away the christmas holidays and new year celebrations (and the cousins and relatives tete-a-tete), im literally gasping for days to be in my fave island of sugbo. (that makes it literally 1 week of socializings).

i may have been too over zealous in promising people that i will see them..but too optimistic,maybe?

i need to segregate and allocate time.

i know there are some people, that come hail or water, no matter thunder and earthquake, i will not cancel, and i will be a their mercy because they are my constants (in real life or blog life, in happiness and in sadness, and in silliness or seriousness, they are there).

but maybe, this is also call time for me, to show those deserving of my time, attention and effort ,hehe..

because in my trying to be fair,i have been unfair to those who always have been there.

(its probably like being a mother, one cant keep giving recognition to all her twelve children when only one or two has done their part).

sigh, being a good friend, is easy....being a fair friend, is the hardest.

***

i wish i am a real supergirl...

*summoning wonder woman's powers*

***

and a Mika udate...

(Mika's photos taken by her dad's mobile)..

my little niece is growing big and strong *buyag*..

she is now 5 kilos plus..and to think she''s barely two months..apparently she drinks way too much milk,and does the usual baby business of sleeping the entire time.

everytime i see her photo, it just makes me happy. so happy in fact, that i know whatever life throws us, it will be okay.

now, if God didnt plan me to be a cool dudette of a mom..who said, i cant be the coolest kick-ass aunt there is?

*karate face*

the impending visit

2009-10-10T02:59:00.005+01:00

my Mama, August 2008 taken by the D200..

***

my mama is visiting me for two months.

she is expected to land at heathrow via british airways on wednesday morning. (another blog altogether..im still debating whether i'll go absent from uni that day, or take her with me to uni..adrian doesn't think i should leave my mom on her own because she'll feel lonely left on her own on her first day.. i agree, but i dont think i could miss the session that day as its the bulk of our thesis..what to do??).

needless to say, i am so excited and im so over the moon.

i want my mama to have the best time of her life. she deserves this vacation for the longest time..this was postponed 3x already. once with papa's birth certificate problem, then secondly when papa died, and last july when Ana and Roi's visa holdup..

[speaking of Ana and Roi---they have the option of coming this November for 5 weeks--due to their schedules, and or early next year, for two to three months..i'd know as soon as Ana finishes her finals]

i have some things lined up for my mama already. (the whole family in fact...) sights to see, plays to watch, activities to do...but i also am careful not to get carried away, because sometimes, fate does not let you forget that it has its own mind..no matter the careful planning and orchestrating of things to happen, if fate does not will it, it will not happen.

and certainly, with all the above in mind, i have some niggling worries in my head:

-will she enjoy england in autumn?

its dark and wet for most times of the day. you wake up to darkness, and the gray coloured skies.. if youre not used to it, will speak of sadness and melancholy. im glad, i have gotten used to it. i have now embraced the grayness with openness and calm, instead of my usual resistance. but it took me years to get adjusted.

-what will she do when im at work? at uni?

i have one month leave in november to be with her, but there is still the remaining days of october for her to be cooped up alone in the house for most weekdays. will she think of home most of the time? will she cry and feel abandoned?

-would she love our 'to do" list?

the usual touristy stuff (buckingham palace, kensington, museums, harrods,tower of london,etc)..and boy oh boy, the 'secret' unusual untouristy things ive set out for her. but will she enjoy tea, scones and english ceremonial teas,the markets we can trawl, the antiques on display at portobello market road, my 'suki' photoshop, the fish mongers at billingsgate and the malling dates i have penned.

-will she enjoy the food?

i have restaurants for her to try. i know im in for a treat because my mama will cook for me at least 3-4x a week, and the rest will be eating out. but will she feel elated to hear that we are eating out? would she rather stay in the comfort of home and eat what's familiar and usual?

-will she bear the cold?

i still struggle with the chill. i hope she will bear it effortlessly.

with all hopes, i pray she will enjoy the experience...and of course, that she will be safe on her flight, as shes travelling on her own.

one thing i will not doubt though, i know she will miss her one and only granddaughter Mika..

***

i cannot contain my excitement..im going to have my mama for myself, for a few weeks, (until Ana and Roi could get here), is something i look forward to.

my heart is dancing in happiness..

