i miss little miss ana

i just miss my funny, free-spirited and talented one and only sister.

i could use some of her energy in the house right now.


***

adrian and i loved it when she was here.

she just fitted in, like she lived here for ages. in the country, and in our home.

i cant wait to have her again in 2012.

by then, id be energised to do alot of the beautiful things i was surrounded by when she was here: make-up, photography, theatre, dressing-up, museum trawling, bookstore hopping, stationary smooching, and food feasting.

im so excited with the thought of surrounding myself with those girly luxuries when she's here.

*praying to heavens*


***


{photo: thats her, Ana, just outside our favourite Fortnum and Mason store..after that,we had Knickerbocker glory ice cream in their parlour and a mini shop of a book she found (which she left here by the way)...its nice to have a sister who's such an individual and so different from you, yet so much the same as well}

ex-deal

will do art for food..


***

i am in the stage i can't wait to finish this research i am doing. its not even the last research i will be doing. this one's just a baby.

once i'm finished, i can do the thing that i love..working with patients.

by then, i am off to work my tooshie off once again even more, but this time, in practice.



***

i thank diversions, and hobbies. it makes me attuned and connected to the outside world.

and gives my tired soul some rest.


**


and i thank the sanctuary of prayer.

it gives me the peace to calm down my nerves .

=)

i wish

..i could finish my report now, so i could stay in my room and cry my heart out. right now, im soooo busy to think and have any other emotions other than think of QT data and comparative analysis. honestly..i cant cry even if i wanted to..i just wish i could to stop this searing pain in my chest.

i have a burden that i carry, regarding some news i just got. its so disheartening when you're not included in decisions, when all you do is include such persons in all your life-changing decisions.

maybe i should do the same.

maybe i should just stop caring.

maybe i should just..



***


am i wrong in feeling this way? maybe i am.

maybe its time for me to do some life changing decisions too without considering other people,huh?

i wonder how that feels?


***

and probably, if i don't care much, maybe, i will stop this nonsense too. i wouldn't be working so hard, i wouldnt be working my ass off like i'm a machine made of steel.

**


if i had to give myself an advice right now, i would probably say " enjoy life, and stop caring too much".

maybe i should do just that.

or maybe, i could just go and top myself. (sounds like the very easiest option, to be honest).


**

you see, i was alright the last could of weeks. you dont mind hard work when its rewarded with love and mutual respect.

but if you see otherwise, you wonder, 'what am i doing this all for?'


**

i wish you all a better day than what im having;

a better life than what i have at the moment.

tagay ta na!

missing moments with her

someone asked me where i get the energy to listen to people's aggros and problems and make them laugh.

in truth, i do have that energy because there is someone in my life, who listens to my shallowness, my whines, and very own aggravation.

my best friend, Kharla.

she listens to my dramas, my problems (true and self-inflicted,haha) without any judgement ,with all ears, also in the end she prays with/and for me.

in other words, she is my shrink. by being so, she gives me all the energy (and sanity) to cope with homesickness and some more extra.

so having her here in my house as my treat was nothing to me. it was nothing for the big and great things this woman has done for me.

i miss her. and i look forward when she could come back and i could treat her special once again.


***



waiting for the train

another train ride with the best friend i am lucky to have been given

the day we saw the Pope..

**

do you miss your best friend?

mini-dates are a lifeline

..it makes life better.

it makes relationships better.

it makes our hearts go round.

it makes us a better husband and wife team..=)


***

i took adrian to a mini date this afternoon for just a little recoupe and regrouping.

adrian and i do this regroup and reconvening away from home, away from the energy of work, and the mundane..and away from the computer, because when were at home, him and i are at our respective computers typing away (him on his work), while i, on my research (or Facebook,haha).

so today, we had a little date. not planned. not organised. just a "come,lets go, lets make an ordinary saturday evening special by chatting".

so we did.




my date




the place..cafe rouge




chatter chatter chatter





pleased missus...



