she'll never know

i miss my nanay (my lola on my father's side).

even now,because of circumstances that lead to us not being considered as part of her family anymore (some of her daughters have deemed us outcast), id still miss her and her voice. everytime i hear her talk, she reminds me of my papa...

she will never know how much she is missed.

and she will never know.

that is why i pray and pray for her to still be healthy and happy, so that if time will come she will not be manipulated by her daugthers anymore, i'd be able to hug her. and be allowed to go see her without any unjust comments from some of her children.

i miss her so much. and i hope she is well.



photo: nanay and ana at ana's 18th party...photo not mine...

unmasked

recently,i have not been putting make up on. id be lying if i say because ive reformed, its just i have been lazy and could not be bothered.

in really busy times, priorities needed to be organized. a fluffier and bouncier hair,is more in order than a cakey face...esp if one has only 5 hair left hanging in their scalp.

missing

i missed you today
i looked up the skies
to look for you

but my head was too heavy
my eyes sore from the sun

there were puddles
forming beneath me
tears,from all the crying

i saw a reflection
in the water
of you
looking over me

and what a fool
you've always been there
and never left.

* * *

i missed my papa today. i was clearing up my little book cupboard and saw my grief diary where i wrote my day-to-day pain when papa died. i read it again, i cried some. but then i remembered how much pain he's had, and that relief that washed over me,when he finally went in peace free of pain.

i dont feel sad. i just miss him..

* * *

and i miss my family too, who i hold dearly close to me.
thank you for technology when i can call them all the time and catch up...

im so happy they have finally finished filing up their visa appplication...! yipee!!!=)if all plans carry out, they will be with me in july-august! =)

no thanks!

a certificate from the Anthony Nolan trust


* * *

adrian received a letter this month saying that they were thankful for his support and patronage to the Anthony Nolan trust after so many years (he was on the donor list since he was in his mid 30s), but at the same time, now that he is at a certain age, they can no longer accept his bone marrow donation. they also gave him the above certificate.


i have a feeling, a number of rejection letters will soon come pouring in because ha has a handful of organizations he has put himself on the list as donor. but since he reached this age, he mayno longer be qualified for the donor status.

i am amazed at people who give so much of themselves to humanity. some young and old alike are so generous of themselves. and i know alot of people who do apart from adrian, whom i have built close relationships through multiply and the net.

i have previously given blood, although on both occasions, i was told, my blood was rejected. it was only when i arrived in the UK that i learnt why. it was found in routine check-ups in the UK that i am thalassemic (a blood disorder; smaller rbcs). people who have blood disorders are not allowed to give blood or bone marrow.

im also on the registered organ donors list, but since i became a diabetic, everything is a wait-and-see regarding my organs---maybe because it may be me, who'll be needing organs in the future.

i asked adrian if he felt rejected from the letter, he said not the slightest.

its just a fact of life. when you give, you wait and see if they accept. because at the end of the day, there are always reasons for such rejections.

in this case, age matters.


* * *

problems arising:

-the price of lechon has gone up in cebu

-my nephew-in-law (here in the UK) lost his job (the company he worked for closed)

-health jobs are being cut too

-tuition fees are hiked up in cebu

-the wooden outdoor garden chair in our cebu house has a damaged leg.


good news:

-my afternoon was spent at the hospital library (researching! yipee!)

-my niece in law Rosie is giving birth on my birthday this year (alan and anne are future grannies)

-im going to be an auntie (i know i told you this already, but its such a happy news,haha).


any good or bad news your end?

possibilities

flower still from my langton park album..


in my next life i might:


-live in the playboy mansion...

-read the entire bible back to front

-learn hebrew

-be excellent in math

-be skinny


because i feel like im running out of time. *panting*

and also, maybe finish this bloody essay. im still stuck at possible therapeutic assessments and critiquing it.

university life, oh my university life

i am swamped. i need rest, i need a personal tutor.

english academic essays are such a pain in the arse.

i have to be perfectly referenced, punctuated, technical jargons in all sentences and grammatically on point. and none of which are my strengths.

if only they ask me to dance and sing infront of the entire class to get extra marks, i might just end up with distinction (for bravery).

for now, a pass will do. a pass will do.

be still my stressed heart.


* * *

i am stressed. but still happy.

although i need to beat the deadline 3 weeks earlier than intended (because i have obligations to attend to before then), i know this i will overcome.

if only i could get my face off blogspot and multiply, i will beat this deadline.

i will. i must.



