until here...

someone asked, was i relieved that i said my part?

there's no happiness in hurting someone you really care for, even if what you're telling them is your honest-straight-hearty-goodness emotions--because you're hurt.

so the answer is NO. i am not relieved. and i am not happy.

neither am i proud of what i did but there are things you had to do as a friend.

when you feel things might be a problem in the long run, then I'd rather be the one to tell them, than 'other' people. because i would feel that i have let other people down as a friend if someone pointed it out to them.


(really, i expect my friend to tell me if i got my knickers all knotted in the back in everyone's full view, and not wait for other people to tell me themself.)

but "where" i did it was wrong.

even if it was done in love and gently as possible, i still look like an ass.

in hindsight, i am to blame if i end up as "sheila-no-mates". i scared and yes, put off present friends of how 'overbearing' i can be with telling off friends. but i thought if i privately tell off someone, i could be accused of hurting a person, when in all truth, i was telling them off nicely. so i thought, what i can tell to one friend, i can tell everyone.

but then, we do things, thinking they were right.

no matter how the intention, it comes fall flat on your face if you do things, garishly and irrationally...things you hate in the first place.


***

but all is not lost.

the person more than redeemed themself for being humble and ever apologetic.

which in all honesty very sweet.

so there goes I feeling guilty for having done it in the first place.

and yes, feeling like an ass.

there's my piece of humble pie for you..


***

and why am i closing this blog? because i want to share soooo much but i feel a little bit self conscious.

i have just done social media suicide with my outpouring of hurts and emotions , theres also that thing called "accept the consequences of your actions".

so this is me, hanging on a piece of string, all voluptuous 86 kgs of me.

tongue hanging out and still feeling like an ass.

last hurrah, last sleep in cebu (for now)

its at an unholy hour in the morning yet im wide awake.

the only thing that makes this scenery im in less tragic is the absence of a bottle of alcohol and used cigarettes.

tragic.

i am tired, and sad, and already missing my home.

my bags are still unpacked, my mind bursting with emotions waiting to be written and memories needed putting into paper (or the net, in my case, these days,LOL).


today, i had a very full day. [wait! the last three and a half weeks, i had very full days, (none that includes sleeping in the list of activities), but i am not complaining.]


my stomach could say the same. my stay in cebu was a never-ending gastronomic adventure. and because my neurons seem to connect to my stomach lining's cells (avatar lingo,LOL), i have had so much adventure the past weeks.


tomorrow night, i leave with a heavy heart, not-so-heavy luggage, but memory chest full of treasures. and its bound to carry your faces in it.



***


last memories etched in my heart:

goodbye dinner at Grand Convention's buffet and coffee afters at Coffee Bean..






dinner with the family and close relatives
..missing tony and joan who had a (grand ) wedding at Imperial Palace. Sean was there to represent Joan..





my lola visiting from Butuan...with my aunties: Teresa and Josephine..my lola Anita and Mama





Coffee Bean, Adrian's choice of coffee







my adopted brother Rey took time to say goodbye to me...he's so sweet







showing our true selves

dear ana, mama, and roi...i miss you

"so soon?",you might ask...

the house feels empty (and gosh, it feels big without us making chaos everyday in it).

your rooms empty and deserted.

the kitchen is lifeless, even adrian is sombre, and has lost his sene of humor (i hope its only temporary).

we treated ourselves to some shopping (in pretense of getting clothes for our christmas there) just so we could cheer ourselves up.

shopping felt less fun today, and adrian quipped, Lakeside will not be the same again ( i agreed silently).

we both talked over coffee and cakes (our usual comfort companions in times of melancholy), and chatted over flimsy topics and mustered up wry excitement for our impending flight.


but it doesnt take away that the month you stayed with us (or two months in your case Mams), were beautiful each and every second...and i mean that.

i cant wait for 2012.


love,

C and A



***


i know this letter sounds stupid and silly when im going to see you again (pohon) this Thursday but its always like that...we are better together than apart..


and Mams, i could not find the energy to cook for myself and Adrian tonight, so Adrian and i decided to just order in from the local take-away.

incomparable to eating dinners made by you.


i cant wait to see you again in Cebu.

love,

chelski..xx



***





the "little" sis with me..






the ever wacky Roi






Mama, myself and Ana..in one of the parties held at the house..

essential time..realizing one's worth (or lack of it)

i am so old.

i feel old.


i cant handle too much at one time.

i get really frustrated and so out of control.


the last few days were a whirlwind.

back to being in uni, i want to stop and just go back to being a homebody and retreat home. i am tired thinking of all the crazy work i have to undergo. and it is real hardwork.

i got used to the summer holidays of no research and studying. now i feel my brain is kinakalawang.



i feel so old.


i cannot multitask. i thought i could, i knew i couldnt, but still i tried practising to multi-task but im put to shame.


i humbly admit defeat.


i am beat and exhausted.



***

september is a whirlwind of activities.


last night(11th of september) we celebrated natasha's birthday with a salsa party with a red and black theme.

every night this week i was doing something.i get home really late, and wake up really early.


the other night, i had to fix problems in cebu. sorting medical expenses for an accident, etc. no sleep annd cups of caffeine later, i was working, university, hobbies,etc.

all i want to do is crawl to bed and sleep for 24 hours.


mao ni gitawag nila, the mind is willing but the body is aching.

today im going crazy over housechores,and i havent even started going to people's blogs yets.


i cant keep this up.


i am not capable to do sooo many things at the same time, i humbly admit that.


sad but true.



**

now, im just relegated to prioritizing and time managing. it does suck to realize that you are a poor time organizer.

it hurts to the very core.

and having to give up blogging which i love for university work and life is so painful, but at the same time, character building, i guess.

sometimes, our quest for super-hood is futile.

i realise in the process, after a few cuts and bruises, i am just not cut out like the rest.

my star is made of plasticene and rubber combined, dull and just value less.



**

officially, this supergirl has handed in her resignation.

and now,shes back to just being a commoner. lost amongst the many faces of the unknowns.