wistful

sometimes i find myself wistful and a little bit sad when i realise, im spending more time burrowed in books on my free time (when not working for my livelihood), instead of going out and enjoying the sun, and taking photographs.

and then when i realise that i'm already on the verge of my end goal, i stop being sad. i know, when i finish being too busy for photography, i will have ample time (and focus) to do exactly just that.

for the meantime, i sit, (read and work) and practise patience.

soon, i will reap my rewards.










**

how about you? are you holding out for something?

whatever it is, wait it out with me..we will soon be given our dues.



{photo: a tourist bus by somerset house from the jubilee bridge}

film fetish,incoherence and backblogs

i have two packs of these babies for my polaroid camera, and a fresh two 10 pc pack of fuji instax.

i want to use them, anticipating to do, yet, i have been holding back because im scared to waste them on useless scenery that doesnt warrant capturing (as i do on my digital slr's most of the time,*nyorknyork*)


i still have to scan alot of instants i took the day Ana was leaving for the Philippines, yet, i am bothered that my blog is neither here,there,everywhere,so inconsistent and yes, illogical.

which leads me to another point.

i envy those bloggers who are able to blog in consistent sequence with regards to their acitivites in time (Aileen, Mai,Lynette are you all reading this?).

i am not.

i still have photos from way back ancient 2008, then when my mom was here, and some photos from Ana's visit.

i worry, i will have dementia before i can get to blogging them down.

currently, i can blog about something that happened today, then post photos from way back 2007, or christmas 2009, then back to summer 2008.

it is indeed true, our blogs are a true reflection of ourselves: in my case: incoherent,oftentimes backwards, sometimes too forward, and never here.

oh well, tomorrow, i might post photos of yesterday, but then again, who knows? maybe adrian's pictures from way back 1960s.

honestly, i am as clueless as the lady who brings stale sandwhich packs to the hospital every lunch time.

weather the weather

this photo was taken by my brother in law Alan on December 18,2009, when we asked him to let the telephone company people to come inside the house to put up the new internet connection.

imagine our suprise when he emailed this to me and adrian and we opened the email in the middle of relaxing with family at a resort in cebu.

we laughed because the image of our house wasnt that before we left. looking at the photo, adrian's car drowned in snow, and our garden barely recognizable. my family who just visited us a few weeks before, also couldnt believe the photo.

alan went on to describe that the snow went even worse a few days after.

we couldnt feel it from where we were sitting.

something that far was hard to imagine. and now im back here, well, its a different story altogether.



***

this is simply a random post.

just something id like to share. you know, one of those things that you love to talk about, but may not have any relevance to anyone at all.

but to me,it means something to me. that that day that i received that photo, i realized how thankful i was and that there was nowhere i wanted to be than in that resort, with my love ones.


***

right now its not snowing anymore, but were still at 2 degrees/4 degrees celcius most days..

the greyness still hanging about, the wetness after rainfall still evident.

but the sun..its shining right now inside my house.

and boy, ain't it warm.

appreciating someone who's normally there, to be here

i always knew that she'd be there for me.

i always knew that she'd be there when im in need.

but its really different when she's physically here (to be there for me).


***

today, mama, and i did our first 'tandem' invitation to our guests John and Bing.

and for all the times i invited people over to the house for a meal, today was the very first time, i was running late with food preps. i was relying too much on her time management, while she was relying on me to be the 'leader' of time-keeping for today's preps.

we had a laugh when we suddenly realized time was catching up and we were lagging behind.

but the guests were late, so we weren't that late at all.


because of all the excitement of lunch and the wonderful storytelling and laughter over the table, i wasn't able to take photos...

i didn't mind.

were having more soon the next few weeks,LOL.



***

photos of my mama, looking so lovestruck.











thats how she looks like watching videos of her 'apo' Mika.



its so nice to finally change my wallpaper.

it used to carry a photo of a mug that said "cebu".

now it carries a shot of mama and i...





photo taken on her second day here in the UK.

beauty

being beautiful is how you feel.

i feel rotten most days. i know,maybe because the face that greets me (in the mirror) in the morning, is a face you would only encounter during nightmares and occasional horror movies.

but give me a few hours, id feel beautiful again. this is after a slather of cosmetics. (ive taken photos of myself, with and without make up, there is a marked difference,ok, so ayaw pakiglalis,LOL..*think: juiceko, unsa nalang gyud kaha kung wala'y make up noh?* exactly!hehe).

even when someone compliments me (out of politeness or whatever), i dont feel it.

its not about lack of confidence, its about reality .

and not being delusional.

i know where im good at, i know which areas i need to flaunt, and aha, beauty was never my strongest points.

but when i put on a nice outfit, a wonderful pair of shoes, a hint of jo malone's, and a dab of blusher, then id feel 'yup, my confidence goes up a notch'.

i dont have hang ups about my looks. it does not bother me because i dont need it for my job and most esp with the kind of friends i keep (theyd rather you're inteligent, talented and humanistic than be a dumbtwit dollface...=)

and in my family, youre beautiful if youre funny, so i always thought i was beautiful growing up. (only to realize that in the real world, beauty is a different definition).

in my teenage years,i was lucky enough to have found men(err boys) who found my personality 'sexy' and called me beautiful (in short, nakailad sad ko'g ubay-ubay).

in my thirties now,and married, and has no plans whatsover to beautify myself for 'boys' but for myself, i seem to have known what to do...my magic wand aka make up brushes, will remedy it, albeit temporarily.

so whats the problem you ask?

i do somehow get bothered, that sometimes, in the middle of the night, i go to the loo, and forget there's a mirror somewhere.

that mirror, when a hint of light grazes it, i sometimes, scare myself.

how pathetic is that?!


***


how about you, amaze (amuse) me,with your wits, tell me:


1) what makes you feel beautiful?..


2) what makes you feel 'not so beautiful' (for those who never felt this, skip number 2,LOL)


3)how do you see yourself now? beautywise?..(can i just say, you're all beautiful to me)...


im tagging: you: therese, chichi, aileen, maimai, jane,patricia, ankai,...and all those who want to tell me what their definition of beauty is about...xxx