i find myself constantly thinking deep but having less to talk/write about.
i have been, more often than not, too unmotivated to talk about myself. not because of wanting inspiration (i have alot of them in my life), but more because life has been a steady ebb recently, i am lacking words to describe life without being too pompous and sickeningly overtly in self-love mode.
i want to write how really wonderful it is when i wake up when sunshine through the bed window is tickling my nose, or how beautiful it is to drive through the countrysides and the horses grazing by the fields are framed beautifully by a peppering of colourful flowers.
i want to share how nice it is to hear being complimented for work you will do anyways even if its insults coming my way, or how amazing it is to work with such inspiring intelligent people who devote extra unpaid time to work for the sheer love of it, but really,sometimes, i just cant.
if beautiful things are food, id be a glutton,and im suffering from indigestion right now.
but i will not write it, because i know,it is only half the truth.
im sure somehow somewhere, someone reading this would think, life would'nt be that perfect for her. and they can enumerate in their heads the many things wrong about me (generous weight, thinning hair, and etc)..and all the wonderful things (they would like to think) i envy from them.
and there lies the problem.
in as much as i can enumerate them, in unison with certain people who are willing to cast stones about how different and sad my life would be, i can enumerate them without feeling.
i dont feel what i lack. i do not feel something is lacking in my life just because i dont have it.
the problems i may have, or the lack of perfection in my life may be glaringly obvious to most, but my life to me is just imperfectly perfect.
the logistics, the unsymmetry of events, the careless mishaps, or the lack of certain (specific) things i may never attain in this life (i.e.did i say babies?), these are the mark of me being the woman who clearly aspires to enjoy life at her utmost.
yes, balding top, weightgain, bad posture,etc..included--part of the happy equation.
happiness after all, is what we make it. i make mine, with a little bit of perspiration and aspiration. and there is no deodorant involved.
*part of pondering my life, series*
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photo: a little girl with expensive taste=)
4 comments:
whatever you write in your blog is your truth, chel, no matter what some people may think of it. those who love you will not doubt the things you write, say, or do. and they are the only people who should matter.
all of us, we have our own share of joys and sadness, and life is not perfect. but it's how we see our life that makes the difference. if you choose to see yours in a positive light, that will certainly spell happiness for you. =)
love this entry. =)
i totally agree ai=)
just a reflective piece about why i write the way i do, and why i sometimes cant write=)
for the lack of something to talk about, i rationalize myself...not good.
this is a beautiful entry. I think the universe gathered us all because we feel the same about things. :D
this is a beautiful entry. I think the universe gathered us all because we feel the same about things. :D
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*hugs* fil..thinking-deep-mode during this entry, haha=)
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