***

how is your heart lately my lovelies?

beauty

2009-10-08T12:29:00.004+01:00

being beautiful is how you feel.

i feel rotten most days. i know,maybe because the face that greets me (in the mirror) in the morning, is a face you would only encounter during nightmares and occasional horror movies.

but give me a few hours, id feel beautiful again. this is after a slather of cosmetics. (ive taken photos of myself, with and without make up, there is a marked difference,ok, so ayaw pakiglalis,LOL..*think: juiceko, unsa nalang gyud kaha kung wala'y make up noh?* exactly!hehe).

even when someone compliments me (out of politeness or whatever), i dont feel it.

its not about lack of confidence, its about reality .

and not being delusional.

i know where im good at, i know which areas i need to flaunt, and aha, beauty was never my strongest points.

but when i put on a nice outfit, a wonderful pair of shoes, a hint of jo malone's, and a dab of blusher, then id feel 'yup, my confidence goes up a notch'.

i dont have hang ups about my looks. it does not bother me because i dont need it for my job and most esp with the kind of friends i keep (theyd rather you're inteligent, talented and humanistic than be a dumbtwit dollface...=)

and in my family, youre beautiful if youre funny, so i always thought i was beautiful growing up. (only to realize that in the real world, beauty is a different definition).

in my teenage years,i was lucky enough to have found men(err boys) who found my personality 'sexy' and called me beautiful (in short, nakailad sad ko'g ubay-ubay).

in my thirties now,and married, and has no plans whatsover to beautify myself for 'boys' but for myself, i seem to have known what to do...my magic wand aka make up brushes, will remedy it, albeit temporarily.

so whats the problem you ask?

i do somehow get bothered, that sometimes, in the middle of the night, i go to the loo, and forget there's a mirror somewhere.

that mirror, when a hint of light grazes it, i sometimes, scare myself.

how pathetic is that?!

***

how about you, amaze (amuse) me,with your wits, tell me:

1) what makes you feel beautiful?..

2) what makes you feel 'not so beautiful' (for those who never felt this, skip number 2,LOL)

3)how do you see yourself now? beautywise?..(can i just say, you're all beautiful to me)...

im tagging: you: therese, chichi, aileen, maimai, jane,patricia, ankai,...and all those who want to tell me what their definition of beauty is about...xxx

therapeutic day at uni

2009-10-07T00:32:00.003+01:00

creative writing in the morning...

animal (dog) therapy in the afternoon...

**

tomorrow--- qualitative analysis of statistical datas...

great.

***

i cant believe it.

one week from today, my Mama is landing at heathrow (pohon).

and i will gain 10 lbs (at least) from there onwards.

xxx

that bday weekend

2009-10-05T21:40:00.003+01:00

*this is a late post*

too many things happened the last few days, and commitments were up to my neck, i didnt have time to upload these photos.

after a long nap, i am revved up to reading some more research before waking up early for university tomorrow.

but before then, let me share these photos.

***

Friday, 25th of September

me,the bday girl,and my king

expectant grandparents (as of taking this photo, they were anticipating a phone call regarding their daughter-in-law who was expecting on the 26th..she gave birth on the 28th)

i loved the place's ambience,quiet and subdued...il bertorelli italian restaurant

my starter...kingprawn sumthing,lol...the prawn was best paired with that sourdough bread

mushroom starter again for A

i could do with some of these now

Mark had penne pasta (marinara), and adrian had big slice of lasagna

Alan's dessert

peach melba for Anne

Adrian's lemon sorbet

mine...chocolate cheesecake

***

september 26

iwas craving for thai food since the start of september. i knew i wanted to eat in a thai resto for my birthday so i opted to wait.

this day, everyone made sure they didnt have a big lunch so they could make the most of our dining out,LOL.

in the end, we were so gutom, i didnt have the urge to take photos when we were eating.

can you imagine this was good for 3 persons only starter? but still, we ate all of it..this set was for me, adrian and glen

cheryl's and eve's starter(they didnt finish it, so we helped them,LOL)

the waitress,LOL

after dinner..having coffee

***

27th of september

regent's park, breast cancer research pink aerobics...

calming down...

the hubby, where i deposited him before the aerobics,LOL.

