his birthday in pictures

thrusday night..28th of january



dinner at an oriental restaurant...with the bro and sis in law..(sorry, it was the waiter who took the photo)




indian restaurant this time ...friday night..




we love our indian food




group pic




and a karaoke party at tash's..saturday night..not part of his birthday celebration but it turned out that way, lol..

weather the weather

this photo was taken by my brother in law Alan on December 18,2009, when we asked him to let the telephone company people to come inside the house to put up the new internet connection.

imagine our suprise when he emailed this to me and adrian and we opened the email in the middle of relaxing with family at a resort in cebu.

we laughed because the image of our house wasnt that before we left. looking at the photo, adrian's car drowned in snow, and our garden barely recognizable. my family who just visited us a few weeks before, also couldnt believe the photo.

alan went on to describe that the snow went even worse a few days after.

we couldnt feel it from where we were sitting.

something that far was hard to imagine. and now im back here, well, its a different story altogether.



***

this is simply a random post.

just something id like to share. you know, one of those things that you love to talk about, but may not have any relevance to anyone at all.

but to me,it means something to me. that that day that i received that photo, i realized how thankful i was and that there was nowhere i wanted to be than in that resort, with my love ones.


***

right now its not snowing anymore, but were still at 2 degrees/4 degrees celcius most days..

the greyness still hanging about, the wetness after rainfall still evident.

but the sun..its shining right now inside my house.

and boy, ain't it warm.

mika missing + birthday excitement

*photo of myself and my cute niece Mika*



i really miss this babe..

i kept watching her video tucked nicely in my digicam. i have not downloaded it yet.

knowing my luck with computers, i just want it to be safe without getting it lost.



***

im supposed to be tucked in bed nicely right now, but not yet.

im secretly plotting my surprise to adrian tomorrow.

im also wrapping his presents (2 new books, which he wanted to buy for a long time but he couldnt be bothered to order).

ohhhh, i love birthdays..

especially those birthdays of people i love.

morning has broken

(photo: a lovely cottage we passed by during our hiking jaunt

in August, 2009,

Dove Dale,Peak District)




***


you know that feeling that someone just whacked you in the head with something hard and blunt? painful?...but not too painful to kill your lights out? well, thats how i felt the day this happened.

after all the assurances of my love ones that the cousin in question was out of order, i'm beginning to feel my breathing is coming on its normal rhythm, less of the short hard gasps i was experiencing that very day.

i guess, anger does that to me. i presume, it does to everyone.

just when you get over the anger, there is sadness. sadness, that you get a reminder about family squabbles, resentment and general bad feeling, which you just started to get over from.


and even more sadness, that its not over. yet.



***

after talking to people i love, i am reassured that the outburst of that cousin was because he has been having a bad time lately. (works, and family related).

i will give him that.


i also warned them that if the cousin's mom would come and visit, they should avoid small talks and getting entrapped into a conversation that might lead being misinterpreted.


sad,isnt it? that it has come to this?

its not family anymore, if you start to be careful and be wary about what you say to them.

definitely, you should be yourself with your relatives, and be able to share freely and laugh, and joke around, but when one has to tread carefully, i dont know if that is a kind of relationship i want to keep at all.


the signs are there..

one should move on.


***

the husband is turning a year older this thursday (28th). we are off to enjoy a meal at a fine dining chinese restaurant with Mark (my stepson), and my inlaws Anne and Alan.

on Friday night, we are celebrating his birthday with friends Glenn and Cheryl at our favourite indian hangout.

oh the joys of food!

something that always make me smile.

something to definitely make me smile.

a day off for my man

today i was told i shouldnt come in to the prison because theyre finishing off some requirements i need before i can do one-on-one client contact.

{UK prisons and hospitals are so particular with the safety of staff and inmates/patients}


so what am i to do?


go and grab the opportunity to go get something for Adrian, who is celebrating his birthday this week (28th).


here are some pics from the most generous man i know...

photos taken from the recent christmas fairies giftgiving at St.Johns community (december 2009)..

