there is something in the darkness

there is something in the darkness that my mind seems to work more with it..

when i study for exams, and when i do projects and assignments, do research, i have to do it at such unholy hours that my husband (family) freaks out, im not getting enough sleep.

today, i woke up again, at 7am UK time.

Its still very dark outside, you'd think it was 10 oclock at night. the only resemblance to 7am is the fact that when you turn the tv on, breakfast shows start their hyperactive jingles and of course, that of the clocks insistence that it is definitely 7am.

so i turn the telly off, theres nothing to watch except stare into 42" of moving colour.

i turn my computer on, trawl on sites of my dear friends and family, checking (and hoping) they have posted something to feed my thirst for news and updates.

any updates.

anything would do me right now. a blog about their day, their angst about sinulog traffic, or a picture or two, anything would do. just for me to get that connection.

perhaps because, i am less homesick today.

in fact i am less homesick this homecoming, but i dwell on this longing to be with constant company of friends and family.

i dwell, and because it is my nature to hold on to distant pasts, and cling on to dead memories even if they are far from reviving.

there is something in the darkness that makes one remisnisce, pour emotions, and write things one should probably leave to themselves.

there is something in the darkness, that emotions are heightened, and sensitivities aroused, and cry.

i do.


***

perhaps in the darkness, our hearts see more clearly.

it is in the dark after all that we are left without noises and distractions.

isnt it in the dark that lovers consummate passion in wild abandon? isnt it in the dark that artists talk about their craft like its the new religion? isnt it at dark dingy clubs, that soul singers pour out their highest note for crowds to applause, or get imprisoned in dark solitary confinement to reflect on a grievous crime once committed?

to feel emotions, to ponder and to look back,at a heightened level, light has most often than not been on leave of absence.

definitely, the heart has night vision.


***



darkness befalls boracay...silhouette of boracay's grotto

back here

my jetagged mind woke me up at 2:45am (UK time).

then at 3:50am.

then at 7am.

i could not resist it anymore. i stood up, drank a glass of tepid water and read the book im trying to finish.

perhaps, its about time too. the Philippines is after all 7 hours ahead of the UK so my body was pushing me to move as it still feels its at 2pm tropical heat to the 7am, darkness and chill reality i was in.


reading wasnt any success at all. i eventually relent to a blog entry.


i arrived only yesterday, monday, 11th of january, yet after reading my friends' blogs about our fun and adventure we had together,it felt like a different century has passed between here and then. the memories and laughter are still so remarkably fresh but when i try to remember the details of that day, i get some blurring on the edges.

my memory fails me sometimes (most of the time when it matters, and yet, remembers the most dire of things), and this is the very reason why i want to write.

because when i read things my friends have written, things spring up from nowhere and become triggers to a blurry vision of a not-so-distant past,making things fresher and more alive...and more painful.

aha!

there i said it. i avoid blogs, and reminiscing for now, lest i want to be reminded of the painful memory of leaving my love ones in that blasted airport.

but blogs are my saviours. and my pleasure. i crave and devour them like fillet steak to a hungry mind.

so i will, and i will write for my sake. and for my family's sake.

to continue where we have left.

there's about half a foot of snow outside, my husband sleeping peacefully at our bed, yet here i am, in my undress, writing to save my heart.

this is where the 'goodbyes' start to transcend into 'hello's'.

and 'until then's'.





a photo of myself and barely 4-month old baby niece Mika..who by the way, apart from the youngest addition to the family, is the main reason why homecoming this time for me, a beautiful and meaningful one..

last hurrah, last sleep in cebu (for now)

its at an unholy hour in the morning yet im wide awake.

the only thing that makes this scenery im in less tragic is the absence of a bottle of alcohol and used cigarettes.

tragic.

i am tired, and sad, and already missing my home.

my bags are still unpacked, my mind bursting with emotions waiting to be written and memories needed putting into paper (or the net, in my case, these days,LOL).


today, i had a very full day. [wait! the last three and a half weeks, i had very full days, (none that includes sleeping in the list of activities), but i am not complaining.]


my stomach could say the same. my stay in cebu was a never-ending gastronomic adventure. and because my neurons seem to connect to my stomach lining's cells (avatar lingo,LOL), i have had so much adventure the past weeks.


tomorrow night, i leave with a heavy heart, not-so-heavy luggage, but memory chest full of treasures. and its bound to carry your faces in it.



***


last memories etched in my heart:

goodbye dinner at Grand Convention's buffet and coffee afters at Coffee Bean..






dinner with the family and close relatives
..missing tony and joan who had a (grand ) wedding at Imperial Palace. Sean was there to represent Joan..





my lola visiting from Butuan...with my aunties: Teresa and Josephine..my lola Anita and Mama





Coffee Bean, Adrian's choice of coffee







my adopted brother Rey took time to say goodbye to me...he's so sweet







showing our true selves

Christmas Thank YOU's...

