the missing link

ask me how my inaanaks look like right now, and what they're busy about at this moment, i could generally tell you what they are doing. my kumares are very good at letting me know how the kids are and and are always making me part of the lives of their little ones, my inaanaks.

it also helps that i am connected with them through blogs and Facebook which makes it easy to browse through their photos and get updated.

but my niece,Mika on the other hand, who i love dearly, ask me how she is, i wouldn't be able to tell you much. ironic? say it again.

its not for the lack of trying, its just, theres not much news i could get from her parents. her dad/my brother is not the talkative type so his reporting style will be curt and short. plus, the people he talk to in the house aren't much of a reporters to me too (due to commitments). so what little they get from my brother on his visits to mama's house, it is compressed to very little back to me. my sister-in-law and my brother are at work, so she and my brother aren't on the computers much (esp. with a baby, who has the time?LOL).


in my breaks and when i have time, i continually browse through Mika's photos, old that that they are, but they're perfect for the meantime. They are something for me to hold on to, until i see her again next year.






the photos come from Ana's photos that i copied on my portable drive.

i scrounge for every piece of photos my niece has. like an addict looking for that last morsel of coke before the withdrawal symptoms kick in.


they'll do for now. they'll do for now.

India looms

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photo: my visa for india..

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for some time, i have had reservations regarding the India trip. If you know me, one of my greatest fears is visa applications anywhere in the world.

ive always find applying for one such a nerve wracking exercise, no matter what country you're applying to especially if you have committed to alot of people and being denied one always means disappointing the people you comitted to.

i always associate my visa fears to some traumatic experiences in the past. one is the last application for my sister's and my brother's visa to come and visit me in this country. it was longwinded and just too much bureaucracy. i know we all have to do it, but if you know in your heart these people arent intending to stay in the country they're visiting and still get such treatment like an illegal immigrant, its so frustrating to say the least.


but thats not my biggest visa story. There was one application in July 2005.

My cousin Joan was getting married in August that year, and she was so sweet, she moved her wedding to August, instead of their original plan so i could attend the wedding since i intended to come home that month.

Adrian and i almost were not given the visa/stamp. We were told that i lacked 1 document, (for the year 2004) even if i have given them all my payslips in all the months of 2004, and all addressed to the same address as that of Adrian's (we were living together after all,LOL).


I was quite upset because i had all documents except just 1 minor one (a utility bill) that i lacked because i thought i have given more than enough documentation and proof.


But the man wasnt satisfied. he said he couldnt justify that Adrian and i lived together and are living as Man and wife without that gas bill under my name in year 2004. (apparently they wanted 3 utility bills, i only gave two and a handful of bank statements and the whole year of payslips which were all under the same address).


If he had some common sense, he would know we were genuine. But of course, they are very bookish, and they stick to certain rules that they need to follow and boxes to tick.

We pleaded and asked him to please just stamp the visa, and that we have a wedding to attend in Cebu the week after and i wont be able to come back to the UK if the stamp isnt given to me, as my old visa will expire.

He wouldnt have it.

You know what happened next?


It was the first time i saw Adrian tearfully pleading to anyone a man at that and pleaded with him. My heart just leaped and felt sooo sorry for him. Here was my husband who is a well respected instructor, who has pride and self-respect, would plead to man (tearfully) and begging him to consider. (it makes me tearful everytime i remember that moment).

This was happening infront of a queue of people, who could see what he and i were doing as our voices were getting louder as the man was behind a glass enclosure.

I felt sorry for Adrian and my heart just got so crushed seeing my husband like that, who i know would never do that to anyone, but he did so that time, because HE WANTED ME TO STAY in the country.

What did i do?

I scooped the semi kneeling Adrian and hugged him (i didnt care what people thought, to hell with them that time), and i said to him "honey, you didnt need to do that.you dont need to kneel down and beg anyone for my sake.. dont worry, i will just phone Joan and tell her we cant go home as i need time to process my residency. i know she will understand", and gave the man behind the counter a dagger look. Adrian wouldnt have it as he feels letting Joan down, and the option would be to let me go home and stay for a few months while sorting the permit to come back which could take months or a year!

I eventually convinced him by telling him, id rather risk the ire of my family than leaving him on his own and not be able to come back for a time just so i could sort the visa. (i knew Joan would have understood).

I hugged Adrian (i was also crying this time) and told him were leaving and didnt give the man behind the counter any courtesy as he felt he didnt deserve it.


We went out, and just by the exit area, the security guard called us back. And we were asked to go to a different desk. The man who served us was there waiting for us, and said "look, im not supposed to give you a consideration like this, but how can you get me the document within today?".

as we live just under an hour away from Croydon we told the man we could get the document within two hours, he gave us a special pass to go and come back the very same day (not a usual happening apparently).

i dont know what changed his mind, but i have realised that once we stop bending over and foregoing our principles for the sake of bureucracy, things can still go our way.