(PS: i still we all the fairies a report from the giftgiving...i will , promise!)
















it will be difficult to get something for someone who is always so giving of himself to me and my family,and to all those i love.

for inspiration

no use complaining, whining and asking heavens why certain bouts of mini 'bad luck' has been happening to me the last few days.


i am (still) so blessed.



my hiccups are nothing compared to our fellowmen in haiti, struck with the worst luck of all.



i thank you Lord.



***



how's this for inspiration?


my darling niece mika...melting my heart once again.





how's that for inspiration?

(a sure fire way to lift my spirits up)



***

just doing this blog,and posting a photo took me a loooong time.

poor laptop,has had enough of my abuse the last years.

new year, new challenge

My placement educator,Louise, has been emailing me when i was in cebu. She was updating me on which placement i was getting for the new year that will help towards my hours of internship to complete my degree.

When i got the word from her that i was going to be assigned in a prison hall (a very popular one in the country) to do my placement, i was a little bit frazzled. One of the things i specifically asked them that im not keen to do, is a placement in prison (im scared of the aggressiveness of prison inmates. Adrian said i watched too many "Bad Girls" episode,LOL).

Succeeding emails with her, she said, that i was the one HIGHLY RECOMMENDED by our course director (our equivalent of DEAN) in the university,i felt, i needed to say 'yes'.


but truth be told, i am still nervous. flattered, but nervous.


when i got back to the UK, i spoke with my placement educator on the phone, and she said how 'all praises' the Dean was about me, and that when this placement came up to their list, the first name the dean said was my name.


I told Louise, that's very flattering, unless of course the Dean thinks i should be put in prison, i have all the reason to be highly honored.

Louise went on to explain that this placement is the hardest out of the roster this year. Apart from this placement is unique in its own sense, this placement is a ROLE EMERGING placement.

Louise said, the very reason F, the Dean, thought of me was because, a role emerging placement means the OT practiitioner has to make the OT model in the prison, and that I would have to evidence why there is a need for Occupational Therapy in the prison.


Dang.

If anything could make you sweat in the middle of winter, are words from people who will give you your grades and pressure you into something you find too daunting.

She ended our phone conversation by giving me a rundown of the responsibilities i needed to go through and a brief background of the prison.

One word: yaiks!


Tomorrow is the start of this new journey into 'knowing myself more' whether i could hack it.

You will know soon. I will be pouring my heart (and guts) in here, whether i'd love it or hate it.


Watch this space.

missing

i am missing my love ones back home..

i just remembered all the good times weve had the past few months (including the months my family were here).

i have a treasureful of wonderful photos from the times we were together and i keep flipping through them.

Adrian and i were talking about how great it were to have them here too, with mama cooking all our favourite food.

Adrian and i couldnt wait until they come back here again.


now is the 'grace' period for me to save up for that dream.


here's a photo of Roi and Daisy (my friend's Cheryl's pet dog)in one of the parties we attended late 2009.





cute noh?...and the dog too..=) LOL

i just remembered...

Picked up by my friend Eve, in her daughter's car one summer night to a girly outing, and i commented(whined) about how 'fat'/'oveweight' i was.

Claire, Eve's daughter (who is fabu-loptuous,in her own way), snapped back:
"Ragen, there's no use whining and complaining about it. Do something about it, instead of complaining".

I said, "but im too lazy".


"Stop complaining then. If you cant face up to the fact that you are a little over your desired weight, exercise, or diet. If you wont, then stop yapping about it!".

Well, Claire talks like that, blunt and honest, esp to us, her mom's closest.


She is right.


The very reason i stopped complaining that i am overweight, and 'heavy' since then (ok,save the occasional whining from time to time to my closest) was because of that conversation in her car...

I know why i am fat. There's no reason why i question the gods 'why?'.. It is not because i eat air for dinner. It is because i love my food, and i dont exercise much.