***

on another note:

a few saturdays ago, i attended a first year old's birthday party. she is my grandniece Anya=)

my!! this little madam is now growing..why do i say so? she now knows she's being photographed..just look at the head tilt=)




such a tease=)..

im her grantie ragen, and adrian is the grancle=)

i dont mind being a grantie at all=)


**

have a beautiful sunday my loves.

stories untold

one day, i will write my story.

some chapters i have deleted here for now, because they're delicate and the writer still fragile to be asked about them.

right now, lets just say, i'm in some weird hazy planet and i'm stuck there for the meantime.

the light is near,to get to that light is quite a journey (not without hissy fits, bruising and crying..and doctor's appointments,crazy schedules, overfilled diaries,and ginormous love-hate moments with the ever understanding husband).


i know when i've crossed the bridge, i will be a better woman for it all.

one day i will write these chapters.


my story.

wistful

sometimes i find myself wistful and a little bit sad when i realise, im spending more time burrowed in books on my free time (when not working for my livelihood), instead of going out and enjoying the sun, and taking photographs.

and then when i realise that i'm already on the verge of my end goal, i stop being sad. i know, when i finish being too busy for photography, i will have ample time (and focus) to do exactly just that.

for the meantime, i sit, (read and work) and practise patience.

soon, i will reap my rewards.










**

how about you? are you holding out for something?

whatever it is, wait it out with me..we will soon be given our dues.



{photo: a tourist bus by somerset house from the jubilee bridge}

birthday celebrations

every year, i find birthday celebrations quite redundant.

dont get me wrong, i find that mine or my love one's birthdays are one of my most favourite days of the year, but celebrating it is sometimes a dilemma as you have so many friends and as much as you want to celebrate it with all of them, trying to squeeze everyone in for your birthday date has to be arranged 3 months in advance.

that pressures me to arrange something 3 months before, which i find too boring when celebrating birthdays. birthday parties should be (if you must, but not necessarily) spontaneous, and requires less arranging if you have to have one.

more often than not, Adrian and i celebrate birthdays with just the very immediate of his family and or very closest (who might be busy too).


this year, i had the stress-free thought that my birthday is just me, Adrian and a very special family member Kharla.

initially, the plan was to spend it in a cottage somewhere in the middle of the country, together with good friends Cheryl and Glen, but they were in Brussels the time we planned the cottage holiday. (not to mention i was doing a research in the middle of it all) so that plan was scrapped.


the next best thing to do was to have the celebration with just the three of us in london in the usual way, a nice dinner in one of our favourite restaurants and a show too.


Adrian booked the Mamma Mia musical for the three of us on the Saturday (a day before my bithday), and a dinner at San Francesco--one of the best Italian resto's in London (a must try) just near the Westend..


And the next day, we spent another dinner in one of the INdian resto's locally after a (rainy) day in Maldon estuary to do some sightseeing for our very special guest.


Here are some photos from my canon compact (i couldt bring an SLR to the show) to remind me of the days...






just before we started..this was how close we were..=)

she's excited to see her first Westend show. (and it wont be her last, i promised her)




squirming in her seat from the cold

during the intermission..grabbing soem drinks at the lobby

mr. and mrs. shot

the birthday made special because she was there=)

having some ice cream

the ending of the show

i did this discreetly. i was still approached by one of the attendants (*ulk*)

by the billboard...it was so sunny on that saturday

suroy suroy around shaftsbury avenue

the obligatory touristy stops..chinatown

on the way to covent garden..we bumped into a happy group of hen partygoers

they were enjoying too much, i must say

at Covent garden, the square...

watching the show down below

the greatest friend anyone could wish for

two of my greatest allies..=)

birthday girl..=)

listening to Adrian's silly stories

how was the calamaris?

tiny restaurant..cozy,and owned by a proper italian gentleman

the rule is: no digging in, before the shot=)

kharla's order: pasta in white wine sauce




by leicester square...the temperature getting too cold at this time.

we all love the National Gallery..its such a beautiful building, dont you agree?

there was something going on in Trafalgar square the next day

coffee break and people watching at a coffee shop across Trafalgar Square before we head home:-)

**

the only evidence of the next night..after a tour around maldon estuary and got drenched in the rain...


we had dinner at an Indian restaurant...our favourite Masala Hut..





she enjoyed her first authentic indian/punjabi meal..

bless, look at our drenched faces.haha..