{Note: Apologies if some of the "thank you's" are late (from receipt of gifts). You were not forgotten nor deliberately unacknowledged, as most of you know, that being in the Philippines entail more than the 24 hours allocated by nature, and without any internet connection in my own house,and my iphone does not work with my globe sim/kay libre ra baya ni sa akong UK phone provider, so its obviously locked up with them/, i am left with no devices of commmunicating my thanks...

My globe phone too has NOT been able to send text until yesterday (26th of dec), thanks to karla, she deposited my phone to the powers that be at GLobe, and had it sorted out, so as of yesterday late afternoon, i could finally text.they said it was due to the roaming services not turned off yet..}



****


I received so many gifts from Santa Claus this year=)

I am so blessed that although with the love, care and friendship i get from these people, i am also spoilt with material gifts..

Thank you to:

First off. the supergirls:

-Therese, Ayen,Fil, and Lynette for the beautiful christmas cakes..I was in Plantation Bay when i received it. I gt to see the cake on christmas eve, and had 1 sinful cup. Kusina Habana makes delicious and pretty cakes, and they deliver too..Plus these ladies, theyre so far away yet they never let us feel forgotten. SO generous and beautiful souls...So inspirational.

-Kaith- for a beautiful handbag. It looked like the Ana Sui bag i wanted to covet in Hongkong airport, and that cute silk eyepatches. How beautiful and pretty just like the giver. Whenever i see the bag hung up in my closet, i smile coz it reminds me so much of you, you who dance with alot of fun and sways to Spice girl music to such gusto,LOL. Thank you Kaith.

-Patricia- for such a creative and beautiful bookmark. I so love it. The colours and the damask (regency opulance) design is so me. You know how i treasure creative presents such as that=)To be pregnant and still have the energy to delve in creative endeavours such as those, i really am impressed Patricia. as I have said before, and i will say it again, "youre so cool!!!".


-Mimi- for such a happy and colorful necklace. It was such a wonderful surprise from you..I did not expect anything because i know you are still hurting from your dad's passing. Its a testament t your generosity that even at a time that youre supposed to be thinking of yourself, you never fail to think of your friends. Thank you Mims.

-Aileen- for giving me such well thought of surprises. A book (that everyone is in line to borrow from me and begging me to finish it so they could start reading), and that luggage tag(so timely as mine went kaput in HK airport), and my SLR necklace. gosh, i am scared to wear it lest someone scratches it or it get caught on surfaces (which happiness to me alot).I already lined up numerous outfits that will max out the impact of that necklace as that deserves a conversation of its own.


-Mai-mai- for my beautiful scarf/shawl. Not alot know that my colour is green. It suits my skin colour and tones down my personality (LOL). Plus OT's wear green, all the time,haha. Thank you for the wonderful evening at your party. I apologize for being late. It was a case of meeting (new) relatives from Butuan and Surigao (as a surprise to me and Adrian), never thinking that I have commitments prior to that.


Have i forgotten anyone? If i had, my apologies. I am slightly worse for wear, what with parties every single night, and different meet-ups with people everyday (i am not complaining though). December is a beautiful time to visit the Philippines for family celebrations an all, but not a very good time for 'rest'.



Secondly: my family:

-Karla- for the beautiful earrings and trinkets. You are my accessories fairy godmother. And oh, that diamond peel you have promised me..LOL.

-Joan- a box of couture cakes..yum!!! where could i order that?

-Auntie Libeth- for the freshly picked papaya from your backyard..can we have more please?LOL.Adrian and i love it. Nothing beats fresh papayas like that.

-Mama and Ana- for the massage treat that we have yet to claim..you are the best


-Rey and Arvy- for that gorgeous box of Cupcake Theory chocolate cake. It literally is melt-in-the-mouth goodness. When Rey came in bearing that pink box, my heart leapt, as i knew that was meant for the diabetic-cake-monster me! LOL..Thanks bro and sis! =)



***

I i wish it were christmas everyday...

Not for the pressies i get, but for the love and laugher i get to share with all these people. That is worth more than gold buillons in my opinion.

Dear Supergirls

I will call you when i get home.

Promise.

I will be getting my new number as soon as i land.

But first things first.

When are you free? (dates please, and whether lunch or dinner)

Please text my old number, when (dates) mo free for a super(girl) christmas party..

I was thinking, dinner at a nice resto (suggestions please) then karaoke session so we can do a nice evening of giftgiving and whatever else we can think of..

Please say "yes"...


Love,

Super Rage (LOL).


and PS: i have 20th dinner, as free and 23rd dinner as free...whatchatink?