Period. =)



***

I mention how big i am in most conversations, or if there is a situation that calls for it, to save the other person having to describe me, painstakingly, looking for the most politically correct term for the word "fat".


I suppose, the point of this entry is, if you feel you are fat, then yes, diet, and exercise. If you're too lazy to do so (like me), shut your gob up and accept the reality that my dear, you are fat. and there's no two ways about it...


***

i humor myself most of the time, because i cant be angry at every single person who instinctively calls me such.


i have long given up my sensitivity of being called 'fat' or described as that.

and i think its time you do too.





sheep meat has high fat content...just like mine,LOL

serious

yes, we are...

behind the scenes shots during the 2nd of january photoshoot...

it was all fun,fun,fun!




kuyaw na neh!





long vision





silky smooths






i was a mattress for the day...

chelo: "higda ta sa salog! "

aileen: "ay!! mahugaw ko, sakay lang ko sa imong back chel!"

mai: "higda nalang ta kang chelo..patong ta iya back,aileen first, then me.."

ana: "sige patong ko!"


chelo/ai/mai: "noooooo!!!"


***


we had fun...

all the sweating in the bus, the pleading with the "manong" by the junkyard to allow us to shoot inside the bus, bribing "manang" 150 pesos to let us get in the deserted derelict building, and Adrian queueing up Gaisano Tabunok at 9:00 waiting for it to open to buy the polka dotted brolly (i had no one else to ask,LOL)..all were worth it..


i cant wait for the next creative day...

blogspot,lately

what gets my goat recently is this funny thing blogspot has been doing.

lately, there are some blogspot lay-outs that does not let me comment on their sites.

well, recently, it has not been funny anymore because youd think that it was just temporary, and that it was just on my sister's laptop(mine was still recuperating at the repair centre).

when i was holidaying in cebu, i was able to answer people's blogs via "anonymous". which means i could still comment. (i thought that was a way around the problem).

sadly no.

its been giving me problems again.

it is annoying because i get so excited reading people's entries, and although my comment may not mean that much, nor will it change what the entry means, but blogging, like any other means of communication media,is a conversation of sorts. sometimes, (or most often than not), entries deserve a comment.


but you sometimes wish, its as easy as clicking a button, type away, then voila! nuh oh.

i just wish, this will sort itself out. the sooner the better.


***

proofs. (see pictures)

so that my whining has some justification,LOL.


***


on aileen's page..




i comment..and this happens.





dang! the scroll down is a slim version of the normal ones, and does not give any option at all.




***


same with mai-mai's page




this morning's entry was something i wanted to comment on, but this happens.

frustrating.




ive tried, restarting the computer, and logging in and out, nada.

what's weird is there are times of the day that it will allow me to comment, but you just have to wait and see when it allows you to, as it is not the same times everyday.

i just wish, i have the luxury of time to do so.



***


am i the only one experiencing this?

if i am, there is really something special about me.LOL.


***

note:

i dont seem to have problems with lay-outs which allows "pop-up" comments...the "embed" comment seem to be a problem with me.

but then again, no need to change your lay-outs just because of my comments (or inability to do so)...the world doesnt end because i cant..LOL

there is something in the darkness

there is something in the darkness that my mind seems to work more with it..

when i study for exams, and when i do projects and assignments, do research, i have to do it at such unholy hours that my husband (family) freaks out, im not getting enough sleep.

today, i woke up again, at 7am UK time.

Its still very dark outside, you'd think it was 10 oclock at night. the only resemblance to 7am is the fact that when you turn the tv on, breakfast shows start their hyperactive jingles and of course, that of the clocks insistence that it is definitely 7am.

so i turn the telly off, theres nothing to watch except stare into 42" of moving colour.

i turn my computer on, trawl on sites of my dear friends and family, checking (and hoping) they have posted something to feed my thirst for news and updates.

any updates.

anything would do me right now. a blog about their day, their angst about sinulog traffic, or a picture or two, anything would do. just for me to get that connection.

perhaps because, i am less homesick today.

in fact i am less homesick this homecoming, but i dwell on this longing to be with constant company of friends and family.

i dwell, and because it is my nature to hold on to distant pasts, and cling on to dead memories even if they are far from reviving.

there is something in the darkness that makes one remisnisce, pour emotions, and write things one should probably leave to themselves.

there is something in the darkness, that emotions are heightened, and sensitivities aroused, and cry.

i do.


