what it is lately

Sadness overwhelms me. its quite weird because the sun is full in its shining glory from the moment you wake and up until 9pm, and i always associated my temporal sadness to this country's grey skies.

Can you imagine eating dinner when you feel like its lunch time still? the sun gives that impression. The sun has been very faithful lately and it gives you that sense of being awake, no matter how little sleep you've had the night before.

Ennui has come over me again, maybe, because i have been out of touch to alot of people dear to me, and my husband comes home to an already tired and depleted wife, while whatever energy left of him is out to tend to his garden which needs some TLC of water. The lack of rain is becoming evident, amidst adrian's blooming garden.


There is not much to do, and there is so little motivation to do it. (I was always known to be someone who cant deal with being on my own, thus maybe the demotivation). This is the cross to bear when you live far and away from people dear and close to you. The husband can only do so much with a wife who cannot be excited to do anything or motivated to be doing other than slumping infront of the television after a long day's work. Come weekend, im too exhausted to even think about socialising. Although my husband is a continuous source of joy and comfort, there is that space inside you that can only be fulfilled by family, by longtime friends, who know you inside out.


So please, bear with me the next few weeks, while i battle with my own demons. I know, sooner or later,(after some self reflection and some time with friends) my spirit would have nourished itself and it will come back in time to reclaim ME..deep down, no matter how i come across, or how i seem to be, i do care, and i am trying to be gentle with hearts close to me, no matter sometimes, taking care of mine, is put in the backdoor.


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some pictures from the front of the house..

im showing off Adrian's hardwork (im talking about the flowers being in full bloom as he has no talent in landscaping whatsoeveer,haha). He is amazing, as he is quite a busy man, yet he has so much time for his garden, for me and for the house. Where he gets his energy i dont know.

i sometimes, wish im like him. so gallantly confident, not clingy for attention and love, not overbearing, and so kind with words.

his back garden is in full bloom with fruit and vegetable produce, and even more flowers. I will take pictures of them when ive cleared out the rockery that he still have not finished, It just looks chaos right now.




one of the many pots he revived




the side of the house is a spurt of colour...these flowers are such beautiful decoration to an ageing house





some of his blooms..he has this profound love for his plants and flowers, and you can tell that the saying that "gardening is a relaxing hobby" is true, as it extends to Adrian's personality. He is chilled and so relaxed, i envy him. i am the exact opposite. i worry about everything. i lose sleep over the most trivial of things.



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just sharing all these..coz maybe, once i press the send button, i might feel the sun in my veins, and start reclaiming lost summer days fretting over the future which may not be mine to start with.