* * *

leaving you with another daffodil photo, to ease nerves and place a little sunshine in your heart.

friday night

adrian was funny. everywhere in the mall this week was all about mothering sunday or mothers day as we know it.

they celebrate their mother's day well ahead the rest of the world. dont ask me why. i only know that they base it on the bible's mothering sunday.

we went to the mall,to get my cleansers (coz i ran out) from the cosmetics counter. opposite from where i was buying my stuff, was a counter of perfumes and make-up. adrian bought me a perfume he used to get me when we were still courting. and because there was a sale on, that if he bought more than a certain amount, id get a free bag and goodies, he also bought me a lipstick just so i could get the minimum amount.

he gave it to me as my mother's day present. any excuse to get me something.

he said, i always get him something for father's day, he should get me something for mother's day. now, who am i to complain?

plus he added, im the mother of his future children. didnt i say he is an optimist?

* * *

after getting the necessary stuff ,we decided to eat dinner at the restaurant.

both of us were in the mood for italian food.

off we went to bella italia.

again, we were sat near the glass window overlooking the lake. it was dark outside and very chilly.

we ordered the same things calamaris starter for me and linguini gamberi, while he had spaghetti and meatballs and we shared the big plate of bruschetta (our favourite).

the only different thing that was added to our menu this time was the fungi mascarpone (mushroom in mascarpone and cheese) which he devoured in no time.

that was our friday night date.


some photos taken from the resto while waiting for the food=)



decors


the bar


italian birra


display of spirits


the fungi mascarpone



a window shot


* * *

all photos from my Dee (D200) and f1.4

i have nothing to say

except, to wish you a happy wonderful weekend!!!...





--how has your weekend started?

treats for thy stressed self

this photo i dedicate to jane (bec. of her curly tops photo)...
cheez curls and curly tops..perfect combination...


* * *

slowly, im getting rid of my stressors.

1) the courtcase out of the way

2) nighttime commitments with girlfriends done

3) doctor visits checked

4) post holyweek break vacation planned

5) and two BIG essays-- underway...


...

i thank the heavens for treats that pleasure my tastebuds.


and for a husband that let me be. (stressed or chilled,lol).

we learn (a witness account)

*a cake made by the bride herself*


we learn so many things everyday.

i need to write this one down before i forget.

after being witness (together with some of my colleaues) to a sensational malpractice case against an ex-colleague, i have learnt;

1) we are reduced to nothingness if we have not been able to deliver what we are contracted to do.

it holds true to life. one can be called a mother, a sister a friend, but if one has not acted in the manner, one's title is just a hollow description. in the case of the colleague, expectations from his title were not delivered, so titles mean nothing.

2) what is important is the truth and nothing but.

i was nervous as hell, and i knew my memory sometimes is wavering. but after doing my part, i knew hands down, that i have said the truth and whatever the outcome is, i can look people in the eye and say it again. in our life, intentions should be as truthful and meant to uphold love, friendship, and fairness. if ones effort is for others to bemaligned, or to be demeaning,the guilt is on them and not on you.


3) the bad things count

no matter how qualified, nor highly skilled you can be, the negative things that your customer/patients say of you, they are the ones that count.

in the business of life, customer service is priority.


4) we all go back to God

before the session started, i had to take an oath on a bible. and every other witness had to do the same over their preferred medium of oath, either the Koran or something else.

God is the neutralising factor. after all, He is the final judge.


- - -

when people start to question your value...do not take offense. listen intently, calm yourself, look and listen where the questioning voice come from.

it might be a question they were meaning to ask themselves from the very beginning.
it may come from a hollow, pitiful place, voicing out their very own inadequacies.

not yours.

definitely not yours.

happy new hair

same old style..brand new attitude=) (kuno!lol)




forgive the thinning top...dili ko mubo ug dila, but still, its thinning,bwahaha...




mirror self portrait nasad!




the primo divo which could rival's mariah carey's and jlo's diva and prima donna attitude..



* * *

photos done by my Dee /D200(my first baby, with the 50mm f1.4 )

today

sunday--15th of march

* * *

adrian and i went banking today. the allied bank in london is conveniently open on weekends for working people like me who send money home.

with the advent of internet banking (all of mine and adrian's are done on internet)we do this differently..

the money we send home are done over the counter because if we do internet banking, there are some currency fluctuations which affect what we send home,usahay mag minaro ang bangko..

*if the money we send online is expected to arrive 3 days after (which is standard number of days) at (example) 90 pesos to a pound, they register it as if it arrived on the second day, which could be 88.50 to a pound...this doesnt sound much but if you're sending more than 500 pounds or more, sakit sa dughan ang difference).*


* * *
normally it only takes us 45 to 50 minutes (door to door) for us to get to the bank, today, we were stuck in motorway traffic. there were 3 incidences on the road today which held us up.

there was major roadworks and a motorbike accident on the A13, and Trafalgar square and a big part of London was closed due to St. Patrick's parade.