***

im 33 years old. and boy, do i feel like 66.=)

research mode

2009-10-05T02:38:00.005+01:00

i have been bitten by this research bug.

i started doing this university research at 5 pm.

had dinner, and watched a little tv.

resumed.

next thing i know its almost 3 am.

gaaahhh, and i still have work tomorrow (today!).

*yawn* another day started.

another sleep lost.

**

the cross i chose, is the cross i bear.

this university thing, i am enjoying it this year.

its hardly a cross. more like a little accessory..

(an accessory that sometimes gets in the way of fun---and sleep).

thank goodness for caffeine.

nice to finally meet you

2009-10-03T09:16:00.007+01:00

i am still in awe of the vicar's words during the service yesterday for hazel's funeral.

he talked about hazel and how she was during her younger years. the vicar made a point to talk to Graham (H's son) and John and asked what Hazel liked during her time to incorportate for his talk.

things i learned about H because of the vicar's beautiful sermon:

-she was born in England and moved to Australia when she was in her twenties.
-came back to england and travelled extensively.
-Hazel was a lover of arts..she paints during her spare hours.
-she was an active member of the conservatives political party.
-she was a happy mommy to Graham and spoilt him a bit too much.
-she was into flower arranging. (i can relate)
-she was into jazz music (this one too)

at the crematorium, the music for the service was a happy jazz music because that was what she liked.

i found it sad that i only knew Hazel at her funeral..how God did not make it possible for me to know her that much..

and yet, i still grieved for her..and for John who has lost a partner of many a decades.

***

what stuck to my mind was at the church, the vicars words resonated so much to me. it was as if he was directly talking to me..

it went something like this:

"today is the time to remember hazel for how she was in our life,and what we were in hers,no mater how little or insignificant it may seem...let us remember the fun and the sad times,or the ordinary times, we were together, no matter how fleeting... let us treasure that.that we had those moments with Hazel, no matter how short or ordinary it may have seemed...

today also is the time to be sorrowful that we have lost her to our maker, but let us not forget to look forward, and that we have hazel in our memories to cherish.

most importantly to be thankful..thank our Lord for the times, we have shared with Hazel and that she was able to share those precious experiences with us."

*i was imagining the last time i saw her, at hers and john's house, it was valentines day and i read to her john's card that he wrote for her..she was watching television and she could hardly talk but when i read to her the card, she was teary eyed and smiled at me..

i also remembered how i helped her to her wheelchair at the christmas/boxing day party held at Alan's house..she was in so much pain then and was muttering muffled sounds*

it made those fleeting moments seem magnanimous, and forever cemented in my brain now somehow..

***

when we were asked to bow down our heads to be thankful for those moments, i also said some thankful prayers for all those im grieving for.

peole who i grieve for every single day, and ache for at certain moments and celebrations of my life.

you hear me Paps?

**

thank you God, for showing me ways of unburdening this ghost i carry in my heart.

2 weddings, a birth and a funeral

2009-10-02T08:16:00.004+01:00

i can finally confirm, i have partially said "yes" to two weddings in february. (with the thought in mind that i have my university internships on that month).

the good thing about internships, once i come home, i dont need to think of doing work. its all about the internship, its all about university. no homeworks to think of too. its all about attending the internship,and being there physically and mentally.

no research, and essays. although the end of placement presentation is quite a BIG assignment--im normally good at presentations, so no worries there...

(this part of the entry is just a way of convincing myself that i did the right decision,hehe).

**

today is Hazel's, (my sister-in-law's) funeral.

i was busy the last few days as i was in-charge of flowers (to order) for the funeral.

i am sad.

i dont know hazel that much (compared to my other sister-in law- Anne) because when i met her, her condition was already at a progressed stage. she could not attend celebrations and family gatherings anymore as she was bed bound a year after we met.

but judging from her photos at hers and john's house,i got the feeling she was an adventurous and outgoing person. someone who enjoyed travelling and the finer things in life.

when i received a birthday card from john this year, it only said : from John...normally it would say from John and Hazel...i could not help but get teary-eyed because i felt sad for Adrian's brother who lost his partner in life. and i felt sad for Adrian who is sad for his brother.

i dont know what to expect today at the funeral. ive been to two funerals in this country, and they were totally different from the other (one was a celebration of his life, and the other was a hippie indie style remembrance day). but what i know is, they dont take photos in funerals like we do.

i cant imagine today. only that people will be in black.

year 2004..the last time i saw Hazel sat up...after this she was bedridden. she suffered from a mitochondrial condition.