***

perhaps in the darkness, our hearts see more clearly.

it is in the dark after all that we are left without noises and distractions.

isnt it in the dark that lovers consummate passion in wild abandon? isnt it in the dark that artists talk about their craft like its the new religion? isnt it at dark dingy clubs, that soul singers pour out their highest note for crowds to applause, or get imprisoned in dark solitary confinement to reflect on a grievous crime once committed?

to feel emotions, to ponder and to look back,at a heightened level, light has most often than not been on leave of absence.

definitely, the heart has night vision.


***



darkness befalls boracay...silhouette of boracay's grotto

back here

my jetagged mind woke me up at 2:45am (UK time).

then at 3:50am.

then at 7am.

i could not resist it anymore. i stood up, drank a glass of tepid water and read the book im trying to finish.

perhaps, its about time too. the Philippines is after all 7 hours ahead of the UK so my body was pushing me to move as it still feels its at 2pm tropical heat to the 7am, darkness and chill reality i was in.


reading wasnt any success at all. i eventually relent to a blog entry.


i arrived only yesterday, monday, 11th of january, yet after reading my friends' blogs about our fun and adventure we had together,it felt like a different century has passed between here and then. the memories and laughter are still so remarkably fresh but when i try to remember the details of that day, i get some blurring on the edges.

my memory fails me sometimes (most of the time when it matters, and yet, remembers the most dire of things), and this is the very reason why i want to write.

because when i read things my friends have written, things spring up from nowhere and become triggers to a blurry vision of a not-so-distant past,making things fresher and more alive...and more painful.

aha!

there i said it. i avoid blogs, and reminiscing for now, lest i want to be reminded of the painful memory of leaving my love ones in that blasted airport.

but blogs are my saviours. and my pleasure. i crave and devour them like fillet steak to a hungry mind.

so i will, and i will write for my sake. and for my family's sake.

to continue where we have left.

there's about half a foot of snow outside, my husband sleeping peacefully at our bed, yet here i am, in my undress, writing to save my heart.

this is where the 'goodbyes' start to transcend into 'hello's'.

and 'until then's'.





a photo of myself and barely 4-month old baby niece Mika..who by the way, apart from the youngest addition to the family, is the main reason why homecoming this time for me, a beautiful and meaningful one..

last hurrah, last sleep in cebu (for now)

its at an unholy hour in the morning yet im wide awake.

the only thing that makes this scenery im in less tragic is the absence of a bottle of alcohol and used cigarettes.

tragic.

i am tired, and sad, and already missing my home.

my bags are still unpacked, my mind bursting with emotions waiting to be written and memories needed putting into paper (or the net, in my case, these days,LOL).


today, i had a very full day. [wait! the last three and a half weeks, i had very full days, (none that includes sleeping in the list of activities), but i am not complaining.]


my stomach could say the same. my stay in cebu was a never-ending gastronomic adventure. and because my neurons seem to connect to my stomach lining's cells (avatar lingo,LOL), i have had so much adventure the past weeks.


tomorrow night, i leave with a heavy heart, not-so-heavy luggage, but memory chest full of treasures. and its bound to carry your faces in it.



***


last memories etched in my heart:

goodbye dinner at Grand Convention's buffet and coffee afters at Coffee Bean..






dinner with the family and close relatives
..missing tony and joan who had a (grand ) wedding at Imperial Palace. Sean was there to represent Joan..





my lola visiting from Butuan...with my aunties: Teresa and Josephine..my lola Anita and Mama





Coffee Bean, Adrian's choice of coffee







my adopted brother Rey took time to say goodbye to me...he's so sweet







showing our true selves