Adrian's cool and placid demeanor was lost during the entire journey...there was even a point he suggested that i'd keep on driving awhile he walks the last remaining 3 km to the bank (we have been sat there for almost 35 minutes)..can you imagine the argument that ensued? i was flabbergasted that he would run to the bank and leave me in crazy traffic.

we left the house at 10:50am. we got to the bank at 1:56pm (the clock on the car), and thank goodness, the bank manager was smoking outside, and saw me running to the bank and lead me inside. waahhh, the stress!



* * *

after banking, we ate at the mexican resto that i have been craving since the last time i was there.




thank goodness, i was wearing my supergirl necklace, we made it to the bank!!



ako...with my new hair..




went grocery shopping for the week's food




went to get my monthly dose of filipino faves...


stress gone completely!


* * *

anything stressed you today?

yesterday

it was funny. i almost missed my hair appointment.

if not for jane's entry that she had a haircut, it immediately reminded me that i was due to have mine that very day. (thanks jin!).

(this is the problem of hair appointments done three weeks beforehand).

so off i went to have my hair chopped off the normal way i have it.

just to add volume and body to it and make my hair look thicker than it is.

making sure it shaped my face too.

* * *

when i got to the salon, i was told i was having my hair done "upstairs".

see, for the years that ive been with this hair salon, ive never been "upstairs".

the salon is never filled up enough at times ive booked myself which is late afternoon/evening on a weekday.

on a saturday, there were no available seat on site (which i hate).

this was an unusually early for hair obsessed brits, to have their hair done, 11am on a saturday, so i had the pleasure of being myself, and took the opportunity to grab my gigi to take photos of the place.




the complimentary drink (they normally ask whether you wanted water, iced tea, hot tea, english tea,hot choclit, cappucino,etc)...
..i only asked for water this time..but loving the bouchard chocolates they put on the plate...




the upstairs...this is my first time being up...
im normally on groundfloor=)




the spiral staircase




shampoo counter




can you tell, i just woke up?




me and my shoes


mags,mags,mags kept me busy


* * *

the best thing about my salon, they would always offer, free hand massage and a lady with a basket of newly baked chocolate biscuits and offer to everyone a piece or two.

* * *

if on my next hair appointment, id be lucky enough to go upstairs and be on my own, i'll also take a photo of my "suki" and very pretty hairstylist nicole.=)

i will be in court on tuesday

...as a witness.

its a nervewracking and scary thought
and there's that hint of excitement to it too.

its a case against one of my colleagues who has been slapped with malpractice suit by our department.

it started on a small case, he was reprimanded slowly,and privately, but no advice nor supervising could get him to accept his poor practice. he was very arrogant, and refused to apologise to the people concerned and refused to be worked in constant supervision (albeit temporarily until he is safe to be on his own again).

he thought he was already too big to be told off.

he thought he was above the rest of the staff and came in late, and did shortcuts with his treatment. this when he was treating people in hospital.

its really sad. he wasnt actually a bad person.

only, he got too big for his shoes.


* * *

everyone has a past
some sweeter than others,
and some tainted with
colour.
and is heavy on the senses.

shootings

today a number of teachers and students died in the hands of a gunman (a young student) at a school in germany.

i feel sorry for the families of the innocents that died.

how can it come to that point? at what point does it become obvious that people need help, and the cries for help turn into a shooting rampage?

Adrian being a lecturer makes me worry. thank goodness, guns are'nt legal in the UK. it wont eliminate the chances of ill people go on a rampage, but it will surely decrease the chances.

the harder it is to get your hands on a gun, the better it is.

im glad the police here just has a batuta/truncheon and a stun-gun (its an electric buzz device to paralyze would-be attackers).


* * *

i remember my childhood playing with waterguns with my brothers.

* * *

driving by london, colourful places like these always always catch my attention...




yummy colours

(liverpool skyline)


this post really has no point at all. heck! even the photo has no relevance at all.

just random updates about myself on my ordinary life.

so brace yourself to be bored.


* * *

on the 6'oclock news tonight:

-some islands will be endangered because of the faster pace of melting of the polar ice caps. as of the moment, water levels rise to 3mm a year, but its expected to go up higher than that now.

whats going to happen to coastal areas? whats going to happen to beautiful islands?

whats happening to their inhabitants?

uh oh, swimming lessons anyone?


-julia roberts says she combines motherhood and hollywood singlehandedly.

im not sure julia is really telling the hundred percent truth there.

i can hardly do everything myself (clean,cook and wifely duties) when i dont have children and i dont do hollywood working hours. and i even sleep short hours!

but then, maybe she has better time management than myself.

maybe she doesnt sleep.

at all.

(she's still very beautiful though...walang kakupas-kupas.. )


* * *

i opened my purefoods tender juicy hotdog packet today, and had it for a snack. yumm!!!

havent had one in a long time, and when i am homesick, i crave for filipino foods. (i have a freezer full of filipino stuff just for these moments, lol!)

i love it when Filipino stores have real Filipino stuff.