***

Alan and Anne (my bro and sis in law--who we see all the time),their daughter in law Rosie and son Nic just had a baby girl on the 28th.

the baby girl is a welcome to the family.

all of Adrian;s family had only boys..Adrian and Alan dont have any sister either.

Nic and Rosie arent sure what to name their baby..theyre gearing towards Anya. i totally agree, i find Anya such a pretty name.

and i know by now, she'll be a very cute baby.

Rosie and her baby..(photo from Alan)..

**

life goes on..someone dies..another is born..

but it doesnt mean we should forget those who passed on.

wutz up?

2009-09-29T19:07:00.005+01:00

how are you my beloveds?

i know, i know, we all feel sad and crushed about what's happening in manila.

i feel bad too,because it happened on the day that i was (supposed to be) very happy. my birthday.

but really, it would be too vain and presumptious of me, to feel that the manila floods has anything at all to do with my birthday.

do you know, that the day it happened, i did hear about the flood, but DID NOT realize how bad it was. i dont have a filipino channel where i am (not that i have time to watch tv anyways).

the day it happened, i was also celebrating my niece's christening (whcih meant more, than my birthday).

so we celebrated, oblivious to the news and whatnots, considering, outside our cocoon of comfort (ergo, mama's home), we just thought it was "one of them rains".

it was only the next day, seeing the flood of info at facebook, i realized the devastation it has caused. (even BBC world news has not talked about it until sunday evening ).

so far, all friends and family from that part of luzon are safe and warm (weve prayed hard for that), but it does not erase the sadness and 'fear' i felt for the people i saw in people's accounts and photos.

***

so what did i do on my birthday?

my birthday was on saturday, 26th. nothing fancy happened. nothing extraordinary.

i suppose, i didnt feel like 33 is a big birthday celebration for me. (not that i have had any big bithday parties in my life---but if i live long enough to reach 40, i promise to give myself a big one,LOL)..

friday night, 25th,adrian and i went out with adrian's family to dinner at an italian restaurant. i was pasta craving for the entire week so it was a must visit,birthday or not.

saturday night, 26, adrian and i were with closest friends for a thai meal. the moment it hit september, i knew, i had to celebrate with thai food.

sunday,27th, my girlfriends and i celebrated our sunday at regent's park for a cause. we joined pink aerobics in aid of breast cancer research. a good day out for a good reason.

so yeah, that's a short summary of my birthday weekend.

(and i promise you, i wil not use the flooding in manila as an excuse why i didnt have a party--because its not the reason at all,LOL).

***

i thank the blogworld/internet for being my news update regarding the flooding. its faster and much more efficient.

apart from the fact that it gives me information on donation links, and drop centres, it also is such an inside account of what really went on. bloggers i have not known before, i am now discovering, due to this calamity.

people, from all walks of life, are affected by this calamity. whether profound, or a little, our concern for our kababayans are such that we do whatever it is that we can.

whether, cash, in kind, sympathy, or our homes (or a blog entry to alert kababayans from afar), that we offer, im sure, whatever little does help.

and i thank those who alerted me.

***

i promise to post the photos from my G10 as soon as i can breathe from my work (paid work and university work,lol).

i have been stealing time here and there to answer and read entries from friends that i feel i need to sit down and catch up.

i have to admit, i am stressed, but obviously, not as stressed as the man who just lost his house and family from the flood.

be safe my lovelies.

***

the pink aerobics event

a surprise

2009-09-24T23:19:00.006+01:00

in a day when you think nothing was working, and nothing was going right, something surprises you.

today, i woke up really late.

i was rushing.

i was in two minds whether id go off sick today from work because it seems i caught adrian's chest infection.

but i ploughed through. (thinking that i have all the time to be off when my mama comes here..yes, she has her ticket!!!).

i even had the audacity to post a short blog (Hey YOU), even if i was running late.

i was a little rundown, but quite giddy.

it must have been a sign that good news were coming my way.

inside the car, where i have my 'alone' time to do my morning prayers (prayer-on-the-run,lol) and 'chat' to my God, the sun that shone through the fields just made me feel like singing.

i sang a song, in lieu of prayers. a song to thank Him. (i sang the song "thank you" because it ws the first thing that came to my mind).

first time i ever did that. i normally breeze through my daily prayers like it was a recited memorized poem (and a little "chat" wih Him).

today was different and by afternoon,i knew why.

my sister Ana texted me to tell me their visas have been approved. the error by the embassy thinking that ROi and Ana were married has now been corrected and that their visas are ready for stamping, as soon as their passports are sent.

