she'll never know

i miss my nanay (my lola on my father's side).

even now,because of circumstances that lead to us not being considered as part of her family anymore (some of her daughters have deemed us outcast), id still miss her and her voice. everytime i hear her talk, she reminds me of my papa...

she will never know how much she is missed.

and she will never know.

that is why i pray and pray for her to still be healthy and happy, so that if time will come she will not be manipulated by her daugthers anymore, i'd be able to hug her. and be allowed to go see her without any unjust comments from some of her children.

i miss her so much. and i hope she is well.



photo: nanay and ana at ana's 18th party...photo not mine...

unmasked

recently,i have not been putting make up on. id be lying if i say because ive reformed, its just i have been lazy and could not be bothered.

in really busy times, priorities needed to be organized. a fluffier and bouncier hair,is more in order than a cakey face...esp if one has only 5 hair left hanging in their scalp.

missing

i missed you today
i looked up the skies
to look for you

but my head was too heavy
my eyes sore from the sun

there were puddles
forming beneath me
tears,from all the crying

i saw a reflection
in the water
of you
looking over me

and what a fool
you've always been there
and never left.

* * *

i missed my papa today. i was clearing up my little book cupboard and saw my grief diary where i wrote my day-to-day pain when papa died. i read it again, i cried some. but then i remembered how much pain he's had, and that relief that washed over me,when he finally went in peace free of pain.

i dont feel sad. i just miss him..

* * *

and i miss my family too, who i hold dearly close to me.
thank you for technology when i can call them all the time and catch up...

im so happy they have finally finished filing up their visa appplication...! yipee!!!=)if all plans carry out, they will be with me in july-august! =)

no thanks!

a certificate from the Anthony Nolan trust


* * *

adrian received a letter this month saying that they were thankful for his support and patronage to the Anthony Nolan trust after so many years (he was on the donor list since he was in his mid 30s), but at the same time, now that he is at a certain age, they can no longer accept his bone marrow donation. they also gave him the above certificate.


i have a feeling, a number of rejection letters will soon come pouring in because ha has a handful of organizations he has put himself on the list as donor. but since he reached this age, he mayno longer be qualified for the donor status.

i am amazed at people who give so much of themselves to humanity. some young and old alike are so generous of themselves. and i know alot of people who do apart from adrian, whom i have built close relationships through multiply and the net.

i have previously given blood, although on both occasions, i was told, my blood was rejected. it was only when i arrived in the UK that i learnt why. it was found in routine check-ups in the UK that i am thalassemic (a blood disorder; smaller rbcs). people who have blood disorders are not allowed to give blood or bone marrow.

im also on the registered organ donors list, but since i became a diabetic, everything is a wait-and-see regarding my organs---maybe because it may be me, who'll be needing organs in the future.

i asked adrian if he felt rejected from the letter, he said not the slightest.

its just a fact of life. when you give, you wait and see if they accept. because at the end of the day, there are always reasons for such rejections.

in this case, age matters.


* * *

problems arising:

-the price of lechon has gone up in cebu

-my nephew-in-law (here in the UK) lost his job (the company he worked for closed)

-health jobs are being cut too

-tuition fees are hiked up in cebu

-the wooden outdoor garden chair in our cebu house has a damaged leg.


good news:

-my afternoon was spent at the hospital library (researching! yipee!)

-my niece in law Rosie is giving birth on my birthday this year (alan and anne are future grannies)

-im going to be an auntie (i know i told you this already, but its such a happy news,haha).


any good or bad news your end?

possibilities

flower still from my langton park album..


in my next life i might:


-live in the playboy mansion...

-read the entire bible back to front

-learn hebrew

-be excellent in math

-be skinny


because i feel like im running out of time. *panting*

and also, maybe finish this bloody essay. im still stuck at possible therapeutic assessments and critiquing it.