(not Chinese/Japanese/Korean equivalents) ...

* * *

speaking of homesickness:

helping organize my brother's wedding doesnt help. it makes me miss cebu and my family.

i miss my papa sooo badly.

he was always a source of silent strength for me.


* * *

Julia Roberts; on the comment that no one in hollywood can rival the multiple box office success she's ever had:

"you cant dwell on that too much...because if you do, it will fuel some sort of narcissistic emotion (pause..and smiles) that is so much pushed in our industry...besides its not tolerated at my household".

sweet, noh?

friday night celebration for kelly and janice; and anne!

gigi --(my canon g10/real name: Ginet Govinda)...helped me document the event on friday night (6th of march)..
it was a night to celebrate kelly and janice's new jobs...
and to give moral support for anne's belly dancing recital...





hungry people



kelly wants a group pic


me, kelly and lisa



the food was taking so long...
we were worried we would be late for anne's recital



method actress lisa




the starter plate



crispy duck pancake



main meal...food,food,food


and more food


at rochford's hall...bely dancing galore


gosh, the bellies



recital for the students...


* * *

i promised myself to stay at home next friday night..
im missing my friday night cuddles with Ades infront of the tv.

desperation

really, to beg and plead and ask to be remembered deafeats the purpose.

after all, being texted, remembered and asked 'how are you?" is not only mere conversation, its also a manifestation that someone really cares to know how you are.

one should stop begging to be loved..

its not good for the self esteem and wellbeing.

my day *yawn*

there are stumbling blocks that stop me from blogging and writing. (not that i was a profilic writer, no). certainly, there is not much motivation to write recently.

as kaith has mentioned in her blog, its el nino/drought of topics to write, and definitely i am on that period too.

in my case, i have been living a mudane life of a person who goes through her monotonous routine--day to day to day.

work-university-home , all have been rigid and unexciting (save for that evening of laughter with friends on friday and a new love for a new restaurant ades and i discovered).

but today, there is a little update that i need to write down. maybe, this is because i want this as evidence in the future that i wasnt dreaming it nor was i hallucinating by the staircase at the campus.

Sue, our placement lecturer (the lady incharge of putting us up for our internship) has secretly let me in on a secret to where i was heading next. we arent suppposed to know until two weeks before the placement starts (11th of May).

i am giddy because i am being put at the paediatric therapy team, woohoo!!! *dance*

i cannot wait until then.

for the meantime, i'll be contented to be at uni and see lecturers who have the love of hearing their own voices. and see classmates who are such nerds that its cool,haha.

* * *

i wish i can put you in my pocket and see me go through my day. then you'd know why im like myself.

a mad woman, hyped up with caffeine, (and other legal substance allowed to an animal), whiny at most times, but at best, just happy being at home multi-tasking between playing martha stewart, teacher betty, and a voyeur--reading people's lives through glimpses of their days (whether through photographs, or from anecdotes).

so i went to an ann summer's party, so sue me!

tash invited me to an ann summer's party at her house on friday (27th of feb).

so off i went with all eagerness like a child invited to alice in wonderland's madhatter's party.

its like a tupperware party but instead of tupperwares, its sex toys,gadgets, and kinky apparatus and specialty clothing.

gosh, i have never seen vibrators of all shapes, colours and sizes and with animal names like the dolphin, the rabbit and something cosmic: the aquarius, and to the plain distasteful, the clit-stick. (haha).

the night started out with a game of spilling out bedroom secrets by saying "yes" or "no" to certain questions. anyone who says "yes"moves to the next chair, and if its a "no" stays to the chair. anyone who ends up back again to their own chair, ends a prize from the sales rep.

we were given catalogues of the different gadgets and sexy wear lingerie. the sales rep, Claire, also expained all the different vibrators and the differences of each from the other. we got to try it too! (but not in the way you think,haha). the gadgets were passed around, and we were able to touch and fiddle with its buttons and gauge the different vibrations. (gosh! would you believe there are so many types of vibrations too).

there was a raffle (i did not win anything), and there was a "try me" section of different kinky outfits.

atlhough i joined in the raffle and the games,but i opted not to try the clothes, as i was more interested in the kitchen where Tash put a beautiful spread of finger foods.

in the end, the sales rep came home with everyone buying something out from her wares, also, people were still high from laughter out of such a unique evening.

it was a first definitely for me.



the kinky musical games part...some people moved chairs, some havent,haha!



Claire (the sales rep) explaining one of the many gadgets




one of the many vibrators passed around...trying the vibration,haha
and no i didnt order one,haha...



lisa and i...




the sale box..50 percent off



tash, trying out the kinky costumes




this time, the maid oufit


on arrival home


* * *

if i set up an ann summer's party, will you come?