(i have resigned to the fact that Ana's and Roi's visas werent going to make it this year, but im proved wrong!)

i didnt know if i was to be happy, or to be irritated that i always have bad timing.

we already bought a ticket for Mama..and as everyone know, december tickets are soooo hard to come by, that it took me a long time to get her ticket that would fit into the time frame when we could pick her up from the airport.

which may mean, even harder for us to get tickets for the three of them to come together.

the problem now is getting a way of getting everyone on the same dates as Mama's ticket is nonrefundable.

worst case scenario: mama will be flying on a different airline, while ana and roi are on a different flight.

bahala na! as long as i got them here with me no matter how short.

***

i guess tomorrow, i need to sing even more "thank you's"...

how bout you? any surprises your way?

****

the moment i took this photo, i received a wonderful news that my niece Mika was born. we just scaled a small hill by then, looking for a country tea house. we crossed villages, and many a sheep-dung infested fields..thats my hiking shoes, and thats the view all the way to the next field.

one of our photo stops..can you see the view behind us, we had to climb that, to get to the town where we parked our cars.
on this stop, i was surprised too, because i didnt know i could scale heights that i did.

Hey You

2009-09-24T08:07:00.002+01:00

Yes you!

you that drop by this space.

you that read my silly thoughts.

you that creep quietly and silently.

or sometimes make a sound, a squeal, a whisper and a prayer for me.

yes, thats you!

thank you.

for hearing me out.

with gratitude,

me

my life today

2009-09-23T02:01:00.006+01:00

university...

-a short drama at the clinic to fix my bloodshot eye.

-birthday cakes (chocolate!)was shared all around in honor of my turning a year older (but i feel like i turned a century older these past few days). and a yoyo as a present...(i know, OTs are creatively weird,LOL).

yoyo-ing my way to get through the day

yumyum choco cake

thanks friends

after university...

-arrived home to a recuperating Adrian..(he has chest infection). he was off sick today to see our GP.

-had another telebabad session with mama,and details for her tickets (yeyy, shes coming!!!)

-talked about the upcoming christening of our little princess Mika (my niece). excited for the buffet she's preparing. whoaaahh, my mama has not cooked this much since papa died. it seems mama's got her groove back.

***

floristry class...

-indian summer handtied bouquet..alas! this is why i wanted to join a floristry class. to know how to do a handtied bouquet...yipeeee!!! i was sooo happy. (i dont need to attend subsequent classes afterwards, but Adrian insists i should,haha).

my indian summer mess,LOL

what a feeling, to give a bouquet you handtied yourself..and hubby receiving it.

although my bouquet didnt get the attention of the very beautiful teacher wanda, it got all the gush and attention from people at the restaurant we went to. they thought Adrian gave me them.

and if only they know that the knots on the stems were not as neatly done than it should (hinay hinayi ko,bag-o ra baya ko nakat-on,LOL. besides, doing knots in girl scouting wasnt one of my strongest points)...

***

dinner date with adrian afterwards at a cute bistro in Kensington called Cote'. its quite a popular bistro. yummy food for average london prices. (i promise to take some people there!).

the restaurant

the hubby who said he's feeling rested..and th signature COte water bottle

adrian's starter: mushroom and pastry

pork and duck terrine...loved the sourdough bread=)

happy wifey

eggs and steak...and the proud man with a very colourful bouquet of flowers

***

back home

- chatting at multiply..simultaneously to my two beloved cousins tony and joan. those two are priceless gifts to me. theyre just like my sisters and i love them like my very own sister..i miss them too.

-snuggling to a sleeping wheezing,chesty, Adrian. *luoy*

***

i have no class tomorrow (self-study day,yipee!).
just enough to send me smiling to dreamland.

how was your day lovelies?