***

our friends cheryl and glen were booked to see us that same week for another night of wine and food to celebrate my birthday and for them to officially meet Kharla, but then the next day after my birthday, we found out Glen had a heart attack.

Kharla had to meet my best buddies in the hospital.

i was so sad because of Glen's illness, but thankfully, he's had an op and it was successful.

its a happy birthday overall =)

unbelievable

i cannot believe that at almost 2 am, saturday night, i am still awake because i am doing a part of a research proposal which i need to submit tomorrow to my groupmates.

yes, tomorrow---sunday.

i am driving an hour and a half to university on a sunday.

i am this close to cracking up.

a big part of the 'real' me, wants to leave and quit.

but the 'adult' me is as stubborn as a bull and just gets on and whip this research black and blue til its the one which raises the white flag up.

i chant to myself these words: 'no pain, no gain'..

chant with me. loudly please.

there are not enough hours

...to do all the things i want to do in my day.

if i could switch research and reading academic books to blogging i would. but i cant. (for now).


i feel cruel, to say the least, when i look at this online journal i call my blog, and that the last update was in a different month.


the most recent notable thing that happened to me was my birthday. (dont ask how old i am, i stopped counting at 26).

[the weird part,i also have to pause to really think of my real age. for now, my mom is the only person who knows it, but she's on good stipend to keep mum on it, and its stipulated on our contract to never give it away,haha]. *joke*


before i digress even further, the recent birthday was really a beautiful one. because it was the one, in the last 7 years which i spent with Adrian and someone from my family. since i moved to this country i have been celebrating my birthdays with newly-formed friendships,and new acquaintances (not bad either), as all my love ones are back home. (although, not to discount the fact, my husband,Adrian is always there, he also realises that i crave that familial ties on birthdays).


this year was different. my cousin Karla and my bestest friend in the planet flew all the way from cebu for it. we started celebrating on a Saturday (my birthday was on the Sunday), with a show at the Westend. Mamma Mia was a great show. It was a treat from Adrian, and a dinner at one of our fave Italian near Drury Lane, San Francesco's. Then on a rainy windy Sunday, celebrated with mass, a birthday brunch and a tour around Maldon estuary.

On the saturday celebration, the three of us enjoyed Mamma Mia, and the dinner, not to mention the late night walkabout Trafalgar square and Victoria. London was abuzz that night, amidst the chilly wind.


We got home just before midnight. And by midnight, i was handed a really special present from all my family.


It was in DVD form. And i was truly chuffed to say the least.


My sister edited the video (hurriedly) i might add, to send to me,just before Karla was leaving for the UK.


its such a beautiful birthday present. The humor, and love, i could feel from it so abundantly.

***

Starring:

Mama, Jojo my brother), Roi (brother), Joan and Sean (cousin/cousin-in-law), AUntie Libeth and Uncle Victor, Tonyrose (cousin), Tita Tootsie, Suzette, Auntie Teresa, RUby and Ana..and Bob (the dog).

Birthday video , birthday gift from my family (2010) from chelo aviso-stevart on Vimeo.

***

thank you's are very much in call for:

Aileen Siroy- for that beautiful birthday blog..and to be amongst your friends who are such admirable people, i feel like im not worthy to be amongst them in the same page. (but so privileged to be).Thanks Ai.. Your friendship and love, i will treasure and take care forever=)

Therese Habana- the phonecalls to greet me (at 3 am UK time!,haha)..greatly appreciated and much adored. And to hear Mr. Habana (who was a classmate in HS of mine) greet me was such bonus=) I still had to pinch myself thats it indeed the two of you together. Beautiful tandem you two=)

Lynette- beautiful postcards from her part of the world and a card. How awesome to be remembered that way? Thank you Nette, you definitely are not only thoughtful, you have a very sensitive and loving soul..=)

Multiply, Twitter and FB messages- thank you from the very bottom of my heart . Waking up to birthday messages are such wonderful platform to spring from.

***

Thank you, all of you, for making this girl a happy bunny:-)