Adrian and i did our part, the hell would i let my husband ask and beg for my sake and humiliate himself? I didnt have the heart to see him do that.

But after the incident the man saw beyond what alot of people only see, the age, culture and color difference,it all means nothing. Not when love is involved.

So visa and visa applications, theyre tricky. people who have the power to stamp your passports do not only need the basic intelligence to read your documents and applications, but also the common sense to read what goes on infront of them.


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i am getting all emotional writing this down. its another humbling reminder how such one person love me to bits. and a beautiful reminder that i love him back.

with all my heart. fiercely.


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im tagging you to write a moment in your life where love has more than proven itself to you.

you, who care to share.

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[edit: i am going to india to photograph my friend's wedding and his brother's wedding, and a few days to go around see some sights..and on the way back to the UK, a stopover for a few days in Dubai to see friends..*excited*].

summer envy--no more

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edited photo of my cousin K, in Boracay..(this was using the small digicam)..x


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When my sister was here last March and April, she really was lucky to have been given a beautiful summery feel to April. (although the occasional cloudy days would resurface probably once a week/ majority of April was picnic and barbeque fun.

And then she went back home in May. The first two weeks were marred with showers and greyness. It was as if the sun hid because my smile did.

And then now, the forecasts have nothing been positive. We've been enjoying the sun eversince the start of halfterm/sembreak. Yesterday was even unbearable, we had to retreat to the mall after Adrian's minor surgery (nothing scary).

I have been having 'summer-envy' for the last few weeks, but now, its just only beach-envy.


Anyone care to bring me to the beach please?


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We went to our GP today, for our vaccination consultation for our trip to India this August (pending on visa,haha). We were told that we need to have shots for diptheria, typhoid,tetanus,hepatitis,polio..and malaria tabs are needed too.

goodluck to my kidney and liver.

x


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PS: do you know any acoustic band in cebu? ive googled and searched, i only came across guitarfest which is more of a rock-style acoustics.

im looking for acoustic bands/group that could play filipino/some english songs, preferrably for a wedding.

i one time saw an exhibit in SM for Cebu Guitar Association year 2002, and they had guitar players who were so talented. I wish, got their number.

No one seems to know.

wanted: japanese food partner

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my usual fare..veggie rice,prawn tempura, salmon sashimi, salmon sushi, chicken katsu.x


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there is no denying, i am a japanese food addict.

i love it, but my husband is averse to it. (he only eats tempura and chicken katsu).

japanese food and dining is such a social experience (intimate spaces/sharing cubicles,etc), that its alot better (and tastes better too) when eaten with someone.

when my sister was here, we made a point we'd eat japanese food once a week. (no fail!,lol).

but now that she's not here, i am relegated to eating on my own again.

and its not as fun.

i eat and scurry away quickly because most often than not, i just go in, to satisfy my craving.

and not only does it make crave for it more. but crave for the company of sis as well.


so the word's out: japanese resto-hopping partner position available.

applicants are welcome to send in their CV's (preferrably in bento boxes).

the more,the merrier.

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closure

pastel perfect house in portobello..just like in dreams


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this blog appeared in my dream for the last three weeks. recurrent, and persistent.

one was that i opened the blog and the colour scheme changed (from blue it turned to lavender) and i was browsing through the old blogs as if it was someone else owned it, and yet i saw photos of myself and familiar faces. entries were familiar, yet someone else owned it.

i felt a pang of jealousy there, that i remember most of that dream.

another dream was that i read a comment from someone famous. i forgot who it was now, but for the love of me, no matter what i do, the comment would not register. i kept apologising to the commentor but the commentor for some reason cannot be reached. it was frustrating that dream.


and the other night this blog reappeared again, it was owned by some old lady who had ties with the cooking world. she was a popular chef and i bumped into this blog and read through her entries only to find out, that her entries were my old entries yet people's comments were directed at her and her fabulous cooking, and her wonderful restaurant. i felt a pang of jealousy. (this blog is mine! this blog is mine!)..(oh and the fettucine they mentioned sounded divine,haha).


i know there are so many schools of thought that try to interpret dreams. interpretations of the dreams may vary from the freudian, subliminal, and to oldschool baloney but it all boils down to one thing.

i have parting issues with this blog. this was (and still is) my favourite.

i dished out alot more here and poured my heart and soul to it more than i did anywhere.

i re-read the entries here again and i have so much grown from who i was. this space has been with me all throughout bouts of sickness, travels, happiness, triumphs and a whole lot of transitions, whether internal or physical changes.

this is where i felt most vulnerable in too.

where we speak our most innermost thoughts, our most precious dreams, our most sacred thoughts, thats where vulnerability sets in. we know we can easily get attacked and when we divulge those innermost feelings--what we divulge can be used against us.

but that doesnt erase the feeling that the closure of this blog emanated from too much self consciousness.

that feeling has passed. yet i feel i cheated myself to one of the best blogs i have ever given myself.

i need closure, but i cannot give myself that.

needs must.

the saga continues.